Your opinions, please........

[catawampuscat]

I was just thinking of a possibly useful aid for farangs who meet Thais and want to see them more than once.. First, the common problems
would include (and some help here would be great),
1- Calling on the telephone many many times a day and keep calling even if calls are ignored..
2- Calling at hours when one is surely sleeping...
3- Showing up uninvited and again at any hour, even 5 or 6 AM, without apology..
4- Telling you that they love you (or some variation) the first time you are together and want to be your bf..
5- Telling you they cannot pay the rent, the mobile is in the shop, sickness in the family, and expecting it to be your problem..
6- Pestering you for small change or 20B. notes every time you see them..Always for food...
7- Being late or not showing up at all and not calling...
8- Eating right before you want to go with them for dinner
9- Eating right after you buy a relatively expensive dinner they don't like
10- Commenting when you pass a goldshop or mobile phone store and just wanting to take a look..

I am sure the list could go on a while but the idea is to have a list of things you don't like or don't want the boy to do or say..
It would be in Thai and English and perhaps one could check off the items or cross out the ones that apply or don't apply.. At least this
way the boys would understand from the start that you are or are not an ATM, you are or are not going to be a sugar daddy, you are or are not
happy with calls and visits at any hour and that you are or are not looking for a boyfriend etc...
Perhaps, SPICE mag could do this and when one meets someone of interest, we could get thru the language and cultural barriers and
avoid some of the irritating aspects of paradise..
Of course, some effort should be made to make this polite or humourous as saving face is important and being rude is so boring.... :cat:

[Surfcrest]

Here is something to go on.....

I met a boy in Thailand who was always at me for cash.
Usually / precisely as you describe.

After I met boyspecial Pattaya 2006 everything changed.

He was able to see through each and every one of them and usually dealt with each and every one personally. I recall one he went up to and said "why do you ask for money before you even say, "sawatdee khrap / sabai dee ruh khrap".
Obviously he could see that their sole motivation was cash and only cash.

He taught me and the boys a lesson on proper etiquete.
The boys respected him as he was a well known senior boy.
Perhaps he realized that the more money I shelled out, the less came to him, but for whatever the motivation we both learned immensley from each other.

The same applies as travelling companions.
The money a Thai boy can save you by knowing how things work far exceeds the cost of supporting the boy, unless he has his hooks deep into you for motorcycles and realestate.

They key is to see your time in Thailand is temporary (unless you live there) and ensure that both parties know the situation and make the most of it.
By saying that, I mean living each day as though it were the last.
Because eventually it will be, so rather than counting down the time there is a much better option.

Chok Dee

Surfcrest

... Catwampuscat, I think most of the things on your list have happened to me in my short time here in Thailand. The most common reason I end up finishing with a boy or stop seeing a thai guy (even as friends) is due to an amalgamation of the above listed reasons, but mainly the financial reasons.

On my return to Thailand this year, I intentionally bumped into a thai guy I had befriended last year. I had in my first weeks of knowing him, bought him a mobile phone. After the first 30 seconds reuniting and sharing greetings he said 'tomorrow we go buy me new mobile, I like one with video and mp3 player' ... I didn't see him much after that.

It's not just friends or boyfriends either. I was in a gogo bar the other day and the mamasan started saying to me that he had no money for his rent. I past no comment but he kept on about it and then asked me for the money. I declined saying sorry but received more requests until finally I said it was not my problem and I was sorry. He then took the huff and said I didn't care ... to be honest I truly didn't but that really got up my nose.

It's also very hard to tell when a boy is not telling the truth. From a dispassionate stance I am highly doubtful of one boy I know who (after I told him I may be around for another two months before going home) told me that in two months time he goes to hospital for an operation on his brain to save his life. He wants my email address and I am guessing that there will be a request for funds for the operation before I go or shortly thereafter. Thing is, I am a sucker for this kind of thing and I do like the boy as he is pleasant company.

On the other hand there are good guys out there. Last year on my first trip, I bought one Thai friend a gold bracelet which he loved but I was surprised to find the next day that he turned up at my hotel with a stunning gold bracelet for me. The num friend I am with right now and for the past few weeks is refreshing. He is happy to spend time with me and the tips I give him are always accepted gracefully with no requests for any additional funds. After seeing him a few times he bought his own mobile (never asking me to purchase this for him) and has never once asked for gold, money for parents or even a buffalo ;) He is excitable and happy and loves when I suggest (and it is I who suggests) going to Karaoke or Champ Isaan or when I invite a friend of his to tag along with us. This ideal time will probably not last and he may be encouraged by others to go down the route of other Thai boys I have met, but for now it is a pleasure to not feel hassled or played.

[Surfcrest]

... On the other hand there are good guys out there. Last year on my first trip, I bought one Thai friend a gold bracelet which he loved but I was surprised to find the next day that he turned up at my hotel with a stunning gold bracelet for me. The num friend I am with right now and for the past few weeks is refreshing. He is happy to spend time with me and the tips I give him are always accepted gracefully with no requests for any additional funds. After seeing him a few times he bought his own mobile (never asking me to purchase this for him) and has never once asked for gold, money for parents or even a buffalo ;) He is excitable and happy and loves when I suggest (and it is I who suggests) going to Karaoke or Champ Isaan or when I invite a friend of his to tag along with us. This ideal time will probably not last and he may be encouraged by others to go down the route of other Thai boys I have met, but for now it is a pleasure to not feel hassled or played.

Fatman41

You have a good one there.
Hang on to him, hey are indeed rare and precious.
I had one once many years ago, whom I think about constantly, like a fisherman
thinks about the great fish that got away.
You deserve someone like this.
You are a good man!

Chok Dee

Surfcrest

Regrettably people don't welcome these sorts of warnings. How many members of this Forum witter on about the wonderful, gentle Thais with their strong Buddhist lifestyle and how they love the fact that the Thai boys never stop smiling? Too many would be my answer. The fact is that once you take on a Thai boy you run the chance of being with a financial leech. Other Thais may see you as someone who will dispense patronage. Like the man who asked every passing woman for a fuck, knowing that on the balance of probabilities he'd get enough acceptances to balance out the rejections to make it worthwhile, there are Thais who will ask any farang within range for help

On the other hand there are some lovely Thai boys and I know a great many who ask nothing more than the standard tip at the end of a rumpy-pumpy session

It's also very hard to tell when a boy is not telling the truth. From a dispassionate stance I am highly doubtful of one boy I know who (after I told him I may be around for another two months before going home) told me that in two months time he goes to hospital for an operation on his brain to save his life.

One charming chai tried on the same with me.
I wonder if he told you he'd been hit in the head by a school-bus sign and, when he awoke in hospital, was told his father had died while he was in a coma--So now he is paying brothers way thru college?
Anyway; I told him I would take care of his operation: "Tomorrow I will take you to Pattaya hospital. They will shave your head, remove the top of your skull, cut out the tumor & sew the skull back on. Your hair might not grow back but we can find a wig--To hide the scar."
He thought about that a while and said, "Never mind...maybe you...buy me...clock-radio instead?"
I thought the story was worth a radio.

[mikelele-old]

... "why do you ask for money before you even say, "sawatdee khrap / sabai dee ruh khrap".
Obviously he could see that their sole motivation was cash and only cash.


That in-your-face gob-smacker is so Asian actually. It speaks to the value of 'face' and honor. But alas only Asians can say something as potent as that to another Asian or all hell would surely break loose!! ha ha ha :blackeye:

[catawampuscat]

I have to laugh at myself as last nite's off was a pisser... I ended up offing a boy, whom I vaguely remembered offing before from a
Boyztown bar..I couldn't recall the details of our first encounter and decided a second off would refresh my memory and he was hot..

First, he wanted to hire motorbke taxi for the short walk home and I told him no way Jose, we walk.. As we walked, he talked about how he
was using a friend's mobile phone and something about me buying him a mobile.. I found this funny and absurd and thought he was
kidding me.. We had a fair encounter and I corrected his oral technique as there was too much contact with his teeth and he didn't
douse properly so while pleasureable, that aspect of the encounter was cut short for a clean up..
I found him funny (maybe he is a "funny boy") and thought it remotely possible that I might off him again until he began insisting on
me buying him a mobile..He was non-threatening but his persistence became annoying and he wanted an extra 500B. over
my tip to cover what he was short to buy a mobile..I told him I couldn't do that and that I was paying him very well for a short time. He was
pleased with the amount but said he still needed more for his mobile..Since he was pleasant , I didn't get angry or throw him out but I did tire on
his tenth attempt to wrest extra money out of me.. He couldn't remember my name and I couldn't remember his, so this was not someone
I had a relationship of any sort with..

Unfortunately, his demands for more money for a mobile left me with a bad taste and off course, I will not engage his services again..I can
only imagine his method must have worked for him with other farangs, if only to get rid of him, but I held my ground.. I am very friendly with the
mamsan in his bar (deliberately not mentioning name of bar), and if he becomes a pest, I will advise the mamasan of the situation..I always tip this
mamasan well, as he knows what I like and I am a frequent customer and usually off someone after asking the mamasan about him..
I could have used my list but don't think it would have been effective with this character.... :cat:

Whores will be whores.

Your comments are much appreciated as always Surfcrest.

As a follow up to "It's also very hard to tell when a boy is not telling the truth. From a dispassionate stance I am highly doubtful of one boy I know who (after I told him I may be around for another two months before going home) told me that in two months time he goes to hospital for an operation on his brain to save his life."

Well, I made the fatal flaw (another of those lessons to be learnt) of letting the guy in question know when and where I was moving within Pattaya. On the day of my move, today, and less than 30 minutes after I stripped naked to do my unpacking (a private thing), I got a knock at my door. Turns out, it wasn't the guy in question but a friend of his who I had met once and who'd been asked to pop along and ask for money for the operation. I truly don't have the money and spent 20 minutes explaining this. Then, seeing he was getting nowhere, he moved tack and started asking for money for himself as he was being evicted on the very same day that I arrived at my new place! A further 20 minutes later he left with a ciggy and a pack of throat lozenges for his cough.

I think it is hard for some of us to 'be hard' and to knock back requests for money from guys who have comparitively so little but as my money depletes, it is becoming slighlty easier.

For Gods sake,and for your own,are you in thailand for approval of your compatriates or to satisfy your own lavitationas

For Gods sake,and for your own,are you in thailand for approval of your compatriates or to satisfy your own lavitationasIndeed, I can work out what a compatriot is, although I'm not sure what it can mean in context. But a "lavitationas"? Is that related to Puerto Rico's "buggarones"?

Not fucking fair,went to spell check ,corrected t F thailand,then it logged,Shit happens!

Hey,homi ,contact me,Iam back in LOS in 4 months.

[Monty-old]

I can not count how many time times I have have been asked for help . because I Have A Problem.
My response is YES you do have A Problem, But It is Not my Problem, as you said You have a Problem.
Your Problem ; Not Mine.
Unless you want a free H.I.V. test.

I works every time, they will not ask you again.
One does know . when a person has a real problem. Thais are not that good at acting.
but are great at asking for Mobil phones, money, gold, motor bikes, loom rent, etc.

I can not count how many time times I have have been asked for help . because I Have A Problem.
My response is YES you do have A Problem, But It is Not my Problem, as you said You have a Problem.
Your Problem ; Not Mine.
Unless you want a free H.I.V. test.

I works every time, they will not ask you again.
One does know . when a person has a real problem. Thais are not that good at acting.
but are great at asking for Mobil phones, money, gold, motor bikes, loom rent, etc.
I like your approach. If we all gave away all our money, we would be the ones having to try to sell our a's, and believe me, most of us would starve.
But I do have a question: HOW can you tell when the problem is REAL? I have heard so many buffalo style stories that I just assume they are almost always fake. My favorite was my old boyfriend who had the amazing father who died three times.

[Monty-old]

When a boy comes to you .
In a distraught state crying trying to tell you that his 27 y.o. wife has died.in C/M .
You know when a boy you have not see for a year come to you and tell you He has been in Monkey house, and lost half his body weight.
You know when a boy comes running to you with Police battering him with battons, because he had been on yab bar.
that was given him by a farlang.
You know when a boy has a bad cough ,can not eat or keep any food down.
You know when a boy has has had the shit beaten out of him because he did not paid back Baht to the street mafia.
You know when a street boy asks you for food, NOT Baht as he has not eaten in 2 days.
You know when a man is laying out side a Wat dieing.
You know when a woman brings her 2 children to you and asks you to feed them And find them a home ,as she has Aids
and the family has chucked her out.
You know when a boy, tells you he is HIV. and can not get a job and has nowhere to live.
You know when a boy come to you, coverd in blood after a motor bike accident but can not get treated at hospitle as he has no money or he is not Thai.
You know when a boy is dieing in your arms, his mouth full of thrush, and he can not breath.
Believe Me You will Know. when they are in need.

And Believe Me that is only in the last year.

Thank Monty, very well done there.

[bing]

When I meet someone and finances are involved, I like it to be on my terms.. I like the underwear store in Royal garden. Then friend has nice shorts to remember me by. Also if I have enjoyed company for a week or so and want to do something else,,, no gold ,,I take him to the dentist and have teeth looked after. ( Traveler Jim's suggestion from years ago.) Also last year my friend did pretty good with English but was frustrated trying to do English well. He mention he had taken lessons with Mim at NS Travel, so the day before I left we went to MS travel and I got him some more English lessons. I checked with Mim after a month by email and she said he was doing well with his classes and showed up regularly. The Thai guys may have visions of gold and phones in their head, but parameters can be set by the farang, and still be wonderful.

Just remember that "nobody can take advantage of you without your permission"


If you're on the receiving end of a pitch for money from a thai boy, or anybody, and you are listening for more than 30 seconds, then look inward because part of the problem is you.

People will take advantage of you and continue trying if they feel they are getting somewhere. When I hear the plea for money for whatever reason, I stop listening after about 20 seconds and tell them no, then turn my attention elsewhere. They leave shortly after that.

Just remember that "nobody can take advantage of you without your permission"Was it you that came up with that other helpful statement about your grandmother and not saying anything about a person if it can't be "nice"? My guess is that you're one of life's victims but don't know it. Permission can only be granted if you are fully informed; most people are not which is why con-men thrive

I haven't posted here for awhile and have not posted anything about my grandmother, or the comment about being nice or silent.

The point of my original post is that most of us can tell at some point in the conversation whether a request for money is a legitimate plea for help, or just a request for a consumer item.

If you don't wish to contribute, for whatever reason, firmly saying "no" in a manner that doesn't invite negotiation is the quickest way to end unsolicited requests for money.

....... and something about me buying him a mobile.. I found this funny and absurd and thought he was
kidding me....... but I did tire on his tenth attempt to wrest extra money out of me.....Unfortunately, his demands for more money for a mobile left me with a bad taste and off course, I will not engage his services again......and if he becomes a pest, I will advise the mamasan of the situation..:cat:

Arrrgh -- we have all had this sort of character that are such a royal pain in the arse, and become sticky and difficult to get rid of (when you REALLY want them to piss off). Before I met my partner, the very last boy I offed was one of these: -- even to the point where I had to buy him a plane ticket back to his home to get rid of him (believe me, it was worth it!!).

It's more difficult if they pull this on you at night, where you have nowhere to go -- if it is in the daytime, one great trick is to have a friend call you and say that he must meet you urgently, so you have an excuse to get away from him. Better that the having to be downright nasty with the lad, which could come back to haunt you in the future.

You are absolutely right to advise the mamasan of his behaviour (good idea!!!) -- it's the sort of thing that really turns off customers, and many, being conflict-averse, would simply not go back to that bar, rather than have to face this annoying spoilt brat.

I should eventually learn to speak more Thai, in hopes of finding a polite but clear way of saying, 'darling, you are just too greedy and I need to go now,' but for the time being I have met a special one, who is (or certainly appears to be!) truly grateful for even the small things that I do for him, which makes me quite happy to occasionally spoil him with larger gifts (fashionable clothing from the UK, putting him into school, taking him abroad with me, etc.).

Oh dear, oh dear oh me. I am thinking bad thoughts, so I will just shut up. When is a 50 year old not a cash cow, to a 20 something Thai boy?

The answer is: NEVER.

I know lots of self-empowered and financially-independent Thai guys who are in relationships with foreigners. NONE of them -- not one -- is with a foreigner who is outside his own age bracket.

My current beau is a greedy bastard...he didnt ask for money - he wants Frank Lampards auotgraph.

Got me thinking........... would love to see a Thai guys list of things he doesn`t like about us! lol

Got me thinking........... would love to see a Thai guys list of things he doesn`t like about us! lol
Not too hard to imagine.

How about these for starters:

1) The way you look;
2) The way you smell;
3) The way you dress;
4) The way you talk;
5) The way you behave;
6) The way you take so long to die and leave everything to him in your will.

Ouch.
Cool, someone is more jaded than me.

How about these for starters:

1) The way you look;
2) The way you smell;
3) The way you dress;
4) The way you talk;
5) The way you behave;
6) The way you take so long to die and leave everything to him in your will.


4 of those are wrong and no.6 aint gonna happen lol

[Smiles]

Ouch. Cool, someone is more jaded than me.
You are too easily influenced matey.
Not 'jaded' in the least, just more trite generalizations purposefully written down to jerk your knee.
And it worked . . . the boy's a wannabe geenyus, jerking off the cheap dates among us.

Cheers ...

[quote="boygeenyus"]How about these for starters:

1) The way you look; Generally overweight
2) The way you smell; Overuse of deoderants in the hope of masking the smell of perspiration
3) The way you dress;Trying to dress in a fashion suited to people 30 years your junior
4) The way you talk;Talking in slow pidgeon English
5) The way you behave;Ignoring your Thai companion when in the company of other farangs
quote]

I have to agree with your BG. In my office I have two boys and a girl who work the bars at weekends and their most common complaints are as added in bold above.

How about these for starters:

1) The way you look; Generally overweight
2) The way you smell; Overuse of deoderants in the hope of masking the smell of perspiration
3) The way you dress;Trying to dress in a fashion suited to people 30 years your junior
4) The way you talk;Talking in slow pidgeon English
5) The way you behave;Ignoring your Thai companion when in the company of other farangs
quote]

I have to agree with your BG. In my office I have two boys and a girl who work the bars at weekends and their most common complaints are as added in bold above.
This brings up an interesting question, pidgeon English.
Many Thais speak pidgeon English and many long term farangs start speaking in pidgeon Thaiglish.
I have even found myself back in the US saying things like "no have".
But what choice do we have? If we speak proper English to Thais who don't speak it, yes, they might learn better English, but then you are delaying and complicating the essential communication.

How about these for starters:

1) The way you look; Generally overweight
2) The way you smell; Overuse of deoderants in the hope of masking the smell of perspiration
3) The way you dress;Trying to dress in a fashion suited to people 30 years your junior
4) The way you talk;Talking in slow pidgeon English
5) The way you behave;Ignoring your Thai companion when in the company of other farangs
quote]

I have to agree with your BG. In my office I have two boys and a girl who work the bars at weekends and their most common complaints are as added in bold above.
This brings up an interesting question, pidgeon English.
Many Thais speak pidgeon English and many long term farangs start speaking in pidgeon Thaiglish.
I have even found myself back in the US saying things like "no have".
But what choice do we have? If we speak proper English to Thais who don't speak it, yes, they might learn better English, but then you are delaying and complicating the essential communication.

This brings up an interesting question, pidgeon English.
Many Thais speak pidgeon English and many long term farangs start speaking in pidgeon Thaiglish.
I have even found myself back in the US saying things like "no have".
But what choice do we have? If we speak proper English to Thais who don't speak it, yes, they might learn better English, but then you are delaying and complicating the essential communication.

The boys/girls in my office and most others I have met prefer farangs to speak English as they would at home, accepting of course that non-English speaking farangs probably use some form of broken English anyhow.

Yes, sometimes it may delay for a few moments the gist of what you are trying to say but it does help them to comprehend in future conversations.

Like you I found myself using the "no have" phrase a great deal when I returned to the UK but probably worse was the habit of asking "when you come see me" over the phone to business contacts in the UK.

When at home in Bangkok with the b/f I now always make a point of always speaking as I would back home in the UK. sometimes he does stumble over the meaning but his English has improved by leaps and bounds since I made the effort.

I was talking to a friend in the US on the phone the other day, and he asked me if I would pick up something for him. My instinctive reply was "Can."

A Thai boy got the biggest laugh the other day when I looked over at a dog and said "Dog, you okay?" This boy spoke very good English but even he still used this stock phrase as part of his vocabulary with farang. Now when asked this question (You okay), I often reply "Yes, I gay. You gay?" The line has been around awhile, but it still draws laughs (at least polite ones).

To my horror, I sometimes use pidgen English with other farangs who will often reply in their pidgen English. After a couple of sentences, we both relax into our normal speech patterns.

Pete

[catawampuscat]

This reminds me of a fellow student in a TEFL course I took years ago..At the end of the course , we had to practice teaching
in front of real Thai students..Some aspiring teachers spoke too fast or too much but one Aussie spoke in Thinglish.. The supervior
was appalled and it was the number one worst thing to do..It was actually funny as the Aussie couldn't stop doing it and later he
told me he prided himself on communicating with the girls (he was straight and boring) but a nightmare as an English teacher..
A very close friend of mine , who might read this, speaks with his bf in Thinglish, even thou the bf is in English school for a long time..I
have told him he is not helping as it can only confuse the bf to hear bad English but it is easier and he doesn't see the harm..
Another farang I know, speaks louder than usual and I have told him the boy is not hard of hearing but he thinks it helps..

The most important thing I learned in the TEFL course was "KISS" Keep it slow and simple...