Monthly payments

[martin911]

I started this topic after reading What Jellybean wrote on the "sex/lies " topic --he was talking about what a boy told him what he was recieving from farangs every month or so

So i think it would be interesting to see how many of us do or have done in the past re sending money to guys here (we dont have to get into exact payments ,thats private i think )
-- i myself dont think its as common as its percieved --ie that most/all thai boys have us all like a bank so it were sending money every month or so

Ok il start
-- in the first 7/8 years coming here to Thailand i Never sent money to guys here --Not one time -- !!(and i am the opposite to mean )

i tend to be cynical and never got involved with boys i met while holidaying here once i departed the shores-- apart from the odd email etc
--nor did i ever buy gold chains/ phones /jeans etc --

I als pay the guys well and thats as far for me as i would let get !! (although plenty Tried to get me to shops !!! to no avail !!!)

When i met my first Bf here we spoke a hell of a lot about what he wanted to do with his life so i started giving him a weekly allowance !( i tried to get him into the habit of saving money for the future etc -- and with him it worked !! )

The allowance was given with the stipend that i was never to be asked for extra for family etc --he also worked in Tiffaney show as a male dancer so was earning money himself

It worked v well and after the first yeAR he had enough saved to pay for the first year and half uni --where he still is to this day --although he is my EX (my doing not his )i will finish paying for the rest of his fees (i made that deal with him at the start )- And I was so proud of him the first time i went to his uni to see him take part in a event there !!!I really think and hope he will be a sucess in something - that will give me great satisfaction if he does

A long time resident friend of mine told me once --you cant help them all -But if you can make a difference for some of them in their lives here then thats a very good thing --i tend to agree with that !!

Bf no 2 -- ive done same with him -- weekly allowance/stipend etc -- thats going on now for 5/6 months or so ,

Ok so thats me ,in 11 odd years or so ive given money to 2 boys on a reg basis ---

Who else gives money to the guys here on a reg basis ??-- im just trying to actually see if a lot of guys get money like that ??

I cant say that I have or do send money in any regular way and in several years my "donations to the cause" have never amounted to anything more than my buying a few small low cost gifts whilst there with a guys such as perhaps a bottle of aftershave etc.

Last year (after getting home from Bali) I "lent" a guy I'd been with there about ┬г230 Stg after a pained story about how he's lent his friend all his money after she had been in a bike accident etc etc and when she didn't / couldn't pay him back he didnt have enough to physically graduate from College (as they charged to release your graduation certificate plus the pics etc "apparently") however he ASSURES me that he will of course pay me it all back just as soon as he finds a job as an accountant now that he's fully qualified ( ha ha yeah I know I know he caught me on a bad day when I wasn't particularily concentrating lol).

I've also sent a small amount of money, about 3000 baht perhaps, to enable a guy to buy a bus ticket and make a last payment on his bike to enable him to leave Bkk for Samui to take up a new job, which he again ASSURED me that he'd pay back the second he started working ( that was a year ago and I chat to him regularily about how his bar job is going etc but it's never mentioned - until sometimes if he rings me when drunk and then he brigs it up and "swears to Buddha" he hasn't forgotten and his life is tough and he knows he has to pay it etc etc - needless to say I waved bye bye to that the second I sent it lol.

I have also sent again a few small amounts ( no more than 4000 baht, perhaps only twice or three times over a period of three years) to a guy I've known a while just to help him when specific ( I think genuine) crisises things came up in his life and to be fair he never asked me for it any of the times and it was just me trying to help out a friend - however I do know that other farang where also sending him Iphones etc at the same time - he openly volunteered that fact to me but stated that whilst he was pleased to have the phone they had an ulterior motive in thinking it would help them keep check on him via location software installed on it so he had no compunction in taking what he could from them whislt they were being so controlling - I should also add that he was running rings round them with me and others all the while whilst they thought they were being SO smart!. For the first time I did debate sending this same guy something as our "relationship" (or whatever it was) developed but never did ( and am quite glad in hand sight that I didn't start going down that path).

On my last trip a beer bar guy that I am "friendly" with everytime I am in Bkk was literally just back from living in Europe for 3 months with his B.F. who "loved him" and was back in Bkk with him, my friend then admitted to me that the whole time he'd been in Europe he'd been working as a cll guy behind his BF's back ( personally I think he knew) and had made a small fortune, I also witnessed him arranging to meet other guys literally ( and I mean LITERALLY ) as his BF's back was turned in the bar so he must have been doing quite well now that he was home again!

So, that's it for me, that's my lot and thankfully it's not too bad at all - (yet) - and long may it continue that way ! :-)

[colmx]

I have been "supporting" my BF for the last 9.5 years
The first money that i sent him was to help set him up in a new room after his best friend (and as i discovered a years later part time lover!) had been killed in a motorbike accident,days after i had returned from Thailand.

Its kinda hard to fake someones death and the monk pics (of BF) sent to me left me pretty convinced that he was telling the truth.
On my next trip we upgraded his room to a nicer room with aircon and hot water... the room was new and nice and more than acceptable for me to stay in so i agreed that i would pay the monthly rent on that... and stay there on my trips

Also agreed to fund the building of a new home and this was built over a number of years

Over the years the amount of money he gets from me monthly has risen substantially, he drifts in and out of jobs and businesses and i guess would get by if he had to without the money from me... but his hedonistic and playboy lifestyle would be substantially curbed!

Do i have any fear that he has another farang?
Absolutely not!
He has had plenty of Thai boy Giks that come and go (as do I here in Ireland with Japanese, Chinese and Malaysian boys) and we usually chat 3-4 times a day on the phone. I think that he is either too smart and knows he would get caught out... or is too stupid to try and pull it off!

As for the amount of boys that have multiple farangs that they string along... i would estimate that it is less than 2-3% of the total population of gogo/bar boys
Some boys have a regular farang that they "take Care" of when they are on regular trips... some might even have 4-5 regular customers that they stay with... But in my opinion the stories of (nearly every) boy having multiple farangs are more urban legends or "stories with legs" than stories steeped in truth

and there speaks a true farang supporting thai lover .. one whos not dumb enought to belive it could happen to him .. nor belive a dumb thai could be clever enough to have him over ... :hello2:

[christianpfc]

I do not send money to friends in Thailand. On a few cases, I gave up to 1000 Baht each to friends, borrowed or as a gift.

I never had a boyfriend, and when I get one we will probably live together (as I cannot imagine having a long-distance relationship). If there is a significant difference in income, I would pay rent, water, electricity and entertainment, but probably not a monthly allowance.

[Dodger]

colmx Wrote:


As for the amount of boys that have multiple farangs that they string along... i would estimate that it is less than 2-3% of the total population of gogo/bar boys

I agree.

I also think 20% of the working boys capture 80% of the money...the old Pareto Theory at work again.

I have been providing financial support to my BF for the past 8-1/2 years which basically amounts to a monthly car payment. We both contributed money towards the building of a family home - a 2-1/2 year project. According to him (and I believe him), the money I provide him is a 70% reduction from the money he earned when working on the scene. Over the years he informed me that he once had 3 regular farangs, all of whom sent him monthly checks from abroad. As much as it pains me to say this - he was one of those in the 20% earning category and was making big bucks. Prior to us getting together he had already purchased a farm tractor for his father (an expensive proposition) and a few extra rai of land. He manged 3 separate bank accounts with the efficiency of a CPA.

The money I provide him may be much less than he was earning before - but it has helped to make life a bit easier for his family, allowed him to leave the working scene, and provides a light at the end of the tunnel for his future as well. Every time I ask him why he went with me versus making the big bucks his answer is always..."because you ting tong and I always reply..."no, you're supposed to say - it's because I am ting tong". Then he says..."no, I am not ting tong - you ting tong". And around and around it goes.

He (Thep) has been incarcerated for the past 19 months. I spend a few hundred baht a day during my visitations when in country and have been stashing the extra bucks in the bank to burn when he released.

[cdnmatt]

Ummm, no monthly stipends or anything like that here. Of course I'm the breadwinner, but that's fine with me, as I'm just naturally the provider type, and am comfortable in that role. On the flip side, he takes care of me too emotionally and spiritually, and I know if I didn't have that in my life, I'd be much worse off. So we just take care of each other, the world magically continues to go round and round, and our lives continue improving as the weeks and months tick by. Can't complain. :)

I could never do a weekly or monthly allowance though, because then it just wouldn't be "our" life, and for me, it would defeat the entire purpose of being together. Same as I can never tell him what to do, even though I know he wants me to. Sometimes he'll even get a bit angry while asking, "well, why don't you ever tell me I can't go out with my friends?!?". Well, because it's up to you, not me. I wouldn't like it if you tried telling me what to do, so why would I think it's a good idea to tell you what to do?

Although I do really wish he'd take some initiative to make something of himself already. :( Not sure what to do there...

[martin911]

Ummm, no monthly stipends or anything like that here. Of course I'm the breadwinner, but that's fine with me, as I'm just naturally the provider type, and am comfortable in that role. On the flip side, he takes care of me too emotionally and spiritually, and I know if I didn't have that in my life, I'd be much worse off. So we just take care of each other, the world magically continues to go round and round, and our lives continue improving as the weeks and months tick by. Can't complain. :)

I could never do a weekly or monthly allowance though, because then it just wouldn't be "our" life, and for me, it would defeat the entire purpose of being together. Same as I can never tell him what to do, even though I know he wants me to. Sometimes he'll even get a bit angry while asking, "well, why don't you ever tell me I can't go out with my friends?!?". Well, because it's up to you, not me. I wouldn't like it if you tried telling me what to do, so why would I think it's a good idea to tell you what to do?

Although I do really wish he'd take some initiative to make something of himself already. :( Not sure what to do there...

Thats why i tried to instil the saving gene into them !! -you know better than anybody how the poorer Thais only live from week to week
My first guy really got into it !! -listing daily weekly expenses for himself --and as he said himself he became a lot aware
more of how he was spending his money
He sat targets for himself to save monthly --and anything extra was what he /me called his treat money --and if he had a good month tip wise from Tiffaney there was a good few months he had the bones of 10k to spend on himself --and he took huge excitnment in seeing his money in the bank mounting up (as does my current Bf although his not as kinneau as the first !!!!)

One morning lately going home on a motorbike i asked him what he had saved to date( and its going into some type of account it cant be accessed so easily ,and he has no atm card )-
And he ans (not bad the amount )--- and i asked if it felt GOOD him having money in the bank like that ?? --and he wrapped his arms around me ,stuck his nose into my neck and said such a happy sounding YES !!-

Now if i could only get him to stop telling lies big and small -sigh
Any tips on that Matt -i could do with a few lol - for the little brat :tongue3: !!!

The way i put it to them ( was that he would be better able to " take care of mama" --with a decent job ,that involved sacrifices now but would be better in the long run !!
But of course -he did help from time to time--from his own funds !!

Now im cert not saying what i am trying would work for all -!! but its what im trying for now !!


Matt you are still giving him money no matter what you try to dress it up --and as i found out in the past if certain limits/goals are not fixed -- most people (not just cute thai boys will Milk it for all its worth -its human nature !!)
And the Thai family will even more
In the 2.5 years we were together i got caught only once --his sister delivered her baby a month early (and i did see her pregnant lol ) and needed cash to pay hospital bill - wasnt repaid and my guy was so embaressed over the whole event

And if you keep "taking care " of him (and extended family from prev posts) YOU are the one stifilling any initiative he might have -

I kinda went thru that with my youngst brother !! he als had me to fall back on --and he took the piss -took it for granted etc --
until one day my sec said to me (as i was giving another rant about him and what i had to do this time ) she said if i keep bailing him out he will never learn from mistakes (her husband was a good friend of my bro so she had insight !!)

So i cut off the support he had -he is so much more independent now !!

Well going on the few (to date )responses not a lot of members are sending reg money back to the guys - Colmx and Dodger seem to sum it up !!-#
It was something i had not thought much of before

And Britthai unlike you i have spent a lot of time with Colmx and His Terrak ( :happy7: ) and what they have works for both !!! Simple as that -
I would cert agree with what he says re T not having another Farang -- again i have been in his Bf s companys at times when Colmx is not in thailand -he is not one of those Thai guys that are hunting for more Farang (cute poochai boys for him to convert Yes -- but they Both do that when Colmx is here )
--and you do NOT see many Farang /Thai relationships last the 9 odd years that their has !!!!--

What did u manage yourself eh ??

[cdnmatt]

Now if i could only get him to stop telling lies big and small -sigh
Any tips on that Matt -i could do with a few lol - for the little brat :tongue3: !!!

Not really, just make sure he knows it's less painful to be honest. :-) If Kim does something stupid, sure I'll probably get angry, but nothing severe. However, if he lies about it and I catch him in that lie, then I'm 10 times as angry. Just the way I was raised, as my mom did the exact same with me. And these guys lie so much they can't even remember their own lies, so it's easy to catch him out in it. He knows this now, so just tells the truth, because he knows it's easier that way.


And if you keep "taking care " of him (and extended family from prev posts) YOU are the one stifilling any initiative he might have

Yeah, I know, and totally agreed. It's completely my fault, and I did it to him. It's just easy to give, but hard to take away, you know? No worries, we'll figure it out. :)

I don't know, I just hate that concept though. I want him to want it for himself, not do it to please me, or because it's what he's been told he's supposed to do. He was doing awesome with his little shirt selling operation before though, and I had him writing out balance sheets everyday, and it was great. He loved it too. Then he had a falling out with his friend, so no longer had a way to get inventory to the market. *shrug* Now he knows I won't invest into him again until I see him work a proper job at least 5 days/week for 2 months. If he can do that, I'll be happy to drop some coin into whatever business venture he wants.

.... no longer had a way to get inventory to the market...

Is this some kind of N American business-speak?

What the hell do you mean?

Seriously.

:dontknow:

[cdnmatt]

.... no longer had a way to get inventory to the market...

Is this some kind of N American business-speak?

What the hell do you mean?

Seriously.

:dontknow:

Inventory = shirts, pants, shorts, gonch, socks, belts, etc. You have to pack that shit home with you every night, and back to the market the next day.

Market = well, the market. Those little street markets you see everywhere in Thailand.

In other words, his friend had a truck, we don't. They worked together, so she was his ride to the market everyday.

OK I get it - inventory = stock.

Market - I knew :sign5: but here "inventory" is maybe a list of stock but I've never heard it used to describe the stock itself

Cheers.

:occasion9:

[Beachlover]

I've never sent money to a Thai guy before... It's just not necessary.

There's plenty of guys in Thailand who are financially self-sufficient and have enough pride and integrity not to accept hand outs.

I think some farang end up doing it because they fall for the "low hanging fruit"... i.e. Thai guys who are actually LOOKING for a foreigner to look after them financially or guys who hang around that scene and lack the integrity to refuse such an "opportunity". That's the sort of scenario where a monthly payment would be expected.

If you actually get away from the commercial gay scene, you'll see there's plenty of normal Thai guys who earn a living in their own right, have no expectation of payment and would actually be embarrassed and turned off by hand outs.

P.S. Scottish... Inventory is a common term to use for stock in Australia too. I use it all the time.