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vnman
May 1st, 2012, 19:00
Do you think the money you give boys is often out of guilt?

I'm obviously not talking about an offed boy who did his job, but more the situations in which you didn't ask for a boy's attention or company. I often read: "I felt bad but I gave him a few hundred baht and went on my way" or, "I didn't want him to lose face so I gave him some money."

I used to be that guy! Feeling guilty because I was interested in another boy. Hey, boys drop you in a heartbeat when the grass seems greener in the other farangs wallet, so why do we feel guilty? If a boy feels that he can jump of stage when I enter a gogo and comes sit next to me and immediately order a drink...Should I be the one who worries about him losing face?

My friend and I walk into a massage place on Silom rd. no idea what the name is. Anyway, he was a first time visitor and the first guy in the massage place explained him how much it would cost. My friend understood everything and they were off to the races. I waited till he was done and I asked if he was happy. He said that the massage was very good but he had hoped for one of the other guys to come up to him. When i asked him why he didn't say anything, he said "I felt bad for the other guy who approached me first."

Is it me or is this guilt trip something they have mastered till perfection and are taking full advantage of? He, don't get me wrong; you give what you want if it makes you happy or sad. I'm not saying that we shouldn't be generous. But isn't it true that many of us were/are suckered in without even realizing it.

Feeling sorry for the boy because we are indeed a butterfly :redfaced:

disclaimer: I made up those quotes, so if you might have had something similar in your trip report: nothing personal intended.

christianpfc
May 1st, 2012, 23:07
I don't go to Thailand for charitative reasons, I only tip boys whose company I want and who I invite to spend time with me.

I don't feel guilty about not tipping a boy I didn't invite.

May 2nd, 2012, 00:59
Feeling sorry for the boy because we are indeed a butterfly.

I used to make that mistake, both in massage places, go go bars you name it and after knowiong that I'd been "played" by the guys I toughened up, perhaps to the point this last trip or two I've actually thought to myself "you know what, you are being one heartless cold bastard here" in just suiting myself, staying with boys if I wanted to and sending them ( politely) on their way if I chose not to or wanted to go with other guys simply telling them that I was a butterfly.

And you know what I can honestly say I as much as at the start it made me question myself but I noticed almost immediately that the boys almost respected ( if thats the right word) me more for it and didn't screw me about as much or try to play on my emotions as they knew they'd get no where so I think you're absolutely right that if they "think" they can play you they will whereas if you do the whole "oh I been here MANY times" routine they know to cut the crap, get on with the task at hand and so in turn you can both replax and actually have more fun without all the game playing.

joe552
May 2nd, 2012, 01:42
I have to admit I'm not very good at being 'hard-hearted' but I'm hoping to develop my skills next trip (only 5 weeks from today).

Khor tose
May 2nd, 2012, 06:28
I have to admit I'm not very good at being 'hard-hearted' but I'm hoping to develop my skills next trip (only 5 weeks from today).

I hear that repeated self-flagellation, and starvation work quite well as a means to becoming more hard-hearted. Good luck on developing your skills. :nunu: :hello2:

luvthai-2
May 2nd, 2012, 07:28
I have to admit I'm a soft touch especially if they say they are hungry but I have learned to walk them to a vendor and then pay for what they want. Some of the boys i have known for years know I can be depended on when they need something. I love the thai people so I am happy to do what I can and show them I am gratefull to be in LOS.

Khor tose
May 2nd, 2012, 12:09
I have to admit I'm a soft touch especially if they say they are hungry but I have learned to walk them to a vendor and then pay for what they want. Some of the boys i have known for years know I can be depended on when they need something. I love the thai people so I am happy to do what I can and show them I am gratefull to be in LOS.

Good for you. I have always thought that helping others does give a certain dignity to our lives.