Relationship with bar boy..how long will it last?

ive been with only one boy for the last 2 years and i want to know other's experiences...what makes you stay with him and what also made you put an end to it.....

[joe552]

Do you two live together? Or do you just see him when you're on holidays in Thailand? Two very different situations.

[francois]

Kelly, not to be flippant, but the relationship will last until your money is depleted. For me it has been 10+ years and continuing, until death parts us or .......

[dutchkiwi]

ive been with only one boy for the last 2 years and i want to know other's experiences...what makes you stay with him and what also made you put an end to it.....

age difference , interests, living together, some important matters.

i had bad experiences with Thai boys

since 4 years together with a pino from Davao,
i stau 4 times a year 4 weeks in Davao,


he is not from the scene , it was a desperate guy who was looking, sure for a sponsor, to help him with his studies. Nowadays he belongs to the top 10 of best students on the uni, average of 93% of the 15 grades he already have. Now he is doning his On job training in Cincinetti.
Now he generates his own money, so he not wants money from me, because a i said he generates his own money.
Next year when his study is finished he can work with me on the cruiseship.
Yes we love each other, more a father son relation, he thanks me freqently for the thing i make happen for him.

this is my experience but not with a bar boy

i met my bf when he was working in a bar over a year ago...but since we became bf's he's not worked in any bars
i've been over to see him 3 times,a month each time ...we hope to live together in the future...but in this world nothing is certain so i just make the best of it and enjoy every minute together.

[joe552]

as a matter of interest, chris, what does your boyfriend do now for work?

[markie1]

I meet my Partner 4 years ago on the Internet ,He lived in Surin and was at univercity at the time we meet .
He had never worked bar or even been in Pataya .
We meet in his free time from Univercity,and clicked right away ,we now live back here in London ,had a Cival partnership nearly two years ago ,I am self employed and we work together here ,He has just passed is UK For Life test ,and is alos taking driving lessons here .It works pretty well.
We do visit Thailand 2/3 times per year which we both really enjoy .
Our aim is to one day retire back in Thaialnd ,we may have a few years to go yet and a bit more savings to do ,but thats our goal.

Oh ..he went back to Isaan to work on the family farm ...last time i stayed there for a while
he went to work in a factory in bkk ..one time for a couple of months

[goji]

ive been with only one boy for the last 2 years and i want to know other's experiences...
I for my longest ever relationship, I offed the same guy about 5 times in 8 days.

[joe552]

sounds like fun goji, but hardly a relationship? :dontknow:

[cdnmatt]

the relationship will last until your money is depleted

Not always. We were dirt poor before (ie. not eat for 2 - 3 days poor), and he stuck it out with me. Now that we have good money, I'm a cheap cunt (well, not really, but somewhat), and he's still here. :-)

[joe552]

sorry, matt, I find the idea of a western guy in Thailand being so poor he doesn't eat for 2 or 3 days hard to swallow. Maybe some exaggeration here? I've no doubt you and Kim have a good thing going now, but wonder if you weren't able to provide the basics when you met, that he would have stayed with you?

[luvthai-2]

My time with the number 1 boy from the old Manny bar was 4 years as bf and then another 4 years as just friends (no sex). Finally the lies and stealing reached a point that I just couldn't continue the friendship. I miss him so much!

[cdnmatt]

sorry, matt, I find the idea of a western guy in Thailand being so poor he doesn't eat for 2 or 3 days hard to swallow. Maybe some exaggeration here?

Nope, no exaggeration. Well, I guess there was only once we went 2 - 3 days without eating, because when our next door neighbor found out, she was pissed. From then on, if we didn't have any money, we were required to grab whatever we wanted from her store, she'd run a tab, and we'd pay whenever we could. We couldn't get too much though, because she's not exactly rich either.

But no, money simply dried up. The joys of being self-employed, and working online. Was contracting at the time, only had one main client, his cashflow was drying up, so he was getting pickier & bitchier, withholding payments, etc. There were loads of times we had nothing; sometimes they lasted a couple days, other times a week or more. We'd run a tab up with the neighbor, sometimes Kim would borrow 1000 or 2000 from friends if they had it, Kim pawned his cell phone off so many times he'll no longer goto that shop because he's too embarrassed, and as a last resort, there were even a couple times I borrowed off my parents.

So yeah, when I say poor, I mean poor. Busted my ass over the past year though, managed to develop a nice little company, and become a market leader in my niche, so we're great now, and I'm back to making loads. Wasn't always so though, and honestly, I'm glad it happened. Let's me know he actually does love me. Of course he's here for the financial security, but at the same time, I know full well he loves ME, not my bank account. Trust me. :-)

And without going through the experience of being dirt poor together for so long, I would have never known he actually loves me, and our relationship wouldn't be as deep as it currently is. heh, I don't think about this shit very often, so it's actually getting me a bit choked up. But yeah, I wouldn't have any issues spending the rest of my life with him, and I'm quite certain he feels the same. I'll still love him when he's all old, fat, and ugly with a sagging ass. :-)

[martin911]

Why are people so fixated with the Thai boy stereotype of "bar boy" and that they are some sort of money grabbing individual only out for one thing -- to take as much as possible from the nasty angry farang ??

Im not talking from some lovely shielded ( oh my BF would never do that shit to me ) blinkered point of view - I have had shit to deal with too (same as other relationships at home ) - i know the score in Thailand -- BUT its not ALL about money !!!-- Yet it can be at times all farang worry /fixate about

Why is a Thai gay boy any way different from a say french/us/Brazilian gay guy when it comes to meeting somebody they like and it progresses and hey presto a relationship develops -- --same feelings /thoughts etc

[martin911]

ive been with only one boy for the last 2 years and i want to know other's experiences...
I for my longest ever relationship, I offed the same guy about 5 times in 8 days.

Thats kinda sad !!! --each to their own and all that but taking a boy off 5 times in whatever days is not a relationship -- i have milk in my fridge older than that !!

[Khor tose]

ive been with only one boy for the last 2 years and i want to know other's experiences...what makes you stay with him and what also made you put an end to it.....

I met mine in a bar, but it was not a host bar or a go-go bar and he was with his Farang BF of 2 years. One year later I came back and he had broken up with this Farang BF, who had started a business in the boys name, and took off when it failed, leaving the Thai boy with the bills which he had to pay off. We have been together now for over 2 1/2 years, and we fight and argue a least once a week, we have big age difference as his is only 30 and I am over 60, many differences as to food we like, etc. However, no matter how loud the arguments we always seem to get over it, and I think we are more attached now then when me first started going together over 2 1/2 years ago.

[2lz2p]

Each person is an individual. IMO sometimes the relationship clicks and other times it doesn't - personality, expectations, cultural differences, etc. all factor into it.

I consider myself one of the lucky ones. After coming to Thailand for about 5 years on Holiday, I met my bf - not a bar boy, but a restaurant waiter in boyztown when we met. That will be 20 years ago in December with the last 10 living together here in Thailand.

Do you two live together? Or do you just see him when you're on holidays in Thailand? Two very different situations.

for the note he's not gay..he's a straight man....and we are of the same age....i came to see him every month and starting next month he offered me to stay in his flat...the thing that makes me feel uncertain is that i wondered whether we really do have something special going on or is he just caring for me the same way that he cares for his other customers....one thing which doesnt help as well is my extreme jealousy....ive been thinking lately whether to end this or continue for an uncertain ending..............

gogi .. sometimes its best not to be clever/sarcastic here ... to many just dont get it ...
as for me i love to see people trying to justify how its not all about money ... ive been so poor i had to lick the windows in the morning and sleep in holes in the road ... and you think youve had it tough !!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xe1a1wHxTyo

[lexusgs]

I know it's tempting to ask advice on here. I often thought about myself. I had a fantastic relationship with a bar boy whom I met on GR for 3 years which ended around 4 months ago. Was it his fault that the relationship floundered?.... probably not. Now he is back plying his wares looking for the next 'lucky farang' There might be a time when I hunt him down again in the future as it could have lasted a very long time. I think for any type of relationship to work there has to be balance. Too often in Thailand 80% of the effort needs to come from the farang side which can become quite tiresome I guess after a while but it's the price we pay for having a hot young guy by our side right?
You have been very honest in sharing that your guy is straight. I can only offer my opinion that this type of relationship is doomed to fail by the very fact that he will want to fuck women for the rest of his life. That can only mean one thing for YOUR future. Heartache. I know it ain't easy but this is one guy that you really need to let go. Fun yeh. Relationship....time for you to move on.
That's my Agony Aunt offering for today :salute:

[joe552]

I have to agree with lexusgs on this one - there's no future in this relationship unless the OP is really prepared to share this man. If he's straight, he'll want relationships with women.

I can see no future in a relationshop between a gay man and a straight man. If I were the OP, I'd end it now and move on. There are enough gay Thai men out there looking for a serious relationship with a farang. Why set yourself up for more heartbreak?

thanks lexusgs..ive been thinking about the same as well....its just that sometimes i cant rightly determine his feelings towards me.........maybe its time for me to move on afterall or be a happy butterfly as i was before.....

[dutchkiwi]

ive been with only one boy for the last 2 years and i want to know other's experiences...what makes you stay with him and what also made you put an end to it.....

I met mine in a bar, but it was not a host bar or a go-go bar and he was with his Farang BF of 2 years. One year later I came back and he had broken up with this Farang BF, who had started a business in the boys name, and took off when it failed, leaving the Thai boy with the bills which he had to pay off. We have been together now for over 2 1/2 years, and we fight and argue a least once a week, we have big age difference as his is only 30 and I am over 60, many differences as to food we like, etc. However, no matter how loud the arguments we always seem to get over it, and I think we are more attached now then when me first started going together over 2 1/2 years ago.


Guess about the fights and arguments : Money matters, going ouT

The falang took off because the bussiness failed. When a falang not controls a bussiness 24 hours a day, the bussiness will fail.. Thais have problems with paying bills, only income is important, with that income mostly going out for making friends. Yes when you have money, you will get many friends.
Maybe i wrong, but this is common

i visit Thailand more then 15 years and mostly 4 times a year, so i know the ins en out. I had several Thai relations ships, all based on money and mostly one way.

Read my other message, i have a very good experience with a pino,

[dutchkiwi]

Each person is an individual. IMO sometimes the relationship clicks and other times it doesn't - personality, expectations, cultural differences, etc. all factor into it.

I consider myself one of the lucky ones. After coming to Thailand for about 5 years on Holiday, I met my bf - not a bar boy, but a restaurant waiter in boyztown when we met. That will be 20 years ago in December with the last 10 living together here in Thailand.


Yes , the winning number of the lottery, and a Thai boy that understand it.

[francois]

Maybe exceptions to everything, but money matters. If a farang does not have the financial resources to support himself and , at least, help his Thai bf, then the relationship will fail. One cannot expect a Thai to be able to be the bread winner.
Probably there are situations where there is shared responsibility between a farang and his Thai partner, but the OP, kelly, specified a relationship with a bar boy.

[bucknaway]

Why ask. Just enjoy the now.

http://youtu.be/a2V3SNrkpp0

[francois]

I can see no future in a relationshop between a gay man and a straight man.

But there are long term relationships between a gay man and a straight Thai. I know of several that have endured for years. Some are platonic in nature but some continue to be physical. The line between straight and gay is blurred in Thailand. Then there are the straight farang who turn gay and partner with a Thai gay boy or lady boy.

[joe552]

I don't disbelieve you, francois, but I couldn't be in a relationhsip with a straight guy Thai or Western. I know there isn't just one form of relationship which suits all. If it works for both partners, good for them.

[Khor tose]

Guess about the fights and arguments : Money matters, going ouT.......................................
i have a very good experience with a pino,

No, that is a good guess and probably a common problems some couples have. but with us I like to be on time and I want him to go to work on time, and time seems to mean nothing to him. He takes far to long to get ready and is always late. Definitely a clash of cultures.
I envy you a good experience with a pino. I fled the country after three months trying to find one who was not screwed up in the head or playing games.

[dutchkiwi]

My pino lost his dad when he was 17 years of age, before the had two shops , but his dad got cancer and all the profit went to the costs of hospital, but unfortunately..

He try try to start a little shop, but he thought more about future, so he got back to school, so he met me on gay romeo, intinal i not want to contact him, but i thought , let have a try. I told him directly that i know that he contact with me was on money matters, he denied, i try to ask something, but never got to the point, because he was ashame of himself , he told me later, but he was also desperate, finally he told me he could not pay the schoolfee. So i ask him about the amount of money. It was around 100 Euro, ok, give me your bank account, no he has not, imtold him i will do with western union, he ask me what is western union. So no bank account, no western union.

After i send him the money, he show me throught the webcame some days later the bill of the school, including the stamp that the bill was paid.

3 month later i decide to see him, i bought a ticket for him from Davaa to Manilla, i stayd there 10 days, i had wonderfull time and he cared so much for me.

So i ask him about his future, he told his aunt and mum and other person will help him with the study, but i knows the not last long, so i told him to pay his study

Now years later, he schoolresult is super, he is now on job training in cincinetti, because the hours are not enough he decide to found 2 other jobs, no he has 3 jobs , work 14-16 hours a day. Makes good money, he is pride to buy his macbook light , after ask me permission.

I had several boys before, this an exeptional one, i ask him yesterday if he needs some money, he said, no, he needs to survive with his own earned money.

In July he will be back, in aug i will be there, and then after he will look for work, so work and school.
Next year when he gradutate ,( Hotel, Restaurant Bussiness Management )

Next year, he can work with me on the cruiseship ( yes i am chief engineer).
He want to generate a capital to start later his own Restaurant in Davao

Yes a guy full of ambitions.

But he is coming from a family with lots of values and disipline, yes he got good education.
Because the way i tread hem, he sees more as a second Dad, and. i feel proud to have a son i wished to have.

[joe552]

a nice story, dutchkiwi, thanks for sharing - sounds like you got a good one there.

[dutchkiwi]

a nice story, dutchkiwi, thanks for sharing - sounds like you got a good one there.


yes joe, it is,

people he know us and met him. comment to me that i win the lottery, you know, i have that feeling.

Barboys and so, the boys you try to get out of the scene, that is so difficult, this kind of guys has already a part of lifestyle, it will be very difficult for them to have a relationship with a hugh age difference and then tell them what to do.
Mostly it will never work. Special not in the age between 18 and 28 .

Think about when we were youg and in that age, and our parents tell us to do this and that. It was difficult to accept that

[joe552]

very true, indeed.

[Wesley]

how long will it last, until your money runs out.

or you die which ever comes first. not intending to be mean here just the eay things are. They are quite romantic though especially with a gold bracelet on thier arm under a cloth band to keep anyone from seeing it. that is his sell off in bad times. Buy him one and he will stay with you until he has to sell it for his moms flat-screen TV. I'm being mean, let me stop. I have really met some really nice guys there. some do love to butterfly. I don't care as long as they take me along for a 3 way

[Nabaat]

22mins including shower n foreplay

[Neal]

Currently I have a dear sweet one. Really took me by surprise as he was trying to do some massages on the beach and was on Gay Romeo.
We have not been together but a few weeks now but he has been off GR and massages as his own choice. He seemed very confused as I was nothing but a butterfly. I soon, real soon, realized that he wanted and needed a secure relationship with one falang. For some reason, and it is not money, he looks past the heavy hips, the old age and keeps saying he loves me and that he wants me to stay forever. I don't understand it as I have never had this and I can look into his eyes and watch him and believe what he says is true. Much to his sorrow I have continued to play around and I guess its because in sex I enjoy the sudden hardcore play hard sex and with him I like the tenderness of cuddling and sex and being so close to him all night. I leave him alone to do his own thing and I have seen him play with his friends, have a good time and come back to me. He is very shy about enjoying his relationship but is coming out of his shell. Enjoys getting up at 5 am every other day to escort me to the hospital for dialysis and stays awake so that when I sleep and turn, he is right there to adjust the blanket. Now he even is so brave with the nurses that he usually sleeps in the hospital bed next to me for the 4 1/2 hours.
He comes from Cambodia, eats with his fingers, chomps away with mouth open, takes 3 showers a day, helps support his sister here in Pattaya who sells ice cream on Jomtien, and is the sweetest, most loving and caring boy I ever knew. I just don't understand what he sees in me and I get depressed sometimes that it took me 12 years of looking to find him and at this point in my life. :love7:

Like every one in the world they can be different from each other
I met mine working in a bar....but when we became bf's he stopped working there ..i 've known him for nearly 2 years and am very happy .....i hear bad stories about this sort of relationship but i've not found him to be like that..over time he's proved to me he is a good guy..like every one i had my doubts at first but the more i get to know him the more my love grows stonger..in Thai there are many cute guys but i wouldent swap him for any of them.
and lets face it ..are the lads back in the west any better.....thier not angels so why should we expect Thai people to be any different.

[Dodger]

I just don't understand what he sees in me and I get depressed sometimes that it took me 12 years of looking to find him and at this point in my life.

Believe me, you're not as depressed now as you would be if you were to all of a sudden lose him.

Enjoy each moment of each day with him. Be grateful that he's come into your life and that he sees something special in you. Evaluate the importance of continiuing on with all those short-time hard sex romps and consider placing his feelings first. If he is willing to see inside you - then be willing to see inside yourself.

How long will it last someone asks? If it's lasting today that's all that really matters.

Good luck. He sounds like a great guy.

...He comes from Cambodia, eats with his fingers, chomps away with mouth open, takes 3 showers a day....


Oh don't worry about that - I have a friend from Glasgow who does the same.
Apart from the showers.

:occasion9:

[Neal]

Thanks for that Dodger.

[Manforallseasons]

I had a straight b/f he was a bartender in a go go.......we meet each night after he finished working and I encouraged him to see his friends during the day, I had no illusions I am a top and he enjoyed sex as his cock stayed hard. I gave him some money every day and sent 2000 a month to his parents. We were close, I enjoyed my time with him, often I'de say why don't you go out, but he preferred time spent with me, sometimes too much time.
He is now in the army and has a pregnant girl friend, I couldn't be happier for him.

[Neal]

Sometimes the money is a side issue. They have nothing and nothing to give us besides love and themselves. In exchange, sometimes some money and help to the family is what they need. Share and share alike but don't let it get outta hand or become, EXPECTED!

[gaymandenmark]

I had a straight b/f he was a bartender in a go go......

I have always been wondering how it is possible for a gay man, to have a straight boyfriend. ??

[Manforallseasons]

Good question! I'll try my best to answer it. I've always been attracted to guys, the guy next door type. I am not that fond of kissing but enjoy affection and sex. I like the way a straight guy carries himself, I also don't like drama. By nature I am the jealous type if my b/f wants to screw a woman I could care less. I need alone time without my partner thinking it has anything to do with him. Most import I'm sensible enough to understand that an age difference of almost 40 years takes romantic love off the table, in it's place I'm perfectly content to be in a relationship where each partner cares for the happiness and well being of the other.

[Neal]

Here here! Exactly like me! Leave your hands off my man bitch! Hey, that's another thread!!

[Manforallseasons]

Here here! Exactly like me! Leave your hands off my man bitch! Hey, that's another thread!!


The next time you go to Villa bring him along as I'm never quite sure what I'm shopping for. :hello2:

[Neal]

LOL! I thought he was with me that day.