Update re my planned village trip :-(

So, some of you may recall that I'd planned to travel to a Bf's village with him for Christmas and after receiving much good advice I promised to post an update on my return - so here goes with what turned into a disaster story and one that I have thought long and hard about should I even post here but I figured that we all read lots of lovely stories about meeting hot guys and having great times when in Thailand etc but I felt that I should post this perhaps for newer members of the board as the following DID happen and it's real life and so that they can see and perhaps just be aware of some of the the other risks of having "fun" when travelling etc and if it helps one person then it will have been worth it :-( And please guys no nasty comments if you dont like what I've posted as this whole below story has been painful enough without any unnecessary bitching - please.

So, a quick bit of background first - I'd met up with this particular "boyfriend" (who I'll not name for reasons that will become obvious later ) during a previous trip to Bkk and we were together for around 2 weeks and then he and I then spoke / chatted just about every other day since and became quite close, he's a nice normal guy 28 year old guy who works in a department store and although he frequents the gay scene in Bkk and goes to DJ etc etc he's not a Money boy or taxi money boy or the likes ( well as far as one can tell obviously but after making lots of enquiries I really dont think so). He was very open and told me that before I had arrived the last time he'd been with one American guy (again no names in case he's on here but I do know his name!) but as that was before I'd arrived and he had now departed back to the States that was all fine and was of no consequence.


So after reading the advice here about re our village trip I had pre-booked and paid for both our flights and also our car hire and when I arrived in Bkk this time round and he immediately joined me in my hotel and we then spent an enjoyable few days together, where needless to say and to be blunt here we had quite a lot of sex ( and I'm not being crass there there is a reason I'm mentioning that), however as the week progressed I sensed that there was something wrong and that there was something deeply troubling him, so after three full hours of me badgering him about what was wrong he finally broke down in tears and informed me that he was HIV positive !!!

Needless to say I was totally floored and even though I knew that all our main sex had been "safe" and using condoms etc I was also thought back to a lot of other things that we had perhaps done which whilst not involving actual "sex" certainly would not have been considered 100% safe and so was furious that he hadn't told me and needless to say I told him so in no uncertain terms.

However I could also see and do believe that this wasn't some deliberate trap or situation that he'd created for me as he was terrified of telling me in case i dumped him whereas I do believe it was something that he just hadn't been able to face up to or address to himself even as when I started to delve deeper it turned out that he'd only been diagnosed six weeks ago and he simply hadn't even faced up to the reality of his own situation and was just blanking it out - without perhaps considering the danger he was placing me in.

Anyway so once I'd calmed him down a bit it transpires ( and of course I only have his word and his version of events to go one here but I do believe him and he did show me various emails which totally backed up his version of events) so it transpired that the guy who he'd been with before I last arrived had taken him to Pattaya, got him very very drunk and basically fucked him while he was so drunk - without a condom - which he didn't realise and NEVER would have permitted - all the while knowing full well that he was HIV positive - and in subsequent emails that I've seen from the U.S guy where my friend said to him "do you know what you've done to me etc" he actually laughed and replied and used phrases such as "well you probably deserved it, sure you're thai and you probably go with lots of men anyway" and lots of other horrendous things like that.

So, I realised then that I was the first person that he'd told as up until then I think he had simply blocked his status out of his mind, almost hoping that it would go away and just simply not be true. I then asked him about such things as his viral load and his CD4 count etc and it was apparent that he had NO idea what I was talking about and basically (and literally) the doctor who diagnosed him had told him, "here's your test result, it's positive, so just go on home now and come back if you get sick someday" and when I asked him what his plans were he just broke down in tears and simply said "I go back to my village to die now" - and I can tell you that hearing that from a handsome, fit and healthy 28 year old guy was simply heartbreaking.

So, needless to say I got myself down to the hospital in Silom and asked for an HIV test etc and they simply suggested I take a course of "PEP" tablets which if taken within 72 hours of the risk of infection vastly reduces the chances of contracting HIV, HOWEVER as it was so long after the 72 hour window ( it was around 150 hours later by this stage) I pointed out that PEP would be useless and would only serve to ruin the rest of my holiday due to the very bad side effects the pills can cause and whilst I said of course I would be happy to take them if worked I KNEW they would not and they basically dismissed me and "take them or not, up to you". So I then returned to my hotel room and sat and rang just about every UK HIV advice centre I could think of to help me confirm my belief (which was correct) that the tablets would be useless as the time window had already closed and the damage if caused was already done ! :-(

The one good thing that came out of that hospital trip was that whilst I was with the doctor I was able to get her to speak with my boyfriend on the phone and she was really good and took lots of time with him ( as the first doctor should have done) and as he was so ashamed of being infected he never intended to go hear a hospital EVER again re this she actually coaxed him to come in and see her the next day (totally free of charge and in her own time) and she / we were able to get him on the state scheme which will provide free treatment and support for him for the rest of his life so at least that was "something".

The reason in case you're wondering that I waited until now to post this story was that I was in fact waiting on my own test results here in the UK as to get a solid and accurate result you need to give a full month from risk to test and I'm relieved to say my own test was Negative.

So apologies for the long post but I did promise to post an honest report on my return and it doesn't get much more real and honest than the above :-( so, I hope if nothing else that the above maybe serves to (re) remind even one person on the board of the need for safe sex, even when you think you know the person you're with. And to the guy who infected my friend - if you're on here - words just can't describe what I think and feel about you and your callous actions and I don't think you'll ever realise just how much you have ruined that poor guys life - forever, may you rot in hell.

Anyway guys, so that's my "report" and needless to say my trip this time was one that I'll not be looking back on with such fond memories but unlike my friend ( who I am still in touch with as "friends" by the way) I look forward to things being much happier on my next trip hopefully.

sad sad story .. im glad youare ok but such a shame about your friend ... still at least if he takes his meds he should be ok ...
just a thought with regards to the wanker who infected your friend .. you have his email address .. i would have thought there is some way that you could get this guy done for attempted murder ... there was a case in england recently where a guy got put away for many years for infecting women ... this guys still out there and im sure wouldnt think twice of doing the same thing to someone else ... maybe you could look at ways to get him locked up :dontknow:

Yeah I have considered that and personally I would like to do something ( if not take a knife to the bastard) however my Thai friend has asked that I do nothing as he believes ( quite wrongly) that as he's still in touch with his creep by email etc that he can perhaps prick his heart and get him to pay up a reasonably large or money to make up in some way for his actions, just as Thai's would do between themselves in such a situation perhaps, so he has asked me to do nothing until he sees were that goes.

I have already told him that he's no chance as if the guys that big a bastard to do that in the first place there's no way he's going to pay up to a mere "Thai guy" - and to make things even worse the guy has actually suggested to my friend that goes and lives with him in the States "seeing as they both have HIV now" and he can get him medical care there - the scheming calculating prick - and the worst is that my friend is having to consider it as he ( believes wrongly) that he has no other options in his long term life plan re meeting a partner now ( as he'd hoped I was it and he knows that isn't going to happen now)- however needless to say he HATES the guy with every bone in his body and all I can say is that if he does go the guy had better sleep with one eye open for the rest of his miserable life as my friend may just do him so fatal damage some night!.

[latintopxxx]

Disturbing story to say the least, even more disturbing I was under the impression that Thailand being richer than it's neighbours had a better health system able to assist those in need, clearly not the case.
Reinforces the need to play safe...assume that all your sex partners are positive..as someone once said (not sure who)..if you "sleep"with someone you are sleeping with everyone he has slept with!!! Scary.
Know that today with adequate medical assistance one can live a long life if positive but still best avoided.

To be fair to the Thai Government I believe that between them and the World Health Organisation Thailand does actually have a good and totally free HIV support system in place, but I believe that there's such a stigma still attached to the virus - especially in the villages etc and especially if you are gay, that a lot of the locals (such as my friend) simply don't take up or attend hospital to get their free treatment and simply "go home to die" - and with him being buddhist and having the whole "well there's no point in me doing anything about it as it was obviously my fate" I had to almost scream at my friend to get him to see that this isn't the end of this life and that if he acts responsibly that he will live a long and happy life, but whilst he's taking care or himself now because I'm on his case so much I do fear that as I start to remove myself from the situation that may not remain the case :-(

And as he keeps pointing out his health is almost irrelevant now to him because as far as he sees it it's his long term future that is totally screwed now as he believes (maybe correctly) that he will never now meet the farang that he'd been searching for now and so won't be able to marry and thus give his parents a secure old age etc which of course is so important to him as he's their only son - which I have to sadly say he's probably right about - unless of course he lies to the next unsuspecting farang but he's assured he that's something he would not do.......but who knows what he may have to do in the future to "survive" :-(

[bucknaway]

He may be able to take legal action. I am sure I have read news accounts where men and women have been convicted of knowingly infecting others.

His emails may offer him a slam-dunk case.

Yeah i have pointed that out to him on several occasions now without success, but he has attitude of both that a) he can't afford to go to a solicitors about it and also the idea of that how can he a simple Thai guy from an Isan village do anything to a big wealthy farang - again I have told him he most probably can and actually offered to help with both the initial cost and advice etc but he doesn't want to know and thinks his way is better - I've a sneaking suspicion that his ONLY main concern is to keep this quiet so that NO ONE finds out as he ( incorrectly of course) feels so "ashamed" of his now being HIV positive and what that will mean to his family's name back in his village etc :-( And I guess there comes a point where I have to respect his wishes and let him get on with things however he wants to handle it - and to be totally frank I've enough troubles of my own right now so I've given all the help and advice and guidance that I can now and I'm going to leave him to his own decisions from here on in I guess - however hard that is to watch :-(, but if I do see an easy way for him to nail that piece of shit either financially or in some other way I'll will most certainly be up for helping in that because as one poster has already said if the slime ball has done that once already, he'll be SURE to do it again to some other poor unsuspecting soul.

[paperboy]

wow sad story
I read this early on today, its been in my mind all night, cant get it out.
to me and Im sure too others on here its ATTEMPTED MURDER
THere is a very very strong solid case there,

if not give us the bastards name a nd email address
and let somebody deal with it another way.
just makes me so so sad

paperboy

[a447]

A very courageous post. And a timely warning to us all.
Thanks, mate.

[Diec]

Yes indeed this is a very sad story. However, it appears to me the young man in question (28) has known about HIV and it's affects and how it's contracted all his life as HIV has been around before he was born, and being gay he should know about it. It would seem to me that Nirishy's boyfriend is also guilty of attempted murder since he knew of his status before he had sex with Nirishy.

Was the bf raped and therefore that's why there was no condom? Had the other farang disclosed his status before having sex with the b,f but due to the extra cash he was giving, the bf decided to take his chances and enjoy the cash now and worry if he got HIV later? I would love to hear updates how Nirishy is helping this poor young soul along with life due to his new health status. Will Nirishy continue to help this poor helpless boy financially with the meds this boy desperately needs, or will he leave him to suffer the effects of his poor decision making alone? Nirishy seems to have deep feelings for this boy so I hope he does and won't kick him to the wayside.

@ diec = "it appears to me the young man in question (28) has known about HIV and being gay he should know about it"

So what are you saying here exactly ? Yes he's 28 and yes he's not stupid, he knows about HIV "generally" but perhaps not the detail someone suffering from the illness may know about such as CD4 counts etc - I don't think that's that uncommon and I think a lot of gay people are in exactly the same situation knowledge wise and yes he knows to wear a condom and always has himself etc - your comment almost sounded a bit like "well he should have known about so what did he expect" and if that is the case then you are wrong about that.


"It would seem to me that Nirishy's boyfriend is also guilty of attempted murder since he knew of his status before he had sex with Nirishy."

Again (and as I explained if you read my post clearly) the guy was in turmoil and hadn't faced up to his own situation and I after much thought about that myself certainly don't consider what he ( very stupidly done) as him attempting my murder and I think that if I, as the person being the one having been put at risk can see past his "mistake" with compassion then so too perhaps should you.


"Was the bf raped and therefore that's why there was no condom?"

Again as I explained, when they had sex ANY time previous to that night the other guy always did and was always made to wear a condom, but that one night he intentionally got my friend very drunk and had sex and he obviously intentionally decided NOT wear a condom with my friend making the silly mistake of not checking ( but again he was drunk and assumed the guy was wearing one as that's what they always did) - was he stupid not to check, yes of course but does that make him an accessory to his fate, I think not and as to was he raped, well the sex was consensual no doubt but the contracting HIV I'm sure probably wasn't !

"Had the other farang disclosed his status before having sex with the b,f"

No !

"but due to the extra cash he was giving" the bf decided to take his chances and enjoy the cash now and worry if he got HIV later?"

Ok considering I went to lengths to point out in my post that my friend was and is NOT a money boy etc etc ( perhaps you didn't read that bit) I find the above quite distasteful, but just to reiterate I can assure that certainly as far as I have been concerned and after making discreet enquiries when we first met up with people that might know such things I can tell you that no money has ever changed hands between my friend and I nor was EVER asked for in any way either whether that be as cash or gifts or anything else for that matter, so no he didn't take any cash and worry about getting HIV later and that's actually incredibly insulting to him on so many levels but I'll just assume that perhaps you miss read that part of my post earlier and move on.

"I would love to hear updates how Nirishy is helping this poor young soul along with life due to his new health status.

You wont be, his life isn't a soap opera for other peoples amusement, the reason I posted even this much and after much thought was to perhaps act as a small reminder to us all of how bad things can easily happen even if you slip up just once over a simple thing like a condom or not being aware of your partners exact actions when drunk. I have already explained that he has now been assisted and is on the State assistance programme and thus he will be covered by that for life now and so does not require any outside financial assistance from me or anyone else and should that ever change I most certainly wouldn't be posting details of any of that here.

"Will Nirishy continue to help this poor helpless boy financially with the meds this boy desperately needs, or will he leave him to suffer the effects of his poor decision making alone?" Nirishy seems to have deep feelings for this boy so I hope he does and won't kick him to the wayside.

Quite frankly - and I realise that this may sound a bit sharp but I sort of mean it too......frankly that's none of your business, as you have already so kindly pointed out the guy is 28, he's not a child, he understands that this is his problem and no one elses, he will and does want to deal with it in his own way, I've given him the tools and support to help him find his feet, we are and will of course remain friends and that's as much as I'm going to say about that as your comments about almost made it sound more like you were posing a question on my moral substance or reeling off like this weeks blockbuster ending in a soap opera i.e tune in next week for the next exciting installment of etc - so I can assure you that will not be the case and the nature of my private relationship with my friend will remain just that - private, but let me just assure you that my moral compass is all fine and dandy thank you and I certainly haven't left my friend kicked to the way side as you so deftly put it. Again if you didn't intend any of your post to read as I have taken it then I apologise and perhaps I'm just a bit raw about the whole thing as yet but that is the way I read the tone your post hence my response.

I hope that clears up any confusion you may have had.

[Brisboy82]

Indeed the suggestion that this boy may have accepted the risk for some extra cash is quite offensive. It was made clear that the op believes that this boy is not a moneyboy so as far as we know there is no reason to think he got infected during a commercial transaction. It really is in poor taste to suggest so.

[cdnmatt]

Sorry to hear about your friend, and glad to hear you're still negative. I'm curious though, why did that stop you guys from going to Issan? I mean, what's done is done. You go get a quick test, it shows negative, and you continue on with your trip.

HIV is definitely a major problem, and something to be taken seriously, but it's nowhere near as bad as it was 20 or even 10 years ago. Several people who frequent my house are HIV+. One has even made it his life's work, works at some HIV clinic in Bangkok, and spends his days off at my house. Good guy. Not sure what he does, but something administrative I'm guessing, because he always has his spreadsheets strewn about the floor, while staring intently at his laptop as if he's hoping it will burst into flames.

Nonetheless, at least for now, all these guys seem perfectly happy and healthy to me, normal strength, partying till all hours of the next, etc. And I think the one guy has had HIV for 8 years or something now. The medication and treatments available now are great, and as you said, are free in Thailand. Granted your sex life goes down the shitter because you have to be ultra safe, but that's about it. It's just the perception of having HIV, but that's all in your mind, with no basis in reality.

Anyway, hope it all goes good for both of you!

[Brisboy82]

A friend of mine didn't even go on medication until around 10 years after infection. He's been positive 22 years now and doing fine despite the fact that he doesn't take care of himself, goes through stds like we get colds, and takes way too many recreational drugs.

The medications are often very effective which is why it's important that these boys know its not a death sentence.

a b/f of mine from many years back is now HIV+ and it is very sad. after pestering hm for a year he finally went to see Dr Phillipe.
The boy is from Burma and therefore has no insurance or ability to apply for assistance which I believe is NOT the case with your friend.
I shell out the money for the blood tests and the meds from Dr Philipe cost me 3,300 a month and I take care of that also. If your friend is able to get assistance from Thailand, well that is more than half the battle!
My boy had the same "go home and die" attitude for at least a year and my constant badgering him and showing him that he could continue to lead a happy healthy life style finally won in the end. It is called persistance and requires you not to give up to get him in for help. In the USA, my houseboy has been HIV now for about 30 years! Meds work wonderfully nowadays. I used to go to hospitals all the time, watch my friends die and go to funerals. Now it is not a common place. Work on your friend even if it takes a year or so. Don't give up on him. It may take a long time but you may just win. Even if you only win one life out of 20 that insist on going home to die, well that's one life!

[Diec]

I just don't quite get this story. The bf knew for 6 weeks he was HIV positive but it took him that long to accept the fact that. Ok, was he celibate for those weeks, or was he in a rage that a farang got him so drunk one night and infected him and let the devil care who has sex with him because this was not any of his doing. It happened to Irishiy, but if the boy cared about Irishiy's health, why did it take three hours (3 hours??) of coaxing to get him to tell. Why would he tell at all? To possibly get sympathy so that he may get supported when he goes to his 'village to die'? I know now the bf understands this is his problem and only his, but he may have made it many other people's problem as well.

I'm glad one person was forgiving of this indiscretion of the bf, but many here seem to vilify the farang who gave him HIV. Maybe it was a simple indiscretion on his part as well? After all, I'm sure the bf had unsafe sex with the farang on more than one occasion. I love how many here claim the farang is the murderer, and the Thai boy is completely innocent and the victim because he was fed copious amounts of alcohol. Did this boy not know when to stop? He wasn't 18, and the majority of HIV is not transmitted on the first unsafe sexual encounter so it one would think unsafe sex was occurring pretty often. It would appear the bf had a drinking problem. I've known boys who never touched a drop because they know what alcohol can lead to. It can ruin a person's life, and I don't mean just health wise.

I know nobody wants to believe their bf has sex when they are not there,they never accept money, etc, but we are only reliant on what the boy tells us. He may have got infected from his Thai bf. If the Thai's are still unaware of the dangers of HIV, then a fund raiser should be presented to let communities aware of this problem. I don't want any of the brown skinned people from the country I love with all my heart to die, or infect any of the wonderful board members here.

[cdnmatt]

I'm glad one person was forgiving of this indiscretion of the bf, but many here seem to vilify the farang who gave him HIV. Maybe it was a simple indiscretion on his part as well? After all, I'm sure the bf had unsafe sex with the farang on more than one occasion. I love how many here claim the farang is the murderer, and the Thai boy is completely innocent and the victim because he was fed copious amounts of alcohol. Did this boy not know when to stop? He wasn't 18, and the majority of HIV is not transmitted on the first unsafe sexual encounter so it one would think unsafe sex was occurring pretty often. It would appear the bf had a drinking problem. I've known boys who never touched a drop because they know what alcohol can lead to. It can ruin a person's life, and I don't mean just health wise.

That's as stupid as serving someone meat that you know full well has salmonella, then after the person gets fatally sick from eating it, you just shrug your shoulders and say, "well, not my fault. he ate it! I didn't force the food down his throat".

Come on...

[adman5000]

NIrish guy: Thanks for taking the time to post the story.

Diec - I just don't quite get this story.

No, I think you do, personally I think you're just trolling for a response you twisted sod, but I'll humour you anyway so here goes.....


The bf knew for 6 weeks he was HIV positive but it took him that long to accept the fact that.

Yes.



Ok, was he celibate for those weeks

Who knows, but I believe so, based on the fact I was speaking to him every day of that period and know for a fact he was working 7 days a week and for 13 hours a day at that time to gather up his own money to pay for things on our trip.


or was he in a rage that a farang got him so drunk one night and infected him and let the devil care who has sex with him because this was not any of his doing.

No, I was there and I can tell you he was in no rage, quite the opposite, he was delighted to see me, we had a great few first days and then I believe reality kicked in a he felt ashamed and frightened once he DID stop and realise what he'd done.



It happened to Irishiy, but if the boy cared about Irishiy's health, why did it take three hours (3 hours??) of coaxing to get him to tell.

Because he's human and we all make mistakes.



Why would he tell at all?
To possibly get sympathy so that he may get supported when he goes to his 'village to die'?
Hardly when he knew that ultimately this revelation wasn't going to win him a relationship with me and nor would I be "funding him" as there is no need.


I know now the bf understands this is his problem and only his, but he may have made it many other people's problem as well.

Well if you saw how terrified he is of ANYONE finding out about this and as I can see no reference to any of this in any emails. texts he sends to friends etc I very much doubt that - and I think that's a fairly extreme example of what YOU believe a typical normal working class guy would stoop to ( and who I would remind you has asked for and received nothing from me) and that I think perhaps says more about type of company you keep when in TL than anything else.



I'm glad one person was forgiving of this indiscretion of the bf, but many here seem to vilify the farang who gave him HIV. Maybe it was a simple indiscretion on his part as well?

Hardly ! - As I think a person knowing they've got HIV and "intentionally" not wearing a condom- when you're with a person who has always insisted that you do wear one when they are sober is hardly an indiscretion more a heinous act!


After all, I'm sure the bf had unsafe sex with the farang on more than one occasion.

REALLY !! and just HOW are YOU SURE about that then ???? considering you know DAMN ALL about it ! So basically what you're saying is that you've decided that the guy - who you dont know from Adam is "obviously" a whore who you are SURE has had unsafe sex on more than one occassion because why - he's Thai perhaps ?? REALLY !!! - no, I just refer to my earlier answer above, you're just a troll and you should keep your nastiness baseless comments to yourself I think just.



I love how many here claim the farang is the murderer, and the Thai boy is completely innocent and the victim because he was fed copious amounts of alcohol. Did this boy not know when to stop?

Again TROLL !! and I'm not going to rise to it - except to say that you do know that you're making yourself look like one twisted fuck here right ?.



The majority of HIV is not transmitted on the first unsafe sexual encounter so it one would think unsafe sex was occurring pretty often.

See, now it's stupid comments like the above that scare me about "most HIV is not transmitted on the first encounter etc" ABSOLUTE BULLSHIT !! and if you're so sure about that I suggest you go out and find an HIV+ guy and fuck him bare back to put your theory to the test !! - whilst people may be LUCKY if they "get away with it" once that's all it is pure random LUCK and ONE session of unprotected sex is ABSOLUTELY all you need to contract HIV - so please anyone else reading this PLEASE disregard this RIDICULOUS and DANGEROUS misinformation from the Troll.



It would appear the bf had a drinking problem."

I doubt it, but hey, perhaps you could be right about that, who knows - but also more importantly so what ??? what's your point ?? But with my late father being a raging alcoholic I think perhaps I would have noticed the signs and I certainly didn't, but hey don't let that stop you making more of your wild and totally unfounded accusations against someone you don't even know eh.


I know nobody wants to believe their bf has sex when they are not there,they never accept money, etc, but we are only reliant on what the boy tells us.

Again again did you not read my post, I've already said how he's told me about being with the other guy before I arrived so I am under no illusion about that OR about the fact that he may well no doubt have sex with LOTS of people as and when he so chooses - SO WHAT - so do I ! - so what's your point here, what because he might choose to have sex that he deserves this - REALLY ? And unlike you I'm a realist and whilst I have no evidence to the contrary even if he has sex when I'm not there ( why shouldn't he we're not married!) or for that matter decides to accept money for that ( which I dont think he does) I would never be so judgemental as you appear to be, it must be great being up there on that Ivory tower of yours.



He may have got infected from his Thai bf.

Yeah - I guess he may ( even though he doesn't have one ) ! - but even if he did does that really change anything ? - But think for now I'm putting my money on the white guy WITH HIV, getting him drunk enough not to notice and then fucking him without a condom whilst telling him afterwards that he deserved it etc was "probably" the cause - but hey just whatever you think as you seem to know more about it than I do.



If the Thai's are still unaware of the dangers of HIV, then a fund raiser should be presented to let communities aware of this problem. I don't want any of the brown skinned people from the country I love with all my heart to die, or infect any of the wonderful board members here.

" Yeah great idea, tell you what, why not you start this Fund then ! - I'm sure "Da Boss" would be happy to accept your ( presumably) large donation to help the "brown skinned" people you claim to love so much ( who are obviously all no better than two bit whores in your eyes anyway obviously) Neal can then confirm your large donation once it's received seeing as you're all heart - I'll not hold my hand on my arse waiting on that happening though somehow I think!

Matt - "I'm curious though, why did that stop you guys from going to Issan? I mean, what's done is done. You go get a quick test, it shows negative, and you continue on with your trip".

Yeah, I know, it was just the way it all happened, this all kicked off the night or maybe two nights I can't exactly recall as it was all a blur at the time) before we were due to fly up to Isan, then it all kicked off and yes I admit I was pissed for a while and also we were both a bit all over the place emotionally the way things had developed, so on one hand I was angry and confused (and slightly frightened for my own welfare if I'm being honest) and yet I was also having to provide a large shoulder for him to cry on all night (literally) so things were a bit fragile I guess.

Also I then needed to both get myself to hospital to get tested etc (which was the next day) and then spend a load of time trying to get the RIGHT answers re the taking the PEP or not ( which all took time) and I also needed to be SURE that he would actually go and see the doctor I'd arranged (which was two days away appointment wise at that stage) so I figured all in all it was better that we stayed in Bkk to get everything sorted and underway.

Also I wasn't just sure that he would have been able to cope playing the dutiful son act at home and living up to the families required image of his doing well and bringing back his farang BF to the village as he was a bit all over the place emotionally and I didn't want to risk it all kicking off whilst i was up there and him perhaps telling his family his news and them then confusing the story and assuming that "I" was person who had infected him or some strange twist and me stuck in a remote village somewhere with no where to run ! :-) PLus I had a notion that if he went home he would have stayed there perhaps and never came back to Bkk and so never returned to any doctor so I figured better to keep him in Bkk for now.

So, it was a mixture of all those things and the next thing the flight time had past and it was obvious neither of us were too worried so we just stayed in Bkk. But I have to admit that I was actually looking foward to the trip and in hind sight you are right and I do wish we had ploughed on, but it's just not the way things panned out - but we'll maybe do it again some other time in happier times perhaps.

And thanks guys for relating all the positive ( no pun intended) stories about your various friends and their good and healthly lives etc, like yourselves I'm fully aware that with the right meds etc thankfully HIV is now no longer the killer it once was and is now considered more of a chronic but treatable illness thank goodness and I've stressed this to my friend many times now and have sent him a load of uplifting stuff to read etc and I'm glad to say that he's starting to "get it" and his mood is improving by the day, so hopefully apart from the obvious long term annoyance to him things will start to improve for him and he can return to his normal everyday life soon and not have the dark thoughts that were plaguing him so much over the last while.

I'm a great believer in fate and in a really strange way perhaps it's as just well that if this had to happen ( I mean his revealing his status to someone not the infection) that it did happened with "me" as at least he has got some sound, practical medical advice and education, plus a place on the free treatment programme and most importantly perhaps a shoulder to cry on when he most needed it - as opposed to having perhaps met some other farang who like another poster on here that I won't bother naming may have taken a very different view and simply judged him and dismissed his as all his fault - and thankfully as I'm ok there has been no harm done (to me) I believe then that my week or two of stress over this is nothing if it ended up helping the guy when he REALLY needed it.

So, thanks, once the dust settles and I'm sure he's not going to kill me for even posting this much I am going to send him read your stories about your friends as I know that will help him cheer up even more.

[Beachlover]

NIrish... for goodness sake! Don't bother replying to Diec! Especially not literally and in so much detail! He's a troll. Go look at his previous posts! Just ignore him.

Thanks for sharing the story. Assuming all details are correct but well aware they may not be... The guy who infected him is sick. I struggle to understand people who can do that sort of thing, intentionally or even unintentionally. People like that are just animals to be avoided like the plague in life.

The writing of the e-mails with those sort of statements from afar, after what he's just done to the guy, is beyond sick. No human being with a conscience is capable of that.

You can never pin 100% of the blame on the other foreigner. The Thai guy did make a mistake. But it's sad he's paying such a high price for it.

As for you... NIrish... you've done what you can. You can provide some emotional support. But please, always be on the lookout for scams in Asia. They can be very elaborate. Some emotional support and advice is great but don't get caught up giving more to a guy you don't know very well.

Don't bother replying to Diec! He's a troll.

Yes, thanks, I do see that now, I have to say I'm depressed that someone is so fucked up in the head to troll over such an issue, it just goes to show you no matter how much medication the hospitals give out to counter mental instability it only works if you actually take it!

:-(



Assuming all details are correct but well aware they may not be.

Yeah, dont worry I fully understand that these are the details as presented to me and are the facts simply as I know them, but like everything in life one uses their own judgement and in this particualr case I do believe the guy, but as you quite correctly cautioned I am also long enough in the tooth to be be aware and cautious as to any possible scams and so as I've already said ( and as you correctly stated) I've done "my bit", my friend got the emotional support and help he needed at the time when he needed it and whilst I'll always be happy to say Hi to him and keep in touch if he so choses he's very aware that that will be the total sum of my involvement in this matter from here on and he is both fully aware and totally understanding of that fact, but thank you for your advice and consideration in issuing a note of caution and when given in a genuine manner such as your own it's always appreciated and never resented.

[BonTong]

Sorry to read such a sad story. You have my sympathy.


He may be able to take legal action. I am sure I have read news accounts where men and women have been convicted of knowingly infecting others.

His emails may offer him a slam-dunk case.

The OP says: "he can't afford to go to a solicitors about it and also the idea of that how can he a simple Thai guy from an Isan village do anything to a big wealthy farang". Maybe there is another way: report the guy directly to the U.S. embassy. It might sound like a long shot but you may be surprised at the result.

I know here in Chiang Mai, the U.S. consulate has people working there who take an active interest in the sexual mis-demeanors of their citizens in Thailand. I'm sure Bangkok must do the same. You could help him start with an email setting out the story and evidence, backed up with an offer to meet with them directly if they want more evidence or a statement. That approach may help allay the boys fears about more people finding out and maintain anonymity. A veiled threat that you'd prefer to have US officials sort out the issue without going to the press may help, though don't overplay that one.

At the very least it would get the perpetrator put on the watch list with lots of extra attention from immigration, customs and homeland security types whilst travelling. :idea1:

I would like to say that Bon Tong has a valid idea but coming from the USA it sounds like it would be all uphill and very little hope of accomplishing anything. Remember that USA is not Thailand. A person in USA is innocent until proven guilty unlike Thailand where a person is guilty until proven innocent.
The boy would have to prove when, where and definitely by whom he was infected by. after accomplishing all of that he would have to prove that the man had knowledge that he was HIV and showed careless disregard for another persons life.
Then he might really have a case.

[Jellybean]

I saw your posts under other topics and was wondering if I had missed your report on your visit to your boyfriendтАЩs village up north. When I saw your topic yesterday I logged on looking forward to reading all about your trip, the preparation of which, had been described on another topic about the problems of getting a visa for your boyfriend to enter the UK. But it was not the report I had expected. It turned out to be a very sad and harrowing tale.

NIrish Guy I was very sorry to hear about your boyfriendтАЩs shocking experience at the hands of what, as others have suggested, could, arguably, be the criminal (and definitely reckless) behaviour of the American guy. I was also sorry to read about your own personal nightmare whilst you waited on your test results. I am sure you did the right thing in posting the story, as you say, thereтАЩs no harm in reminding the rest of us from time to time of the dangers of unprotected sex.

But I also took two positive messages from your post. Firstly, you received a negative result and secondly, I believe your boyfriend was lucky to have someone such as you around to take control of matters, allay his fear that he had received a death sentence and that there was nothing he could do. And, for taking the time, and doing the right thing by putting him in touch with a doctor who was able to get him on to the state medical and support scheme which, as you said, тАЬwill provide free treatment and support for him for the rest of his life.тАЭ

Well done, you have my profound admiration.

Ahw thank you Jellybean for posting such a nice message, yours was the very first message / email that I read on opening my eyes today and it has started my day off with a smile which is always good :-) and it's nice to see that both from yours and several other peoples messages both PM and on the board that as well as the trolls and the odd asshole there are a large group of nice guys on here as well !

I'm glad to say that my friend is improving every day ( almost scarily so!) and it's just amazing how quickly he's now both resigned himself to the facts but also decided that "ok, what's done is done and I may get on with life now again" which is great, I think all the "you're going to live just as long as everyone else now" has really sunk in and I'm also glad to see and hear that he's also read up on and has also learnt and taken to heart all the other stuff he needs to be aware of such as taking personal responsibility for himself and to others re his blood if he cuts himself in a bike accident or some stuff thing etc which is good as it shows that he has read the stuff I've sent him, so that's all good news too and makes me much more happy and confident about both his short and long term future.

I should just point out " for the record" that all of my sex was "safe" and with condoms etc, however ( and I'm just being honest here as there's no point beating about the bush) over the time there was a lot of other stuff (oral / cum etc stuff etc ) that perhaps that went on which whilst not 100% high risk most certainly would not have been NO risk hence my concern and on my finding out his viral load count from the doctor later in the week ( i.e. the amount of HIV in his system at that time) - which, was as with all newly infected people was VERY high thus meaning that he was very "infectious", I think I can safely say that without those condoms my own test result would have had a VERY different outcome !

So I have to admit the whole experience will perhaps just make me just do a bit of a double think about some of my own casual activities in the future perhaps and willl result in me not being just as blase as I once was perhaps ( whilst still having always been "safe" of course), so yes as you say sometimes a close call and a wake up call isn't a bad thing and if both I or someone has read this and so avoid repeating this type of close call experience in the future then I'll be very happy.

Thanks again for the nice post.

[Hmmm]

Yes, Diec is long-time troll. Sorry you fell for him NIrish Guy. You have more important things to worry about. His favourite strategy is to post vaguely plausible but deeply offensive replies to those in difficult situations. If you read him again assuming nothing he says is serious the strategy is laid bare. It's clever only in the sense that he's been getting away with it for years and successive moderators have failed to notice the hurt he has caused. He's psychologically disturbed. Ignore him.

To more important matters - Thai gay boys are unfortunately largely and strangely ignorant of the "reality' of HIV, in that it is not the death sentence it used to be. But it obviously can be if not managed properly. Once they learn that it can be managed and they follow medical advice to the letter their outlook changes. The stigma remains very strong in Thai society though, so he will want to control who knows. But that is manageable too.

Re the bastard who appears to have deliberately done this to him, I would suggest that your friend be encouraged to forget about him. The prospects of anything good coming to him that way sound very remote. If I were you on the other hand, I am not sure what I would do. It shouldn't be impossible to track to him down (most people are careless with their internet identities). Use your imagination as to what you could do wiith that information.

Hi hmmm, don't worry I didn't "fall" for that dick sorry diecs poor attempts at trolling, I was fully aware of his intent but thought it important to correct his offensive comments on behalf of my friend for anyone else reading his bullshit at a later date just " for the record" - all I can say is he's one sad individual indeed, more to be pitied than anything else.

And re your comments re being creative - well I'm a great believer in karma and what goes around comes around etc and I've no doubt a twat like that will get his just rewards somehow someday ! - with any luck anyway !

hi ni .. i think your what goes round comes round has already happened with this guy .. in the fact that he has already gotten h.i.v ... i guess we should all feel a bit sorry for anyone ho gets it as it could have been any of us over the years .. but as i said before he has infected your friend and who knows how many others and would have no worries about doing so again .. if i was you id forget about karma and get even .. and by that i dont mean harming the guy .. he probably wouldnt be to bothered if he was given a good hiding .. but by getting him locked up ... out of harms way ...
im sure you could do this without your friend finding out all that you need to do .. good luck ..