How much to give mom and dad ?

Next year, me and my bf plan to get married....how much money is expected to give his mom and dad
we will be getting married in temple in his village
so any body that has done same or knows what is correct amount expected to give to his parents

From talking to Thai friends about this very topic not so long ago THEIR frank and honest opinion was that in a gay relationship the simple answer could be "nothing" as they said whilst of course if offered if would be taken but it wouldn't be expected to be offered in the first place perhaps so don't feel obliged to pay out automatically, I believe it will more depend on what your BF thinks so ask him for his view perhaps ( which I'm assuming you have already done of course) - if so out of interest what's his view on the matter ?

[pong]

the thai answer as to so many of same-same Questions is: there is NO set tariff.
Tipically-but then mostly for the Isan area, a girl who gets married FIRST time is expected to shine some of her newly gained whealth onto her parents by that ''sin-sot''. Also: a large part is to impress the neighbours and very often a lot of it is simply leaned out for the happy day-and then returned. you can also hire it for a day or 2. So thats for the females-and not for the males.
And you do not need to be so shy about it-forget that strange western idea of privacy etc.-its all open to discuss/talk about-with dearest BF or his parents. And be then ready for skill 2 that most westerners (and even more those on this board) seem to completely lack;bargain on it. The ASKING price is never thought of to be the final price.

Thanks NIrish and Pong for your views

Five or six years ago, I had the misfortune to become involved with a 19 yr old ladyboy from Issan who had been dreaming of a wedding with a farang since he was 15. Dream never went beyond the wedding, so after the festivities, the relationship lacked any chance of survival.

If the whole business will really be as simple as your bf says right now, then maybe 10K Baht or gold to mom, plus the cost of the wedding dinner, etc., might be fine. OtherwiseтАжтАж

You need to discuss at length what the bf expects and what his family expects. All of the elements (and costs) related to a farang wedding might be in their minds. In my case, whether it was his cupidity or just the desire to impress the community, I donтАЩt know. All I know is that it cost a bundle.
So, if itтАЩs going to be much more than тАЬgetting married in temple in his villageтАЭ, the expenditures that I can recall are:

тАв Early morning ceremony at the Wat, gifts and lunch for monks, guests
тАв Wedding day lunch for friends and relatives
тАв Rental of wedding attire from shop in Pattaya (he insisted on tux for me, dress(es) for him)
тАв Wedding reception, cost of venue, food, drinks
тАв Wedding photographer, videographer, makeup artist (for him)
тАв DJ, sound equipment rental
тАв Display of wedding gifts
тАв Dowry
тАв The wedding night custom in Issan, according to him, is that after the guests have left, the groom (in his case, the bride), stays up the rest of the night drinking with his friends. I couldnтАЩt handle that, so I left at midnight and he stayed till 3am. Thinking back, I can see that I should have left the party and just kept on going, to Udorn, and then to Suvarnabhumi for the flight home.

I do hope youтАЩll have better luck. :happy7:

Thanks Bobsaigon for all the info

[Manforallseasons]

The idea of marriage means many different things to different people; as Thailand legally does not recognize same sex marriage it is only symbolic.

Yes i know about it being symbolic and not being recognised in legal terms....but i see it as romantic....and me and my bf are very romantic ha ha

[thaiguest]

Don't do it. The marriage I mean.
By all means be kind to mamma, after all she'll be the one preparing your cow pad moo whenever you visit. Same sex marriage is a total joke in Issan and has no standing in Thailand. Your boyfriend wants 'big face'; OK ...visit frequently in a big car (in your name), show the family the deeds of your condo (in your name), show them your bank account balance (in your name) and you'll have the unswerving admiration of all and sundry whenever you visit.
Keep it all simple, innocent and romantic and leave a clear road OUT just in case.

Thaiguest's words are golden. Have them carved in stone and placed where you can view them every day.

[arsenal]

Hi Bluechris

Don't take any notice of these unromantics Have your wedding. Spend as much as you choose to, and no more. Enjoy the lovely day. Bask in the glow of admiration and gratitude from the assembled guests. Have an absolutely fantastic time.
Just remember that none of it is real. Treat the whole event the same as if you were taking your neice/nephew to Disneyland.

[Manforallseasons]

Don't be naieve! It's all about money...your money!!!

Thanks guys for your views....it seems to be split between good and bad...any body got any good story's about it of positive experience's but do realise it can all go wrong.

"it seems to be split between good and bad."

Lol Chris, rose tinted glasses or what there ? :-) unless I've missed something I didn't read much if any "goods" up there lol.

But hey I'm sure everyone both genuinely wishes you the best and hopes that your relationship goes the distance but I guess what we're all saying is a) to ensure you spend what YOU can afford and what YOU decide for your (non) wedding day and also then just keep a clear ahead about you there after for the probably never ending money requirements which may follow, but I'm sure you know about all of that and are going in with your eyes open - and so going back to my first point we hope you have a great "day out" and "party" with your BF and his friends and family at the marking of what they will no doubt hope is hopefully your more long term commitment to him / and him to you of course.

Best of luck and I hope you enjoy your special day.

[joe552]

I don't know what happened, but my invitation hasn't arrived yet! :dontknow:

Hope you both have a lovely day, and good luck for your future together.

I am reminded of the words of the owner of the now defunct Gentleman Club, when addressing the matter of relationships with Thai boys: " It's all an illusion ".

While I have come to agree with that estimation during the past 14 years, I also admit that there are some very long term relationships with Thai guys, so yes, we do all wish you and your bf the very best.

AW thanks for the best wishes....yes i know your allso trying to give me the other side of the coin ..i can appreciate that and think we all have doubts about major comitment of any kind...people that know me will tell you i'm a very level headed person and am surprised at how organised at everything i do.
But when you love some one very much..i think you go that xtra mile.....i would rather be with him than anyone in the world
people say i'm good looking so in my own country as well as Thai...i never lack company and there is many boys in england that said they would like me as a bf....but i naver play around so turn down sex with guys in manchester cause i just have eyes for my guy in thai.

[thaiguest]

Thanks guys for your views....it seems to be split between good and bad...any body got any good story's about it of positive experience's but do realise it can all go wrong.
I've observed a good and bad celebration in Issaan. One a funeral of my falang friend's boyfriend's grandmother, the other his boyfriend's arranged wedding to a local girl and both funded by him of course.
Of the two events the Funeral was the happier and also yielded the happier outcome; a grand old lady had passed from a long and fruitful life and though she was mourned there was a certain resigned reality to the affair and she didn't come back.
As for the arranged wedding-every family from the MAE KONG to SISAKET was represented and had to be wined and dined (or more accurately lau cowed and almost peppered to death) at my friend's expense, a LARGE dowry had to be handed to the bride's father on a gold plate (the plate borrowed from the wat but NOT the money-you can guess where that came from) and guess what? Nobody as much as said thanks to my friend and he had the boy back in Bangkok again after 6 months having divorced the lady (couldn't get it up- only for his falang) and the small print which stipulated that dowry was to be returned if the marriage failed within one year was completely forgotten by all and sundry who were wined and dined on the day-but that's what drinking Lao Cow does to you.
There you have 2 tales with 2 different tails.

When i think about money and relationships ..cause some of my friends back home moan about thier wives that have took them for everything and lot of times they say the've got nothing in common and hate each other.
I think somtimes people think it is ok to be ripped off in a hetrosexual relationship but not ok in a gay relationship...i personely dont see the difference...it all depends on who you would rather spend the money on.

[Sooty]

Next year, me and my bf plan to get married....how much money is expected to give his mom and dad
we will be getting married in temple in his village so any body that has done same or knows what is correct amount expected to give to his parentsAs I understand it there's no such thing as "getting married in a temple" even for breeders. Thai marriages, like French marriages, are administered by the civil authorities. Any religious ceremony is optional and is simply a blessing on the relationship, so there's no sense in which the couple will be "married". Paying a dowry therefore does not apply.

[bruce_nyc]

If you're from England, can't you now get married to him legally in England, and then he can legally immigrate and end up with a British passport? I have an American friend (male) who married a Brit (male) and did that. He now has dual citizenship.

Just for clarity you can't get married anywhere in the UK (yet), you can have a civil partnership which offers most of the same legal rights and benefits as marriage but as the law currently stands in the UK marriage equality has not reached these parts yet - although hopefully it won't be too far away as it's LONG overdue !

[bruce_nyc]

Well, ok. They call it civil partnership instead of marriage in UK.... but the BIG win is that its valid for immigration.

Here in the US, we have gay marriage in some states... but none are recognized for immigration.

Actually Bruce at the risk of being a bit anal about it and I fully agree with you re the immigration point - but a civil partnership is "not" the same thing just called something else - it IS something else - which is EXACTLY why people here are fighting hard to have marriage equality legislation brought forward urgently as if "we" in gay community accept that " hey sure it's the same all but in name only, so hell why do we even need marriage equality, sure we've basically got all we need" then that is playing right into the hands of the religious / anti marriage equality brigade who wish to keep us "separate and different" from the rest of society and who would happily force us back into our corner for another 50 years hoping we'll go away and be happy with what they have already "allowed" us to have - so no, whilst I accept you're point is about immigration etc and I accept that just for the record it IS important, that WE as a community should always remember that the lack of marriage equality in all of our countries DOES set us apart from the norm and if we are to be equal citizens with equal rights then this is something that MUST e addressed by our Governments and not left open to other ( homophobes) to decide "if" we should be treated equally, it's our RIGHT and not a gift from the state or the religious right.

And sorry to go on about it but it is something lots of people are working hard to get across the line here in the UK right now and the more people who understand the issue and stand up for wiping out the "difference" the better for all gay people - and finally to get back on topic :-) yes it's great that the immigration status thing will kick in - although I seem to recall reading, I think on GB's board recently, that there are new laws coming in to the UK shortly ( if not already) which intentionally severely restrict the automatic right of your spouse to citizenship / the right to abide etc ?? Perhaps someone else may have some more info on that ??

[bruce_nyc]

About marriage equality, I agree with you 100%.

About immigration issues for gay couples, I'm very interested to learn more about the state of things on that topic.

NIrish & Bruce - the partner/spouse financial requirement in the UK (effective from last July I think) is that if you apply for a Visa for your CP/Spouse YOU must not only earn but be able to prove you earn in excess of around ┬г19,000 pa.

If you can not meet this requirement (not necessarily because you don't have the money - but maybe you are self-employed with no proof of income - or otherwise arrange your tax affairs to minimise your income for tax purposes) your application will fall at the first hurdle.

I also strongly suspect, (but can not say definitively) that you will have to convince UKBA that your CP/Marriage is a genuine relationship and not merely a marriage for the purpose of obtaining a Visa - and I can say definitively that proving a genuine relationship to UKBA's satisfaction will be a bloody minefield if you have not actually lived together and can prove that.

Incidentally, I have started a Visa Problems topic on the Global Forum.

[bruce_nyc]

If the relationship is genuine, it shouldn't be that difficult.

My American friend is a flight attendant. He and his UK boyfriend did it. No problem. He now has a UK passport too.

I would imagine that getting that first tourist visa to visit from Thailand might be the most difficult part.

As an American, my friend had no problem going to UK legally.

...As an American, my friend had no problem going to UK legally.

With respect, the first 3 words provide the explanation of that experience - it's hardly the same when a Thai or other SE Asian is involved.

Where a SE Asian UK Visa applicant is concerned (which is all I can cite from personal experience) - proving a "genuine relationship" to UKBA's satisfaction will be a whole lot more difficult than you think unless you've been hoarding letters, emails, photos, bank statements, etc. almost from the day you met. The same standard of "proof" would apply even in the event that you had a CP.

Also, I haven't even mentioned the added scrutiny that any significant age difference will invite. If anybody thinks that situation doesn't invite added scrutiny, they are extremely naive. In mentioning that I'm not alluding to anybody specifically - it's a general point.