Advice on visiting a "BF's" family ?

Hey guys,

So after my previously asking for advice on the board about the chances of my getting a holiday visa for a thai "friend" to enable him to visit me here in the UK and being told (quite correctly) that I'd most likely have "no chance" I bit the bullet and have just booked myself a 3 week trip to LOS over Christmas instead :-) so, while I'm there I'll be meeting up with the guy I intended bring over and who I chat with most days online, who I guess in his head at least would refer to me as his BF ( even thought I've told him and reminded several times, in the nicest possible way of course, that he should consider me nothing more than a butterfly etc and should not to read too much into our spending time together when I visit as it won't and can't lead on to anything more than fun etc) - I should add that this isn't me intentionally being a Bas***d to him but me simply trying to protect his feelings and emotions as I know that no matter what he ( and even I) may "like" to happen between us both I'm a realist and know that most likely nothing can or will happen in the future (other than our enjoying each others company whilst I'm there etc ) and so we should and must just keep things "light" between us etc, so, my question to you all is that during the dates when I'll be there over Christmas he has told me that he is and was intending to travel back home to his village in Issan to see and stay with his mother and family for a few days etc and has asked me would I (like to) join him ?

So, my dillemma now is that a) whilst I wouldn't mind actually accompanying him for a change of scenery from the usual Bkk haunts to enable me to see his village and experience some of the real Thailand etc, I just want to be very sure that I'm not creating a huge social faus Paux in giving him and or his family the wrong perception about our "relationship" as I SO don't want to offend him or to inadvertently create the possibility of him losing face if and when he has to tell them that I'm not about again at some point in the future ( and I do fully also realise that perhaps I'm deluding myself here in thinking that I'm the first farang "BF" he's brought home ! :-) although I do think that is the case from talking with him about that previously) - so, my question is should I just go with him and "go with the flow" so to speak and enjoy the experience or should I not as that (albeit unintentionally) may give him false hope about my intentions ? - or perhaps am I'm just reading too much into the whole situation and should just stay in Bkk and ignore the whole thing and just enjoy myself as normal whilst he's gone ( although I've a funny feeling if I don't go he won't either as he wants to stay whereever I am, which also makes me feel slightly guilty about him not seeing his mother etc ?- either way your advice would be appreciated - and apologies about the length of the post !

[cdnmatt]

I live in Issan, and personally, I'd just make up some excuse to get out of the deal. What the hell are you going to do in a village for 3 or 4 days? Sit around all hot, sweaty, and hungry while watching everyone eat shit you wouldn't touch, talk to the chickens, watch the rice grow, and beat off the village drunks who try to become your best friend with hopes you'll buy them beer. Oh, and don't forget, you have white skin which means you shit bricks of cash, and hence can pay for everything.

Stay in BKK, and enjoy your vacation. To hell with the village.

I don't even bother going to the villages anymore. What's the point? Sit around in the mud, watch everyone eat ants, and listen to retarded ideas about how they need investment money, while everyone else comes over to have a peek at the white guy. Fuck that, I'll stay home with the dogs and have a beer.

personally i think you will make up your own mind despite what anyone on here tells you .. id say go you like him .. he likes you .. and theres no reason as to why, even as you expect things wont go much futher than the pair of you just having fun, you cant stay friends after you get tired of having sex with the same person .. nothing wrong with seeing parts of the country you may never see otherwise ...
ignor matt .. i think he is worried all his drunken village mates might turn there attention on you :dontknow:

ha ha yes Matt that all did cross mind as well :-) and whilst I'm not adverse to buying the village drunks beer for a few days ( as I'm partial to a beer or two myself :-) that whole thought of being hot and sticky for three days and eaten alive by insects and sleeping on the floor perhaps etc with no one else other than my "BF" being able to speak to me as I can't speak Thai did sound good for a second with my rose tinted romantic view of Thailand on but I do fear as you suggest that the reality may be a whole different thing and I may be bored of it all after about three hours and busting to get back to Bkk and the debauchery that lies there within ! lol

Ha ha and there I thought that you out of everyone on the board here would have been saying " go, try it, hey you never know you could fall in love there and move here and live happily ever after" ha ha - just shows you, you never can tell what someone else will think ! ha ha but thanks for the input :-)

well theres another reason to go now .. you can drink beer with matt and get to know his dog !!!
life flows better with chang ..
do they eat the ants raw in the villages ?? lord know why i bothered to ask that .. id not eat an ant wether it was raw cooked or in a maccy d's burger ( pulled a few out tho ) .. i now agree with matt ... stay in bkk ... hmmm i dont like that place much either .. go ..

[martin911]

Hey my advice to a fellow countryman is go go go ---- its a great experience !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have only gone to one family /one bf s home so i am not sure as to going as a "friend " etc --others here may be able to enlighten u more

But i really liked my first trip to his home --(and subsequent trips !! )
True what Matt says they will come to look at the white man a bit --- but u also will get something from the experience that is so not what u get in the go go bars !!!!!!( but matts living there now so mabye he is a bit jaded on issan now ,understandably )

The local men will ply u with the local made muck -get a little bit drunk with them , have a few sweets in your pockets for the kids -- u will make life long friends !!

its not all about sweaty hot houses --get a car and stay in the nearest hotel for comfort --its easy drive in the north

Go go go -- its a great experience

[Hmmm]

cdmatt's perspective is slightly bleak, but probably only slightly.

I have visited the bf's village on numerous occasions but have never stayed overnight (nor does he when he's with me). There are basic hotels not too far away. The first trip was the most basic, and they have now evolved to the point reached during Songkran earlier this year:
1. Flew to Khon Kaen.
2. Checked into Sofitel (now Pullman), possibly the cheapest 4/5 star hotel in the world.
3. Hired a Camray. BF has license, so he drove. Massive face gained (his car is a Vios).
4. Visited village for a day to see the family.
5. Toured the surrounding area on the other days, including the incongruous locale "Pattaya 2" (yes, that's its name, and no ... don't bother asking).
6. Flew back to Bangkok.

I have always been guided by the bf on what to bring along. In fact he takes control of that. Usually that's lots of fresh fruit, fish etc. I usually eat much the same as everyone else. His old man 'likes' a drink, so the bf NEVER takes or buys alcohol. After showing me off to the locals on one trip, there's been no need to commune with the locals since then.

BTW, your bf may find it difficult to look after you while spending time with his family. Take a book.

Don't expect your bf to know much about local sights of interest - he's probably never seen them himself.

Overall, an experience not to be missed - at least once - as long as you're not too precious ,and look at it as an adventure.

YMMV. No two situations are the same.

Thanks guys, some good advice there and yes I was actually debating could I do exactly what you'd said I'd fly up, rent a car, stay in a hotel etc etc which I know sort of defeats the purpose somewhat but it's somewhere in the middle and will let him see his family ( and allow him to show off his farang "BF" to get some face which I've no doubt is the REAL reason he's wanting me along - ha ha I just have to be careful to remember not to bring anyone else back to the hotel while he's away visiting or I may end up getting lynched either by him or his family !!! lol

Oh one thing guys, as he says his village is about 12-14 hours away from BKK by bus I'm guessing that that's then maybe about 10 hours by car ? so, if I do rent a car out of BKK and drive up (and maybe even make a bit of a trip out of it stopping in other places on the way for a day or two as I know a hotel owner from N.ireland who owns a nice hotel in Khon Kaen etc ) can I / should I drive in Thailand on a standard Uk driving licence ok as I know my friend can't drive at all or am I risking life and limb :-)

[kittyboy]

About 15 years ago while I was visiting thailand my thai friend's grandmother died.
I rented a car and drove about 300KM with him and some of his friends up to his village to attend the funeral. It was fun for about 6 hours then being constantly stared at and being the obvious butt of many jokes got a bit old.

Ended up staying in a hotel about 15 KM from the village and my friend and I would drive every day to his home. I would stick around for a couple of hours then I would take one of his friends or one of the many nieces or nephews out for a drive. It was a pleasant way to kill a few days but deadly boring.

Getting a hotel room and renting a car or hiring a driver for a few days may be a good solution to the isolation and boredom issues.

[cdnmatt]

Yeah, I was probably a little bleak, as I've have a shitty day, and am in a bad mood. Honestly, it's definitely worth doing. Like you said yourself though, within a few hours you'll be bored and looking for an exit. That, and it also depends on the village you end up in, as some are more affluent than others. If you end up in a decent village that has decent cash floating around, then you're fine & comfortable. People will still turn their head, many will chat you up, but on the whole nobody is going to care you're there, which is what you want.

End up in a poor village though, then you have moms and aunts dragging the kids over to look at the white guy, etc. Everyone's poor as hell, piss drunk off lao khao by 10am, the monks will show up for a few shots and some cigarettes, and it's just simply not fun. You become a spectacle, the poor rice farmers will make fun of you even though you don't have a clue what they're saying, because they have this pre-conception that all white people are weak, babied with maids and butlers from birth, and don't know what a hard day's work is. That's the shitty village, but again, if you end up in a good village, then it can be quite good.

For example, I'm perfectly comfortable in Kim's mom's (previous) village, as it was a nice one, and I enjoyed myself there. It was a nice break from work for me, and I always left feeling good, and glad I went. His dad's village though? I don't even bother going anymore. It's probably been 4 or 5 months since I was last there, and I have no desire to go again.

Honestly, I would suggest doing it, but rent a car or something first off, so you can leave if and when you want on your own terms. Also, look around for the closest small city around the village, and rent a hotel room. There must be one within 50kms of whatever village you're going to. That way, you can spend your days in the village enjoying the experience, but if and when it gets nauseating, you can hop in your rental car, head to your hotel, relax, walk around the street markets of whatever city your in, and take in the experience that way as well.

thanks Matt, now that MUCH more like the reply I was expecting from you the first time ! ha ha, glad to see you're day must be getting better :-) and yes I think your suggestion is the very thing as it covers all the bases of allowing my "bf" to see his people ( and look cool with his rich ( or so he thinks no matter HOW many times I tell him otherwise lol ) farang with him, but also allows me to escape from the boredom and stares and also perhaps in TOTAL if as seems to happen quite a lot in Thailand with guys sometimes that things go pear shape quickly and totally !:-) And you're also right about being the butt of jokes thing wearing thin quickly as whilst I don't speak Thai I do of course understand the term "Pom Puey" and could happily choke Thai people who come up to me and poke me hard in my (admitedly quite large - to them anyway) beer belly whilst shouting Pom Puey at me and anyone else within a 100 yard radius who will listen :-) whilst all the time I of course am meant to stand there and smile gormlessly at them, whereas wobetide me should I actually turn round and say ANYTHING about them as that may make them loss face making me in turn a bad man of course :-( - so yes I think a car and a hotel to aid my escape could be a very good idea indeed !! lol thanks.

[Jellybean]

If you have not already considered it I would also suggest you obtain an International Driving Permit, (obviously the one applicable for driving in Thailand) which you can buy from a Crown Post Office for about ┬г5.50.

[Captain Swing]

The line posted above that no two situations are the same certainly applies, but having visited BF's village several times I would definitely join those saying "Yes. Go." Don't worry that your friend might lose face if your relationship peters out; nobody will interpret your visit as a sign of a serious long-term commitment. You might get bored after a while. but that's up to you; I found it interesting and also pleasantly relaxing. To be honest, sitting under an umbrella at Jomtien all day is pretty damn boring too. You might well find yourself an object of curiosity from the locals, but so what? There's no malice involved. They're probably bored too and you'll provide a welcome diversion. I recall one old Aunty coming up and rubbing my arm, intrigued by my white skin. Why should I find that offensive? When we left she told me (as translated by BF), "Take care of yourself so you can come see us again." I thought that was rather sweet.

Yes, you'll probably be expected to pay for everything. You probably have far more money than anyone else there. If that bothers you and you're going to resent every baht spent, then don't go. It won't really total all that much; you might wind up spending less than you would if you stayed in Bangkok. Be generous. Your friend WILL lose face if you penny-pinch. They won't expect you to eat the more exotic local delicacies, so long as you're prepared to pay for food you're more comfortable with. BF offered me some of the fried grubs he was eating like popcorn, but didn't really expect me to accept; he happily ate the whole bowl himself.

Yes it was hot, but no hotter or stickier than Bangkok. No AC, but they had fans. Mosquito nets too. Can you deal with the lack of western bathroom facilities? That could be an issue. For me, the major drawback was the language barrier. I could really only talk to BF and one cousin who spoke English. For a few days that was OK, but would be probably unbearable on a longer visit. Overall, I was very glad I went and look forward to going back someday.

P.S. to Hmmm: I've been to Pattaya 2 too! I think there's also a Jomtien 2, or maybe it's Phuket 2. How about the dinosaur museum?

thanks guys, all sage advice I'm sure and accordingly after reading all your posts and taking them on board I now have one VERY happy "bf" as I've decided that yes I will go and am going to probably either hire a car in Bkk for 3 or 4 days and drive up to his village ( which is Na Kea District close to Nakhon Phanom for those that know the area ) or fly up and rent a car in the locality, with us staying in a hotel ( I have suggested he stay with his mother for a night but he's not so bothered and I think would much rather be in the hotel with me - damn, so much for my night of secret fun with a local issan guy - or maybe THAT's the reason he's staying in the first place as he knows my MO only too well lol) And thanks for the tip re the driving licence, all that's now in hand as well. Cheers guys.

dont seem much point in you going now .. if the reason you wanted to go was for a secret night of sex with an issan boy .. what i dont get is that at first you wanted him to go with you to ireland .. so i guess he means something to you .. so why is it that just because you are in thailand you feel the need to slag around .. dont get me wrong i love slagging around too .. but i dont have a boyfriend so i can ... :party

[Brisboy82]

I don't know why you had any difficulty
Bringing your bf to the uk. I have brought my bf to Australia for a 2 month visit before and that was when I was broke, in debt, no place to stay and he had no job or education to go back home to. All I had to do is wrote a letter saying I would be responsible for him. It was very easy and Australia has one of the strictest immigration departments in the world.

you swerved a bit off topic . the thing about him wanting to take his boyfriend to ireland was a different thread ... we have no trouble letting anyone into the u.k. if they have no reason ... no money and no hope .. if they are wanted here to join a boyfriend or a girlfriend for a holiday thats where the problems start ... unless they are the lover of an m.p. or someother scumbag ..

A "secret night of sex " as you put it :-) was never my reason for going as a) if I wanted that I would simply have it and it wouldn't be a secret ( with said friends full permission I should add) with the agreement that we both can as long as we donтАЩt rub each otherтАЩs noses in it so to speak as we're both realists) and yes I guess he does mean "something" as IтАЩm not a total cold hearted git BUT as I've said in other posts this is NOT me claiming undying true love or anything like it as whether I like it or not I not in the position to be moving to Thailand anywhere close to the near future and nor will he be able to get a visa to move here and there's not much either of us can do about that, so, in the meantime, we'll simply meet up, have fun together ( and I don't just mean sex there by the way) and he'll get a chance to see his family ( which he only does maybe once or twice a year) he and his family will get some money out me ( which as long as IтАЩve know him i.e over a year now heтАЩs NEVER asked for I should add) and I'll get a chance to see and experience some more of Thailand and hopefully at the end of the day everyone's happy and no one gets hurt - so unless I'm mistaken I think there is very much still a point in me going.

And to answer your last question as honestly as I can as to why just because I'm in Thailand do I feel the need to "slag around" as you put it well the two simple answers to that are that A) it's exactly because I AM in Thailand that I feel I can and hence do and also whether I'm in Thailand or any other country for that matter my behaviour would be exactly the same anyway as like yourself I do not have a boyfriend ( in the true sense of the word as opposed to the Thai / farang understanding of the word) and I never lie or deceive anyone about what my intentions are or how I feel about them, so as far as I'm concerned I am hurting no one and doing nothing wrong and I guess that if other people don't like that or think that it's low of me in some way then whilst they're entitled to their opinion I don't really care ( in the nicest possible way of course) - but as I see you also flagged yourself up as someone who liked to slag around as you put it I'll assume that you weren't passing judgement in the first place so no offence taken.

"I don't know why you had any difficulty bringing your bf to the uk"

Well after reading a lot of the comments on here about visa applications when I'd asked the question earlier and also after reading up on the UK governments visa pages, which on my reading them where SO obviously proscriptive, with so many rules set up to blatantly affect Thai's such as them having to apply in person for the visa, plus them having to have quite large amounts of money in the bank (for a Thai) and for that money not to have been deposited just before the application took place ( i.e from the farang) and also them preferably having to own property in Thailand and also have a good job with several monthly salary slips to back that up etc etc, I didn't even bother to suggest that he apply for a visa as it was so apparent that in the job he is in ( and no he's not a bar boy but works in a fashion shop in a mall by the way - well as far as I know off as dear knows what he REALLY does the rest of time that I'm not aware of of course no matter what he tells me :-) that he would have next to no chance of being successful, hence my going to Thailand instead, however should my trip turn out the way he no doubt might hope in that maybe something more develops when I'm there then who knows and if things change at some point in the future where an application may have more chance of going through then we'll see and I'll take things from there I guess!

i wasnt passing judgement atall ... just making small talk .. i spose i dont really see much point in the thai/farang relationships ... a few work most dont .. at least you are honest about what and why you are going there ...
i hope you have a good time .. i would love to be on the other side and get inside a thai head to find out what they think about us farang .. and as to why they would want to take us home with them.. im sure money plays a part in it .. but is a fat farang (not saying you are ) a way to get face in the village ??

p.s. it was how you put it .. not me :)
I have suggested he stay with his mother for a night but he's not so bothered and I think would much rather be in the hotel with me - damn, so much for my night of secret fun with a local issan guy - or maybe THAT's the reason he's staying in the first place as he knows my MO only too well lol)

@ Britthai - Don't worry I totally got that you weren't passing judgement and that no offence was intended nor indeed was any taken !

And re being inside a Thia's head, yes I've thought the same many times and after giving it much thought came to the conclusion that it's better that I don't know as I probably wouldn't like the answer :-) I guess you could say the same throughout the whole of Thailand ( and a lot of other Asian countries too) and all I know is whilst I can't explain it I'm damned happy that it is the way it is and long may it continue !! lol and re the fat farang and you not saying I am etc well as I've already held my hands up to that one there's nothing more I say there to redeem myself ! ha ha.

And re the hotel night thing, that was actually more of a jokey throw away comment as even I would be hard pressed to go to his village, dump him off at his mothers, pick up another guy from his village ( who he may well know) be with him and then collect number one guy again and expect to get away with it scott free :-)......mind you lifes all about challenges eh so how knows ! ha ha :-) I AM joking there I should add, I'm not THAT bad really !! .....well not USUALLY anyway ! lol

good good .. most of my lines are throw away .. some get upset with them glad some dont :)
have a good time there and if you find a sexy drunk village idiot send him my way . sounds like the only chance i got :alc:

"and if you find a sexy drunk village idiot send him my way"

But the trouble is that once I arrive there's a fair chance that that will in fact be ME !!! lol ( well not so sure about the sexy bit there he he)

time for bed *boing*
nightmare time for sure .. what a thought to tuck up with ., cheers n.i.

[martin911]

i wasnt passing judgement atall ... just making small talk .. i spose i dont really see much point in the thai/farang relationships ... a few work most dont .. at least you are honest about what and why you are going there ...
i hope you have a good time .. i would love to be on the other side and get inside a thai head to find out what they think about us farang .. and as to why they would want to take us home with them.. im sure money plays a part in it .. but is a fat farang (not saying you are ) a way to get face in the village ??

p.s. it was how you put it .. not me :)
I have suggested he stay with his mother for a night but he's not so bothered and I think would much rather be in the hotel with me - damn, so much for my night of secret fun with a local issan guy - or maybe THAT's the reason he's staying in the first place as he knows my MO only too well lol)

I too have often wondered about that also re what they think about us --- i have brought it up with my bf a couple of times over the last 2.5 odd years we are an item ---
Mostly the awnsers were as you would expect --it is a lot about we "take care" of them and it provides them with a sort of safety blanket for their future-- but that is pretty much an asian thing anway i think --that the older /wealther take care of the younger/poorer

Some answers were downright hilarous --ie bf mama was told once that i was sick in bed with a flu type ailnment --and she was really curious as to whether ffarang sneezed the same as thai !!!--so a hell of a lot goes on in their heads for sure

As regards to them wanting to take us home with them (face etc )all i can go on was what it was like w my own guy --- he was so fucking happy--he was so damm proud (of me) to introduce me to family /friends(and it was the same time that he decided to come out to most of his friends!!!!! ) and he even tracked down one of his high school teachers so she could meet me ----

One visit was around the time of his birthday --and what he wanted as a present was for him and me to throw a little party at the small school near his home (pre high school )-- i will never forget that day ---going aroung the nearest big C filling trolleys with stuff for the 60 odd kids there -- a lot of was simple stuff --pens/writing pads /colouring crayons -- but its stuff that some of the poorer kids might not als have going in (like himself at times he told me ,,he is from a very humble house)--stuff we westerners take for granted !
Then out to the school ---we got the stuff ready for their lunch break ---
60 odd very cute shy kids all lined up for their meals,chattering away ,sneaking looks at the farang ,shy little smiles etc
His former teachers then said something about my bf -- he was both beaming smiling and crying at the same time --very emotional for him --and the fact he was able to say he was into his second year in a Bkk uni -- , --we mention Face -!!!!-this was above and beyond anything else i had ever done for him --- and i was so glad i could make him feel like this --- he was on cloud 9
We then sat amongst the kids giving out the little goodies , their shyness slowly going ,then i was pulled and dragged alover the place --
experiences like that are just priceless

Go back with your guy is all i can say --- well worth it --its something so far removed from the tackiness of bkk/pattaya - its real Thailand !!!!!

[Smiles]

Go. What would be the worst thing to happen?

You won't get robbed ... but may end up paying for a few meals, a few drinks etc etc. Big deal.[/*:m:2awxzeb4]
Book a nice comfy hotel in the nearest large town and go back and forth to the family village (with him ... he'll be happy for the hotel!). Don't bed down in the village. Go out to the village by song taeow or motorbike or rental car.[/*:m:2awxzeb4]
Keep him close and insist he translates at least some of the conversation and helps you stay somewhat involved. (he speaks english? A bit? A lot?)[/*:m:2awxzeb4]
Make it plain in advance how much you'll spend on The Family. A good feast should cost you no more than 2000 baht ... add another 1000 for booze. That's about 100 dollars US and will satisfy lots of people. You can get by with less if you want, but lay out the expense to your boyfriend and don't go over it.[/*:m:2awxzeb4]
Give some money to the mother and father ... but no one else. 1000 or 1500 is generous.[/*:m:2awxzeb4]
Relax and don't worry about 'face' or stuff like that. You can't make him lose face (except possibly for the last item below) ... only other Thais can do that.[/*:m:2awxzeb4]
Smile a lot. Get drunk. Be disoriented. Wash your hands a lot. Go to the toilet beforehand, in the hotel.[/*:m:2awxzeb4]
Don't go around 'wai-ing' everyone in sight. A 'wai' to the mother and father is OK, but not expected. But don't expect everyone to shake your hand either. That doesn't come natural in the boonies.[/*:m:2awxzeb4]
Don't pat cute little Thai boys or girls on the head. And don't 'wai' them either. But you can play soccer with them.[/*:m:2awxzeb4]
And please for god sake don't start kissing or hand-holding with your boyfriend in front of everyone. Too much information ... as they say: "get a loom!". (I know you wouldn't do anything like that, but just thought I'd underline it.)[/*:m:2awxzeb4]

[psd1315]

Bring something to sit on, and make a donation to the Monk

Well, it's all sorted and we are definitely going and BF is DELIGHTED, so I'm well up on the "brownie points" already and thats before I even get there, hell he'll maybe even stick to just having the one farang behind my back this weekend lol !! :-) ( I jest )

And Martin yeah I know what you mean about sometimes the simplest things giving you the most pleasure as I recall in a village in Cambodia being taken to a school and the guy with me suggested ( i.e more ordered !) me to go into the shop before we went into to school so we could bring some books and crayons etc, so 2000 baht worth of stuff later (which was HUGELY expensive for what we got) we walked in and handed the bags to the teacher and the kids all smiled widely, I them read a bit to them (in english) and they done the whole pulling and tugging and thing too and it was great - and what I loved and laughed at the most was I noticed that when they thought I wasn't looking the bag of goodies that I'd bought went right out the back door again and round into the shop next door to us again !! all no doubt for re-sale again ( and again and agian) to the next farang who was on the next tour boat behind us, with the profits no doubt being shared between the school and the shop, which I thought that was a GREAT idea !! lol

And smiles thanks for the detailed info, of course as you said a lot of the normal stuff stuff like patting of the kids and the hand holding etc in front of family I wouldn't dream of doing anyway - even in BKK ! as I think there looks nothing more ridiculous of a 40,50 60 year farang fawning over some hot young hot guy when the rest of the world is clearly thinking WHAT ARE YOU DOING you deluded fool ! - as even if they don't actually "say it" in Thailand, we do all know that they are probably THINKING it ! but thankfully as I'm 42 and he's 29 it's not all too note worthy anyway and thanks for the specifics re the costs for the party etc, whilst I generally don't particularly care about such things and would certianly never be a cheap charlie in that regard I had thought "hmmmm I can just see this running away with itself and my being taken for a mug if I'm not careful" not that he would allow that I'm sure, but it was a relief to see that no matter what your projections were for the party etc that they all ended in the single figure thousands bracket lol.

I have to say I'm actually quite looking forward to my wee jaunt now as I'll be glad to get out of BKK for a bit - and actually spending some nice quality time with boy wonder rather than just sitting in bars or hotels or shopping malls ( thankfully he's not a shopper so I can rest easy on that one as the last time we went shopping it nearly ended up in blood being spilt as he took HOURS chosing one pair of (cheap) shoes that I'd told him to buy in a hurry for somewhere we were going that night as he wanted to ensure that he / we got the best value and the cheapest price and ones that would last and that he could wear with other outfits etc etc, with me standing behind him quietly thinking "just buy the fecking shoes would you !!!! lol so, all in all I'm looking forward to it now.......and re the bring something to sit on advice.......well I was going to say that I am.....him !! lol but I'll not be so blue at this hour in the morning perhaps !! lol :-) ha ha

[cdnmatt]

I too have often wondered about that also re what they think about us

In general, they think we're weak, but rich. They think we've been showered with unlimited wealth because we have white skin, and we never actually worked for any of it. Trying to convince them of concepts that millions of people in the West are in poverty, just like them, is an impossible task. Well, unless they actually spend time to get to know you, then their perception changes.


Mostly the awnsers were as you would expect --it is a lot about we "take care" of them and it provides them with a sort of safety blanket for their future-- but that is pretty much an asian thing anway i think --that the older /wealther take care of the younger/poorer

You know what I would like? A thank you. Not a bag of dead beetles, like I've been given in the past, but a thank you. Not once have I received it though. Taken care of Kim for 3 years, helped the family out financially loads of times, opened my house up to them, and everyone except papa has stayed here for several weeks if not months, and I was always very adamant in saying they can stay forever if they'd like. It's family, so no questions asked, and you simply take care. No charge, went out of my way and picked up a bunch of extra towels, blankets, dishes, soap, and everything else to ensure everyone was comfortable, etc. Bought the kids loads of clothes, school supplies, helped out with field trips, etc.

But nope, not once did I get a thank you. Just problems, which of course, always require my hard earned money to solve. Now I'm an old bitter cunt of 30 years old, so I don't hear about the problems anymore, because everyone already knows how I'll react.

matt, it's been really intersting reading your posts over the months and watching you going from all bubbly and "nothings too much trouble for them" to the 30 year - I wont use the word that you used but you know what I mean lol - I think probably like everything in life it's all about balance and when you first set up there you were trying hard to do the right thing and be accepted ( only to find it made little odds perhaps in the long run as the end result was always the same) and now you've perhaps got a slightly more realistic view of things and treat your BF's family accordingly ( and probably more the right way now I'm guessing?) so, even if it's taken a while it sounds like you've got the balance just about right now or are certainly heading that direction which is good to see and I always look forward to reading your posts and seeing how things are developing for you there, keep in up, it's great reading -and I mean that in a NICE way of course ! :-)

[Brad the Impala]

Lots of good advice on this subject, well summed up by Smiles. Perhaps a thread worthy of retaining somewhere, pending the next time this question is asked.

For those looking to "get inside a Thai's head", it always sounds like you think Thais come from outer space! They are human, and you have a great deal more in common with them than you realise. Assuming some age difference in the relationship, what were you thinking of, and hoping for at, that age? Think about their background, and you'll know more after going to their home, their education, their life experiences, their prospects. If you learn about them as people individually, first and foremost, I think that you'll find that the biggest block to getting inside their head will only be your own attitudes, and the limitations of your own personality, which applies to us all.

Their is no magic key to a Thai's head, anymore than there is a magic key for straight men to a woman's head.

Matt, regarding receiving thanks, you will of course receive your reward in the next life, but as you want acknowledgment in this one, have you tried telling them that that is what you are expecting? We all have things to learn, and perhaps they have never realised the offence they are giving. While it goes against the grain to ask to be thanked, and initially at least you may think that the thanks are less genuine because you have had to request them, I bet that receiving some thanks on a regular basis will be a lot more satisfying than letting the sore of perceived ingratitude continue to fester!

[martin911]

Matt i guess the fact that you are living so close to Kims family mean s that you have to deal with all that rubbish !!!

I for one could not tolerate that type of leeching --
In the 2.5 years with himself i only got asked once to help--his sister delivered her baby early (she was with child,had seen it for myself!!)
I was travelling(out of Thailand) at the time and he reached me the morning due for discharge--so 20k went up to them (as a loan,not gift !!) and ofcourse it still is not repaid ---my Bf is very embarressed by it all --and it led to us not going back for Loy Ktrathrong this year !!

But TG its the only tme i was asked ----from the start i told himself i wasnt to be asked to "help" in anyway --

so 20k i guess is alright to be down considering !!

And i know what u mean by the no thank you Matt --i Country Thais have abs no manners --a few guys have stayed in my house over the last year and its was a constant job to keep them in check re keeping the place in order --then this toot boy from bfs city arrived (for a few days til he got himself a job etc --7 months on he is still here LOL)-- but an abs treasure --constantly cleaning,tiding up ---whizing around the place some mornings wrapped in a towel !!

[cdnmatt]

Country Thais have abs no manners --a few guys have stayed in my house over the last year and its was a constant job to keep them in check re keeping the place in order

Exactly. For example:


Took about 6 weeks of bitching for them to keep the outside gate closed so the dogs don't get run over. Everyone finally began closing the gate, but the dog was left outside. So after more bitching, everyone now knows to close the gate, and make sure the dogs are inside at the same time. Hallelujah![/*:m:2o0vok9b]
Dust pan gets lost / broken, so their big solution is to just sweep everything into the corners. For fuck sakes, there's a huge outlet store 500m from here. Go grab a dustpan for 10 baht, you lazy cunts. Don't wait for me to do it. And they will wait, because they know I'll eventually get pissed off enough, and just go do it.[/*:m:2o0vok9b]
When Kim's little sister and her husband come stay here, please don't leave used condoms laying around for the dogs to find. You're a guest in my house, so clean up after yourself.[/*:m:2o0vok9b]
When one of the pups manages to sneak inside and takes a shit, don't just throw a chunk of cardboard over it. Get the mop out, and clean it.[/*:m:2o0vok9b]
If the pups are crying because they're hungry, don't just sit there and watch TV. Get off your ass, walk that whole 10 feet, and dump some food into their dish. I bought loads of canned Pedigree food, so it's nice and easy for you. Pop the top off, and pour the food into a bowl. I don't appreciate having to wake up, put my clothes on, and go downstairs to give them food, especially when there's 8 other people already downstairs watching TV / playing the computer / playing cards, whatever.[/*:m:2o0vok9b]
Please know, when you crack an egg, it's just as easy to throw it into the garbage bin versus the counter top.[/*:m:2o0vok9b]

And the list just goes on, and on, and on. And it's not even a daily thing, but almost hourly thing that you go through. Then you have the family members coming up with problems, but no worries, because they always have a big plan and solution too! Say 5000 baht and two weeks later, they've changed their mind, and decided on a new idea (and have a new problem, of course). In my mind, pissing away my hard earned money like that is just down right disrespectful. It's not the $ figure, as it's always fairly small so I could care less, but just the principle of the matter.

You know, Issan is one of those things that definitely worth experiencing, but you don'twant to live here. I can understand the older retired guys who live here and love it, because it is comfortable, nice, easy, good weather, nice people, etc. But I'm 30, not 65. After a while, this entire lifestyle just wears a guy down. That's why I think we'll just move down south shortly, and get a new environment for myself and Kim. Plus get a big yard, as we have 3 dogs now.

Wow, you've the patience of a saint Matt, that would burst my temper within days not months, I know you and others had always mentioned things were like that but I didn't realise just how bad it could be as I'd always assumed it was just more just about things being left untidy i.e. and them not picking up after themselves etc, but ( and after Martins comments as well about manners ) my question would be do you think that it is simply "what they are used to" and so they dont even think about tiding up after themselves etc ? but ( and perhaps I'm mistaken here ) but I wouldn't imagine that in their own houses they wouldn't dream of leaving used condoms lying about etc as many of the Thai guys that I've stayed in their houes or rooms keep their places spotless - moreso than mine perhaps ! and whilst they may not have much, what they have they look after impecibly, so I can't help thinking and would wonder more if the situations you describe arent' just them taking the piss and actually almost being somehow disrespectful towards you ( or whatever farang it happened to be looking after them) in some way because as you have already said they know that you will probably clean up after them or fix the problems later for them and if that was the case I certainly know how I would react ! as there would be a few methaphorical split skulls until the message went out that I wasn't a push over - which to be fair it sounds like you have already realised and are in fact doing yourself already !! As I say it sounds like you have ( or at least had perhaps :-) the patience of a saint.

[cdnmatt]

my question would be do you think that it is simply "what they are used to" and so they dont even think about tiding up after themselves etc ?

Yep, I think that's exactly what it is. The best I can explain it is, it's like being born and raised in a camp ground. That's what a village is. So you go from living in a campground all your life, where you never worry about dog shit, to a house where you have to clean it up, so it's understandably a bit of a change. Or for example, my office is upstairs has a small patio overlooking the street and outside area / patio downstairs. I'd be standing out there having a smoke, and caught Kim's little brother a couple times just waking up, still half asleep, not sure where he was, and he'd just wander outside and piss all over the patio. Then later he'd fully wake up, realize he's in a house, and begin using the bathrooms.


so I can't help thinking and would wonder more if the situations you describe arent' just them taking the piss and actually almost being somehow disrespectful towards you

I don't think so, because doing that would mean they're being FAR more disrespectful towards Kim than me, and they're not going to do that. I honestly don't know how to answer that question. Maybe someone else can chime in? It's as if they just simply don't care though. It's as if they've been born a peasant, accepted their lives as peasants, and will die as peasants, so there's no point in caring. That's the best I can describe it.

However, I can honestly say I've not once met someone in KK or the villages who was TRULY ambitious. There's none of this, "i'm tried of being in poverty, and constantly complaining, so I'm going to save my money, and work my way out". Maybe there's things I don't understand, but it simply doesn't happen here, whereas it happens loads in Canada. For example, I'm a decent example of that. I don't have a high school diploma, and I make ... a healthy amount. I guess it somewhat goes against Buddhist precipts because ambition breeds greed, and greed is a very sinful thing, so they don't bother.


as you have already said they know that you will probably clean up after them or fix the problems later for them and if that was the case I certainly know how I would react ! as there would be a few methaphorical split skulls until the message went out that I wasn't a push over - which to be fair it sounds like you have already realised and are in fact doing yourself already1

Right, but only issue is that now everyone who comes to the house is somewhat scared of me. Now I'm the big, bad farang who stays up stairs and constantly bitches about everyone. It definitely does a good job of keeping the house clean and in order, but nonetheless, it's a never-ending task, and it's not a good way to live life. I don't want to be an asshole. Why should I have to be an asshole, because you have no common decency? You know?

It's just different up here. For example, about a week ago Kim had a group of friends from Bangkok over, and my god, what am amazing relief that was for me! Just normal people. They all had good jobs, vehicles, money, probably nice places to live, etc. Bullshitting with me was like meeting new people in Canada, and it was great. Again, that's why I'm thinking of moving.

matt have you mentioned to these lazy family memebers that you expect them to clean up ... wipe the dogs ass etc etc
or have you always just cleaned up after them ?? maybe you've left it to late and now they treat you like a gofa..
sounds like moving away maybe the best idea ...
back to ni.. may i just say thanks for starting this thread as its been one of the most enjoyable that has been on the board thus far during my time :notworthy:
seems to me that you will have a great time as long as you dont stay to long ... enjoy :occasion9:

ha ha matt well i was going to say that STUFF THEM and damn it that you should just go out and piss outside THEIR front door and see how THEY like it ! - but from what you've said I get the feeling that no one would even blink an eye ! lol - and to be fair both my mates and I have, over many years, all have been known to have a sneaky pee in the trees in our respective gardens at 3am at family BBQs etc when that whole 20 meter walk ALL that way in to the toilet in the house just seems like a CRAZY idea ha ha, though in our defence that is usually just after way too much beers ! - so hey perhaps I'm not that different from Thai's after all and I'll fit just in PERFECTLY during my Bf's village trip !! ha ha :-)

On a slightly more serious note though I do know what you mean about always having to be the big bad wolf as I work in an office with a diverse crowd of people in it and as the boss I seem to spend endless amounts of time going around either formally or informally having to moan about everything from dirty dishes being left in the work canteen, to people "borrowing" tools and stuff from the works store to people taking sick and just leaving other staff members in the shit without ANY consideration for their co-workers and I KNOW that they then all get together and have a good moan about what a grumpy bastard their boss is - without stopping to think for a second that it's their actions that are causing that and as you say the LAST thing I ( or you I'm sure) want to be is "that" person.......so I do sympathise....... but hey at least I can sack them if they REALLY get on my nerves ( well you could in the days when you were still allowed to actually fire people before industrial tribunals took all and any rights an employer ever had and fired them in the bin and let the workers rule the firm) - but you it seems don't even have that luxury.......so, yeah, it sounds like moving is going to be your saving grace to give you a clean slate to start again with a new set of rules somewhere else, although knowing Thailand good luck with that eh :-)

[pong]

Stay in BKK, and enjoy your vacation. To hell with the village.
.
Agree for 99,99%. Also make yourself familiair with all those stories those isany bargirls make up to deceat their newly found BFs: before he arrives, all the apparels, like the fridge, washing machine etc are brought to the neighbor. Granny-or anyone in the moo ban (=village) who looks old and fray enough will be summoned up to weep she has no money for go doctor/klinik (as you do not know it is free or 30 bt with a Thai ID). The buffalo suddenly dies, and there are 99+ other setups.
You unknowing ignorant farang are far too nice and fall in the ''oso pitiful'' mental trap. YOu have to show you are the boss, you set the rules and you only cough up when it brings you something. Unless you want to pass up your new heritage or stockmarket gains as you are pissed with your family back home so they will not have anything of it.
and ASK anything if you still think it might be worth it for the experience: how far from the main road, is there decent transport (not the back of a motosai for 33kms on a mudroad?), is there a 7-lookalike shop? Can you eat that lao food for those period? etc. the others may have told you more.

[pong]

It's just different up here. For example, about a week ago Kim had a group of friends from Bangkok over, and my god, what am amazing relief that was for me! Just normal people. They all had good jobs, vehicles, money, probably nice places to live, etc. Bullshitting with me was like meeting new people in Canada, and it was great. Again, that's why I'm thinking of moving.
Oh dear matt-I only read all your respnse after my agree-response above-you must have the Iwanttogoawayisan syndrom by now. Wish you all the best and hope you may win this struggle.

Thanks for the sound advice Pong, which I will of course heed most throughly ! although after reading some very useful posts on here ( and having a mind of my own too of course :-) I will only be going "up country" for maybe 3 or 4 days in total and renting a car to drive around the general Issan area and returning to a hotel at night etc ( unless the whiskey gets too much for me in his village and I end up sleeping god knows where for a night ! lol) but will then just travel about for a a few days so I shouldn't have too many problems hopefully and roughing it for a while doesn't bother me at all - and re the numerous tricks and games the locals can and may get up to a) I'll be disappointed if my "bf" allows that or doesn't "tip me the wink" quietly to ignore them as I think he knows me better than that to think that I'd fall for that ( although I know I wouldn't be the first nor the last) but even if he / they do then unlike Thai people ( and not that I've seen much actual evidence of this widely held rumour that I think it mainly spread to please the tourists ! ) I would have NO problem politely saying NO - but all whilst smiling of course - just as much as some Thai people have done to me when I know they really meant "get stuffed" :-:-) but hey thanks for the info, I'll certainly keep it all to the back of my mind !

[Smiles]

" ... Wow, you've the patience of a saint Matt, that would burst my temper within days not months ... "
Then you won't last in Thailand if you're thinking of more permanent relationships some time down the road. (If you're not, then you can ignore it anyway).
All Thai family's (upcountry, or big city) are decidely NOT like Cndmatt's experience. My Thai 'family' is a perfect example of everything his seems not to be. If this: " ... Go grab a dustpan for 10 baht, you lazy cunts . . . everyone who comes to the house is somewhat scared of me. Now I'm the big, bad farang who stays up stairs and constantly bitches about everyone. " is not an example of a frustrated bitter old git (and apparently Cndmatt isn't 'old') then I don't know what is.

Life living with a Thai guy (and at least sometimes, his family) is no Nirvana . . . but I never asked for heaven, never expected it, and neither should you. Or him ... though Cndmatt is starting to sound like a complete lost cause.

[martin911]

" ... Wow, you've the patience of a saint Matt, that would burst my temper within days not months ... "
Then you won't last in Thailand if you're thinking of more permanent relationships some time down the road. (If you're not, then you can ignore it anyway).
All Thai family's (upcountry, or big city) are decidely NOT like Cndmatt's experience. My Thai 'family' is a perfect example of everything his seems not to be. If this: " ... Go grab a dustpan for 10 baht, you lazy cunts . . . everyone who comes to the house is somewhat scared of me. Now I'm the big, bad farang who stays up stairs and constantly bitches about everyone. " is not an example of a frustrated bitter old git (and apparently Cndmatt isn't 'old') then I don't know what is.

Life living with a Thai guy (and at least sometimes, his family) is no Nirvana . . . but I never asked for heaven, never expected it, and neither should you. Or him ... though Cndmatt is starting to sound like a complete lost cause.--

I wasnt sure who to quote best over the last page but went with smiles

Matt -- sounds like the house is hell --i have 3(4 at weekends ) living with me but its cert not as bad as u describe(TG ) --and we have a dog here also!!-- and funnily enough keeping the outside gate closed has Never been an issue TG
--
But i went through the sweeping stuff into a corner ,under the sofas ,garbage not put out and then flies everywhere / used condoms for a few months at the start
My big thing has als been if you cook/eat -clean and wash after ALs (because it will only attract ants/flies ) i have lost count of the times i became the big bad farang over this (and still happens a little lol)

But the thai attitudes --
I rem one evening watching two of them on the patio--they were firing up charcoal (for a shi sha !!) --they were over in corner where the dog usually shits ,ans there was a good few little heaps of dog dirt on the ground --now for 10/15 min i watched them hop in/out/all around the dog shit-- made the job of charcoal all the harder --but not once did i see them stop,realise that it would be easier to clean the ground and go on --the mentality !!!!!

Another night i went looking for socks ( was going to airport in morn )-- could not find 1 (not 1 pair ,not find 1 sock !!)--turned the house upside down -- because the guys are als wearing each others gear --( even mine ) --traced down all the missing socks to the shoe closet ( its just inside front door ,we all store slippersin it ) turned out our toot boy was putting all used socks into this small drawer underneath when cleaning out shoes -- instead of the laundry basket !!!!
The smell !!! hahaha

My advise is to get in a young toot/ladyboy type like mine ( Colmx likes Sun also dont you G !!) and he will keep house in order !!--



Because they way you describe it is not for making you a happy camper Matt--

[martin911]

One other you said Matt i forget to comment on --- re the country V the Bangkok --that Kims Bkk friends were much better etc
One guy living here is a Bkk boy and he is prob the sloppiest of the guys here ,his friends from Bkk are not great also
And my Bfs uni friends (who are all mainly country lesbians -i kid you not !) are quite tidy !!

Diverse -- but its its still fun eh Matt

"Then you won't last in Thailand if you're thinking of more permanent relationships some time down the road. (If you're not, then you can ignore it anyway). All Thai family's (upcountry, or big city) are decidely NOT like Cndmatt's experience."


Oh yeah I FULLY appreciate and accept point that and I DO understand that should I decide to move to TL at some point then a totally different set of rules and behaviour would apply and be required on my part, actually I would see that as one of the benefits of the move as that "new life" would perhaps enable ME to relax and chill out a bit more and maybe not give a shit so much about the small stuff in life that I seem to have to deal with here in the UK on a seemingly endless and daily basis which really grinds me down. So when I said Matt's experiences would break my temper I was referring to that all happening in my life as it stands "now" and at this moment and I'd like to "think" that I would and could be able and happy to modify and change my own behaviour and mood and chill out more if I relocated (as I know from even now when I visit Thailand for 4 or 5 weeks at a time that process already automatically kicks in which is one of the things I like about being there), however I'm also old enough to know that you can't change your true inner self overnight and that's something I would need to keep in check and work on to be very aware that I DIDN'T end up bitter and twisted old like some farang residents I bump into ( and try to avoid like the plague ) when I go there.

Plus my comments were also aimed more at the some of the specifics that Matt had mentioned and I DO think that those things would get me slightly wound up no matter what as just as you already intimated ( and whilst I'm loathe to comment in any way on Matt's personal life or situation as that's none of my business but I guess as he did publically post the info meaning he's happy enough for it to be discussed - I hope so anyway Matt, no offence intended if not!) but from what Matt and you had already even said I am guessing that Matt's experience is NOT exactly typical and sounds to be on the outside edge of what most of us would fine acceptable and IMHO he does seem to have got himself into a bit of a situation where he's definitely now seemingly getting the rough end of the stick and he is and always will be the big bad farang now with things seeming to have run away with themselves somewhat and it's going to be hard to change that perhaps?.

Also as Matt is younger ( and I don't mean that in a patronising way Matt) and is still busy every day running his successful business etc, I'm guessing that he still has quite a lot of drive and energy which maybe makes just him that bit more keen to keep on top of things, whereas perhaps as one gets older ( and forgive me the huge generalisation here) perhaps one is prepared to just chill more and go with the flow (and put up with more shit ?)....and I'm not saying thats a good or a bad thing, more just a possibility meaning that depending on age and drive etc that level of chill out factors in just how much bullshit you are actually prepared to put up with ?

I guess also that Matt's experiences may be down to a variety of factors such as maybe he HAS been just plain unlucky in that maybe his BF's family members ARE just an ESPECIALLY lazy, inconsiderate or maybe even disrespectful bunch ( either intentionally or otherwise) - even more so than other typical Thai families ( if that IS typical behaviour, I wouldn't know ?) or perhaps at the start of the relationship the ground rules simply weren't laid out clearly enough for the family as it was all new to Matt and he was still finding his feet somewhat and no doubt trying to be seen as a nice guy whereas by his own admission now in hind sight he may set those rules very differently if he had the chance to start over (hence the idea of a possible move perhaps).

But undoubtedly ( and I say this in the kindest way Matt but your posts recently do seem to have gone from a guy who's there living and loving the whole experience to someone who sounds just about totally fucked off with the whole shooting gallery and has almost "had enough" (certainly of where you're living now if nothing else) and it sounds like it's actually making you quite unhappy - but hey at least you're smart enough to know that yourself and know that SOMETHING has to change (or give) as otherwise the whole thing could go to shit and just leave you stuck there feeling isolated, bitter and twisted and turning into the sort of guy that I'm sure you've met in TL several times and made a mental note to saying to yourself "christ I must make sure I don't turn out like THAT guy !! " - and again please understand I say all of that in the kindest possible way with no offence or attempt to patronise intended, it's just intended as a "friendly" outsiders observation.

[martin911]

Stay in BKK, and enjoy your vacation. To hell with the village.
.
Agree for 99,99%. Also make yourself familiair with all those stories those isany bargirls make up to deceat their newly found BFs: before he arrives, all the apparels, like the fridge, washing machine etc are brought to the neighbor. Granny-or anyone in the moo ban (=village) who looks old and fray enough will be summoned up to weep she has no money for go doctor/klinik (as you do not know it is free or 30 bt with a Thai ID). The buffalo suddenly dies, and there are 99+ other setups.
You unknowing ignorant farang are far too nice and fall in the ''oso pitiful'' mental trap. YOu have to show you are the boss, you set the rules and you only cough up when it brings you something. Unless you want to pass up your new heritage or stockmarket gains as you are pissed with your family back home so they will not have anything of it.
and ASK anything if you still think it might be worth it for the experience: how far from the main road, is there decent transport (not the back of a motosai for 33kms on a mudroad?), is there a 7-lookalike shop? Can you eat that lao food for those period? etc. the others may have told you more.

Well i disagree 99% with the above by Pong ---you must have been really shafted whenever u went to villages

I have never ever encountered any of what you mention above !!!!
And my bfs home is very humble --
first time i was there it was pretty much one big room/ cooking/washing area at back --- bare concrete floors,unplastered block walls to 4 foot,rest of the sides was metal sheeting nailt to exposed wooden slats ,same as roof(with no insulation,and a door made from metal sheeting -- ,exposed wiring ,for tv and 1 old fridge ,and it looked like the family slept all together in the same place on some small mats

In the 2.5 years im with him and over 6/7 visits to his hometown the only changes ive seen (and was not asked to pay for !!! ) has been that the floor has been partly covered with a square of lino covering !!!!!!!!!!!!!
His family home is beside his 2 aunts homes of a much larger normal house type (ie that his mama you would expect to aspire to have one day !!)

Now from what some have posted surely that type of family home environment ment i would have been expected to pay for upgrades etc -- and i havnt !!!

so its not all as pong states above !!!
not for me anyway

oh come on now Martin I'm sure if your BF was with any other Farang he or his family MIGHT have expected you to pay up by now BUT as he obviously knows you're from Ireland then he also probably knows, just like everyone else in the world apparently, that as you come from here that your house here was probably not even up to his parents standard, you know just like all the houses here, you know the ones - with the two donkeys in the garden, that have no electric or any running water have with no inside toilet or washing facilities and have both a banshee and a leprechaun at the bottom of each garden - ha ha well at least that's what just about every American tourist when traveling assumes that MY house is like anyway so maybe your BF is just doing the same thing and so he takes pity on you and doesn't ask for anything - if so BRILLIANT - our plans working perfectly and lets not tell anyone the REAL truth then eh !!! lol ;-)

Oh hold on - in deference to our esteemed leader "Da Boss" I should of course point out that that's not ALL Americans that say that to me .........just a hell of a lot of them !! lol :-)

[mj_87-old]

You know what I would like? A thank you. Not a bag of dead beetles, like I've been given in the past, but a thank you. Not once have I received it though. Taken care of Kim for 3 years, helped the family out financially loads of times, opened my house up to them, and everyone except papa has stayed here for several weeks if not months, and I was always very adamant in saying they can stay forever if they'd like. It's family, so no questions asked, and you simply take care. No charge, went out of my way and picked up a bunch of extra towels, blankets, dishes, soap, and everything else to ensure everyone was comfortable, etc. Bought the kids loads of clothes, school supplies, helped out with field trips, etc.

But nope, not once did I get a thank you. Just problems, which of course, always require my hard earned money to solve. Now I'm an old bitter cunt of 30 years old, so I don't hear about the problems anymore, because everyone already knows how I'll react.

A possibility is that by accepting your anger and bitterness they offer you thanks everyday, in a grand karmic way.

[mj_87-old]

matt, it's been really intersting reading your posts over the months and watching you going from all bubbly and "nothings too much trouble for them" to the 30 year - I wont use the word that you used but you know what I mean lol - I think probably like everything in life it's all about balance and when you first set up there you were trying hard to do the right thing and be accepted ( only to find it made little odds perhaps in the long run as the end result was always the same) and now you've perhaps got a slightly more realistic view of things and treat your BF's family accordingly ( and probably more the right way now I'm guessing?) so, even if it's taken a while it sounds like you've got the balance just about right now or are certainly heading that direction which is good to see and I always look forward to reading your posts and seeing how things are developing for you there, keep in up, it's great reading -and I mean that in a NICE way of course ! :-)

Have fun with the boyfriend. It will probably be a memorable trip. Share when you get back.

[martin911]

oh come on now Martin I'm sure if your BF was with any other Farang he or his family MIGHT have expected you to pay up by now BUT as he obviously knows you're from Ireland then he also probably knows, just like everyone else in the world apparently, that as you come from here that your house here was probably not even up to his parents standard, you know just like all the houses here, you know the ones - with the two donkeys in the garden, that have no electric or any running water have with no inside toilet or washing facilities and have both a banshee and a leprechaun at the bottom of each garden - ha ha well at least that's what just about every American tourist when traveling assumes that MY house is like anyway so maybe your BF is just doing the same thing and so he takes pity on you and doesn't ask for anything - if so BRILLIANT - our plans working perfectly and lets not tell anyone the REAL truth then eh !!! lol ;-)

Oh hold on - in deference to our esteemed leader "Da Boss" I should of course point out that that's not ALL Americans that say that to me .........just a hell of a lot of them !! lol :-)

HAHA there are a hell of a lot of stupid yanks about !!!!! oops i dont want to get into any more trouble with the DaBoss than i have been,or i might get scolded again (diff topic )

Mabye ive been lucky with my guys family , his mama even comes down from the north (he is from Sukothai ,south of Chang Mai --not Issan ,but still not affluent ) to my home when i both me and the Bf are away -agsain nothing gets knicked/broken -- i feel perfectly comfortable leaving the house in her hands rather than the other thai boys living in it !!!!
As i said NI go north and explore!!!!! --i spent 6 odd years doing the bkk/pattaya bar scene ,and while a hell of a lot of fun ,its only a very small part of what one can experience in Thailand

Britthai was right --- this is a great topic you started ---any others care to share their village visit stories ???? -Smiles you must have some ?
anyone else ??????????

thanks martin ... even tho you cant spell me name right .. 1 t dear .. my mother would be so upset she hated people who couldnt spell my name properly ..
just out of intrest martin i agree with you when you say you have no intention of paying out for anything towards the upkeep of the bf's house .. but i think if i was in your shoes i might be inclined to do some building work of some sort to help out .. tho i guess that would mean having to pay out for materials etc ... have you never thought to help out in that way ??
who knows when your bf's parents die you could get left the house in the will and end up living there .,..
what dreams are made of huh ??

[colmx]

My advise is to get in a young toot/ladyboy type like mine ( Colmx likes Sun also dont you G !!) and he will keep house in order !!--


Errrmm... Sun looks cute on his GR profile... but he is not as macho in real life!
A bit like all the coyote boys in Dave... once he gets dressed he transforms into a Toot!
Lets just say he has a nice personality!

I've been to BFs village in Buriram many times.
Have posted loads of trip reports... but they all seem to have disappearred now!

On my first trip there it seemed that there were nothing but old people or children in the village.
On subsequent trips the village boys let them selves be known
And then the village lady boys
And finally the village "available" boys :blackeye: :blackeye:

Each trip for me has beenn an adventure... but i find thatthe days there go soooo slowly... so never stay more than 3 nights

When i first met BF his without doubt the worst home in the village... a tiny wooden shack at the outskirts of the village
The only thing that BF had to show from 3 years selling his ass in Boystown (from 15-18yo) was a concrete block that housed the toilet and shower room

Yesterday was our 9 year anniversary - happy to say that the families living conditions are a lot better now... But sometimes it seems like its just too much of an effort for them to keep the house clean...

Cobwebs everywhere, chickens walking around inside etc are all just normal
Even the sofas have been relegated to chairs for the dogs... as the people would rather sit on the ground when eating/looking TV :dontknow:

[loke]

Isaan People have a simple life I think .

Most of the moneyboys in Pattaya come from these kind of families. Maybe think about that next time you try to have a BF .

You want to make the family happy go buy a house there.

@ Loke " Maybe think about that next time you try to have a BF . You want to make the family happy go buy a house there".


Loke, LOL ...I'm not sure if that comment was directed or meant for me personally or was just a general comment, but just to be clear - I certainly don't consider it my responsibility to worry about making anyone's family, other than my own perhaps, happy or otherwise as it's not my responsibility to worry about such things. If I'm with a guy ( money or otherwise) I'll treat him with respect, look after him well when he's with me, pay him without issue, at the normal or above the normal rate as I see fit, all without any drama and in good humour and he can then do exactly whatever he wishes with that money regarding sending it home or otherwise to look after his family as that would clearly be HIS choice and HIS problem not mine.

If perhaps I was with a guy in a serious relationship and we had perhaps made some form of serious long term commitment to each other then "perhaps" that might change (or NOT !) depending what we both agreed regarding that issue, but apart from that I certainly wouldn't be planning to go and buy any houses for families of guys that had happened to be my "BF" over the years in the near future as to be blunt if I did they would need to be naming a small village after me somewhere in Thailand with the amount of houses that would need to be built in it ! ( lol I jest somewhat but you get the point I'm sure) - and if the above it not what you meant at all then I'm sorry for misunderstanding you.

[martin911]

thanks martin ... even tho you cant spell me name right .. 1 t dear .. my mother would be so upset she hated people who couldnt spell my name properly ..
just out of intrest martin i agree with you when you say you have no intention of paying out for anything towards the upkeep of the bf's house .. but i think if i was in your shoes i might be inclined to do some building work of some sort to help out .. tho i guess that would mean having to pay out for materials etc ... have you never thought to help out in that way ??
who knows when your bf's parents die you could get left the house in the will and end up living there .,..
what dreams are made of huh ??

When i met my guy it wa my first proper relationship with a Thai guy --i was die hard butterfly --and made no secret about this with the guys i hooked up with --- but this guy turned me head over heels and inside out --from the first day !!-- but i guees i went into the relationship only having all the sorry tales from other farang to go along with --and i wa determined that i was not going to be hoodwinked - and prob stressed it a little much from the s tart -

i need not have worried - i met him only 3 weeks into pattaya life ,before they turn like the rest !! and thats the key to starting for it not to be based what he hears from other about what to do with farang !!! -- my guy is the real thing --

I made a commitenment to him that i would support him through 4 year of uni to do what he loves -- --and i explained to him that this was the best way of taking care of mama in the future -- he listened to many lectures/chats and i know that even we dont stay together in the future he will be a sucess in life --he is that type --

So i am taking care of the family in a different way ,but one that will count at the end of the day !!!

hope that ans your qusetion BT

[aussie_]

any others care to share their village visit stories ????

I posted my experience of village life as shown below back in 2009. I broke up with my bf because I knew that although there was a very strong bond between us that his main requirement for me was to help his very poor family. After six months without contact I started visiting the village again for one day of every trip to Thailand. The welcome is always the same with the family, friends and kids that I have seen growing up smiling and happy to see me. We sit around most of the afternoon having a few drinks and chatting. I have no idea about what they are talking about unless I ask the ex to interpret but it does not really matter, I am happy to be there. I take some food and small gifts for the family and kids, give them some money to spend at the market and we go for a meal together at night.

I doubt if we can be boyfriends again, just good friends and I will keep going to visit the family as long as they are happy to see me. My ex knows that I was annoyed before with the requests for money and all the extra people that went for meals or disco outings. He now makes sure that it is only the direct family that I take out and I still feel welcome by everyone else when I go to the village. The experience of spending time in the village has been a good learning experience for me and I recommend that you try it and judge for yourself.

Posted: Fri 30 Jan, 2009 3:24 pm
I arrived at the Korat Bus Terminal just before Christmas to see my boyfriend of 18 months Kai and his brother Yu waiting to greet me with the usual handshake. I want a hug and kiss but this is rural Thailand with its traditional behaviour code but the look in Kais eyes are enough to know he is happy to see me. Brother Yu is a lady boy in training at 16 and a more beautiful person in heart, mind and body you would have difficulty to find except for younger brother 14 yo Bell who is straight and an Isaan God in his own right.

This was my third and longest stay for eight days in the countryside near Korat. I was the first foreigner to stay in the village, a culture shock and steep learning curve for the villagers and myself. Our house is a basic dwelling with the usual outdoor bathroom with a barrel of water for showering and a squat toilet with the mosquitoes buzzing around as you go about your business.

I sleep with Kai in a double bed with a mosquito net and fan while the rest of the family sleep upstairs. The dogs bark in the night and father has given up drinking and smoking and sometimes gets up at 4 am to watch television close to my bed. No sex with the family so close and a good nightтАЩs sleep is a rarity here so I sit with Father and drink coffee till sunrise.

The three brothers are great and Kai cooked special Thai meals to suit my farang tastes. Kai was a waiter in Bangkok for 6 years and the only way I can get him back there is to kidnap him and carry him back. He is a farm boy and is happiest when working in the fields, cleaning the house and cooking. He loves the fresh air and his family that he left at the age of 16 to go to Bangkok to study, work and attend university. Now he is making up for lost time and will study at open university and stay in the village. Fortunately Kai also loves the sea and last September we had four great days in Koh Samui.

Our time in the village was spent sitting around playing cards, chatting and relaxing and also I watched the family work in the rice fields. The music of Isaan boomed out of the sound systems which often got me up and dancing and always drew a crowd of villagers eager to dance with the farang.

The best times were at night when I watched television with the family sitting on the straw mats away from the large gatherings of relatives outside the house in daytime. If you have stayed in a Thai village you will know that there may be three or more houses of relatives living together and other friends who will drop in at any time of the day. When the door is closed at night it means it is privacy time for the family.

Sometimes I sat and drank beer with the bad boys of the village or тАЬkwaaтАЭ as Grandma called them. These were up to ten mostly cute 16 to 20yo guys including cousin Tum who has the body of the hottest go go boy, sitting there shirtless and he always gave me drinks and food and made my boyfriend extremely jealous. Kai would say тАЬtake Tum to your roomтАЭ and I was tempted to say тАЬThanks, I willтАЭ. Tum is straight but I have seen many variations on straight in Thailand.

After a few Leo beers Tum and I often danced together the Isaan way with the music pounding out of the I Phone MP3 players that all the teenagers seem to have in the village. Tum looked directly into my eyes while we danced which drove me crazy with desire for him. The bad boys are good to me and so much fun and also play football at the local school, worth a look if you get a chance for the skill and also you may see a dozen shirtless, mostly hot guys strutting their stuff, hot and sweaty in the late afternoon sun.

Nobody seemed to care about the 50yo farang sleeping with the 25yo local boy. Grandma had a big smile on her face as she displayed the motions of me hugging and kissing her favourite Grandson. I loved walking passed the rice fields through to the next village and people came out of their houses to greet me and drivers of cars and motorcycles would stop to have a chat. It will be good when I learn to speak more Thai and I can communicate better with everyone.

On Christmas Day I took the family to a huge outdoor barbeque restaurant and before New YearтАЩs Eve brother Yu took me on the motorcycle to deliver gifts to relatives and village leaders and say тАЬSawatdee Pi MaiтАЭ or тАЬHappy New YearтАЭ. We were gone for hours into the back blocks around Chock Chai and our 92 year old great grandfather was very surprised to see a farang walk into his house while he lay on a straw mat watching Thai boxing. When I delivered the gifts everyone would wai to me and wish me тАЬchock deeтАЭ or тАЬgood luckтАЭ.

When I walked down the soi near our house I was always surrounded by young kids who yelled my name, trying to teach me new Thai words and playing games. There are also two 17yo members of the third sex in the village who look like they will be heading for Pattaya as they always ask me тАЬwhere are you going?тАЭ or тАЬwhere are you from?тАЭ and once тАЬwhat are you looking for?тАЭ. The little kids whisper in my ear тАЬkathoeys, kathoeysтАЭ.

I am a new member and I have some earlier posts which describe some problems with freeloaders in the village but that will be overcome. I have worked out who I can trust and who will try and use the farang, all part of the journey with a Thai lover and extended family.

I hope the following does not spoil the magic of my village stay for any readers of this entry. Maybe I am a bad boy because I visit the bars, off boys and have sex massages when I travel alone through Thailand. I spent a whole night on this trip with a Nong Khaki boy in Pattaya who spoke zero English but gave me a night of sex and genuine affection I will never forget. I cannot stay in the village for six weeks of my holiday so I am honest to admit that I need sex when I am away, Kai will not always travel with me and Thailand has so much to offer. When I am back home the options are limited so I need to make the most out of my holiday.

I love my boyfriend and his village community and will continue to stay with his family on future visits. If I move to Thailand I will be happy to spend the rest of my life with Kai, our story will continue.

Sorry that I do not have the flair or sexy stories that other contributors to this forum have in their very entertaining articles that I love to read. I hope some of you may enjoy this entry and spend at least one day with your boyfriend in his village on your next trip.

[cdnmatt]

Life living with a Thai guy (and at least sometimes, his family) is no Nirvana . . . but I never asked for heaven, never expected it, and neither should you. Or him ... though Cndmatt is starting to sound like a complete lost cause.

That's a little crass, no? How often are you up in Issan, Smiles? A week a year? That's a bit different.


Matt -- sounds like the house is hell

Upstairs is great, but that's because it's my domain. Nobody is allowed up here except Kim and the dogs. :) Downstairs is a total dive though, and I've just given up on it. Well, not as bad as what is once was, but still far from a living room I'd be happy to bring my parents to. There's too many people coming in and out all the time, and nobody knows how to take care of anything. Dog shit lying around, dust piling up in the corners, bottom of the sofa gets ripped, so right on, new garbage bin! Dishes just stagnate in a tub of water for a few days before anyone gets around to them, the fridge shelves are caked with dried stuff that's probably 6 months old, etc.

I even dropped about $600, and built myself a little kitchen upstairs. Decided it's time to eat good, wholesome meals again instead of market food all the time, and can't cook downstairs. It's filthy, plus communal, so everything I put down there would be gone right away. $100 worth of spices, never seen them before in their lives, but would be gone within 72 hours whereas up here they'll last months. That'd, and it'd just be rude. I'm not going to cook some nice marinated sirloin steaks for Kim and myself, while they cook some rice, eggs, and payaya beside me, and I'm not spending an extra $1500/month on groceries so Kim's friends can eat good.


But sometimes it seems like its just too much of an effort for them to keep the house clean...

Cobwebs everywhere, chickens walking around inside etc are all just normal
Even the sofas have been relegated to chairs for the dogs... as the people would rather sit on the ground when eating/looking TV :dontknow:

Exactly, that type of thing. If you're just visiting, then no worries, and it's a neat adventure. If you're living here, this is your permanent life, it's your home, and you're paying all the bills, then it's different. But like you said, nobody cares for some reason, so I have to. You know, if the 10 week old pups accidentally get out when you open the gate, please don't just say "mai bpen rai", then go inside and watch TV. Someone has to go running after them, which is usually me.

I do the laundry, dishes (upstairs kitchen), all shopping in town, walk to the market everyday for the dogs and us, feed, shower, and train dogs, cook the meals, sweep & mop the floors (upstairs), clean the upstairs bathroom, etc. Plus I work every day, and pay for everything. Then I walk downstairs, and see a bunch of filthy pigs who can't even be bothered to clean up after themselves. I'm busting my ass every day to secure a good financial future, for this? That ain't good. They're all nice people, and all mean well (for the most part), no question about that. But just fucken hell... care a little bit, and have some self respect.

Thats all sounds rotten for you Matt and sounds like your "guests" have almost made you close to a prisioner in your own house and whilst I absolutely relaise that it is Thailand and Issan etc I have to wonder why do you not / can you not simply and politely ask them to leave or slowly reduce their numbers to an acceptable level, is it because your BF would not be happy and leave ? if so thats a hard reason to stay about for surely ? and if it's not that and it's just about that how things are / have turned out I'm sorry but I think I would be taking back control once and for all in my own house and if they / your BF didn't like that well then .........well you know where I'm going with the rest I'm sure - and again please understand I'm neither judging or criticising your choices and lifestyle - up to you of course, but it just makes strange reading from this end knowing how you feel, seeing that you appear to be quite a strong, together character and then watching you do nothing about it all, except it seems make yourself more and more unhappy having to put up with it all ( assuming that you are of course) as maybe on a daily basis it doesn't actually bother you as much as it appears just when you're sitting down and writing about it all in one go ?

well played martin ... i like what you are doing and the way you are doing it ... education is a great thing ..
and he also gets the chance to make what he will for himself .. hats off to you :occasion9: (but it dont come off)

[martin911]

Matt -- You mentioned earlier before about it being more of a show of a lack of respect to Kim rather than you about their unclean actions - ( kims -fam/friends ) ,and that you DIDNT see them doing that --
Sorry BUT i think its excatly that -- im sure by now that Kim is "house trained "--ie that he is now used to living farang style as against what he grew up knowing-- and knows what is acceptable (if u lecture long enough it gets tru )-and what is not acceptable (the downstairs by the sound of it !!)

-(even though today again i had to give out to one serial sweet tooth(Mikey )
for raiding my fridge shelf --its off limits to them , its where i keep stuff i buy when abroad ,cookies i cannot buy in Thailand etc --who would have thought Bourbon Creams would be so delicious to a Thai boy lol !!--cheeky little fucker :dontknow:

So he knows that what you have described as the downstairs is wrong -- It Sounds disgusting ---
Its a total lack of respect by Kims pals to both you and Kim ,and its a also a lack of respect to you from Kim to let it happen !!!!!!

As for not wanting to offend the guests by eating steaks while they have the egg/rice dinners,its been my experience that they really dont want the farang type of food ( in this house -and its not that im a bad cook )
Dropping 600 to make a place you can cook in because the downstairs kitchen is dirty ---Madness --not so much the monetery amount its the principle !!!

Id have them F**ked out long ago !!
It Does not have to be like that in such a way as you are having to cook upstairs etc !!

I came down this morning at 7 am to find bf and Tootboy scrubbing the place (his Mama and sister with newborn twins coming to visit (mama to stay ) ,

So i grabbed a bowl of cereal and went back to bed -- when i came back down --wow there was 11 new Thais(most i had not met before ) spread all over the place-- i gave bf 2000b and him and mama went to market - we -had a lovely lunch fresh fish,salads etc --of course some of our half fin whiskey bottles (remannants of Club/dave nights ) came out for the men in group--so they were all pissed ,lounging about the place later

But from what i can see so far (most have left now ) the house is not a filth pit -- all dishes/glasses (apart from what foodstuffs they will eat from again ) are cleaned and put away ,floors brushed ,nothing dam, ----
So today has cost me 2000,and 2 half empty JB bottles (mabye another 1500 for dinner at a little restaurant near the house )
But for the smile its put on his face today its worth it

God help the poor Thais after Matt reads this --Take back your downstairs !!!!!!

Your bunch are not the norm Matt ---or mabye you just have not been strict enough (but to let it happen Kim should know better for fucks sake !!)

The trouble with some people (not just Thais by any means) is that they equate kindness, consideration, and generosity, with weakness.

Once this type of person scents weakness they are like a shark detecting blood.
They will strip you bare and bleed you dry without a thought for you - and if you rebel they have the bloody cheek to ask why you don't give/spend/send more money.

Oh, and get used to "You don't understand me" and tears that can be turned on and off like a water tap - because those are the stock responses whenever you try to rein him in - and the copious declarations of love of course.

Further, you may be the BF but you rank well below family and friends (and probably the buffalo as well) - good to remember.

I am not saying this is the case with Matt (I wouldn't presume to know his personal circumstances) I'm just saying that this is a scenario I have witnessed (and experienced!) many many times.

God help the poor Thais after Matt reads this -- Take back your downstairs !!!!!!
sounds like this could be a title of one of the movies they sell on the beach... featuring matt and his dirty dozen

[anonone]

A quick thanks for everyone sharing their experience and advice. I am on my way back to Thailand for a much-to-quick holiday. Part of this itinerary includes a 2 day visit to the BFs home in Issan.

The stories in this thread are both illuminating and scary. I think I am up for the adventure, but am thankful for the shared knowledge. Forewarned is forearmed.

[Brad the Impala]

Further, you may be the BF but you rank well below family and friends (and probably the buffalo as well) - good to remember.


This seems a little extreme, especially in the case of any long term relationship like Matt's, although it does seem like he isn't being treated with much respect.

My house, my rules!

[Brad the Impala]

any others care to share their village visit stories ????


Sorry that I do not have the flair or sexy stories that other contributors to this forum have in their very entertaining articles that I love to read. I hope some of you may enjoy this entry and spend at least one day with your boyfriend in his village on your next trip.

Thanks aussie for reposting your detailed report on life in your bf's village. I confess that I have always stayed at a hotel, not really happy with that level of shared intimacy with strangers in the village!

[colmx]

I found my original trip report from 2003 - please keep in mind that this report is 8 years old and things have changed a lot (especially prices!) since then
Have made some corrections to spellings of places but thats about it
Also included a few pics (sorry they are so big seems the auto-resizer is gone on this version of PHPBB?)
-------------------------------------------------------------------

Hi All
On My recent trip to Thailand, I undertook my first trip to an Issan village....
I had previously visited a Thai friends home on the outskirts of Bangkok, but this was my first time going real "outback"

I met Ling on my last trip in November 2002, he spent most of that trip sick with a throat infection and having wisdom teeth removed, I did not have the heart to do my usual butterfly routine and dump him for a new boy, over the time we spent together I think we both began to like each other....

We have kept in constant (almost daily) contact ever since, via e-mail and SMS text.

He suggested that I should go to his village in Buriram on my next trip so that I could learn more about him and where he came from, I eagerly agreed.

We decided to go for three nights, April 25/26/27th, however his friend had not done the laundry (as is apparently the Thaiboy rule....if your friend is off long time, you do his laundry for him!), so we had to go a day late.

unfortunately the flights to buriram were booked out, we managed to get a return flight (buriram-Bangkok) on the evening of the 27th, which was going to be Lings first time flying.

So that left us with the option of the bus or train, he decided on the bus. He also decided that he could not sleep on the night before we left (we were to get up at 6AM), so instead he went on the beer with his friends!

On the morning of Sat April 26th we turned up at the bus station in Pattaya, me very tired after 3 hours sleep, him p!ssed drunk!We got the Standard air-con bus to Mor-chit Bus station in Bkk, this cost the usual 90 baht, two hours later once there we discovered the VIP Buriram bus had already left, so it was decided to get the VIP Bus to Khorat.

This journey took 3.5 hours, he slept on my lap throughout the journey...I sat there and sweat buckets!
The VIP bus was an interesting experience! It had a conductor and Hostess, don't know what the conductor did, the hostess handed out Biscuit Snacks, drinks of Pepsi and Water, and also hot/cold towels.
The seats were thankfully made of cloth and not that awful leatherette.
The cost of the journey was 153 baht each.

On arrival in Khorat we had to take another bus to Buriram itself.... This was a fan cooled bus very noisy and with a conductor whose job it seemed was to fill the bus up as much as possible! I think this bus cost 78 baht each...
The bus stopped regularly to let on vendors selling food and drink.
1.5 hours later we arrived in Nangrong city (Somewhere in Buriram provence)...

20 Miles and 200 Baht in a Pick up truck taxi later we arived in the Town of Lahan Sai, and checked into the local resort, aptly named Lahan Sai Resort.

The room was small but functional, with clean towels etc, but Thai style shower...and squat Toilet (gulp!)
Most importantly it had Aircon! 450 THB per night for the double room.

On arrival we took quick showers and changed our clothes and then it we off by Sam-lor to my BFs village, the village of Kokmai around 5 miles from Lahan Sai.

At this point I gave Ling 10,000THB and told him that was his to do with as he pleased, for food drink, transport, money for Mama etc., I told him there would be no more opening of my wallet until after we left Buriram!

He had told me before that he was pitiful and poor and had a small house...however he had not prepared me adequately for what I saw, his parents were basically living in a shack, maybe 9 square meters, 30 cms off the ground, made from straw, wood, cardboard and corrugated iron...

Home Sweet Home:
http://colmx.files.wordpress.com/2011/11/img_0781a.jpg?w=570&h=318

They had a nice toilet built on the site.... made from blocks and properly finsished
This was basically all they had to show from my bf selling his ass in Pattaya from when he was 15.5, till now when he is nearly 19

He then went on to show me the land that his grandfather had left him, there was a large pond on the land which it turns out is the local swimming area and laundry pool.

Funnily enough there was an English farang living in the village, he had recently built a house nearby, for his Thai wife, her 3 kids, her sister and nephew... he came over for a chat and told me to drop in later for a drink and chat

After that we went off to meet the Grandparents (87 and 89), Aunt, uncles, cousins etc, they all seemed a lot more prosperous than my boys family, soon after arrival at his aunts house the wallet came out and some Beer Chang was bought.

News of the farang in the village soon spread and neighbours were coming from far and wide to see me, touch me, grab me, massage me...and talk with me (in Thai!)
Soon I was sitting and drinking with the Boss from the village!

There were no Boys or girls left in the village in the 15-35 yr category, seems they are all working in Bkk or nearby cities.

3 crates of beer later (36 large bottles only 1050 Baht!) and it was time to go to the Karaoke bar in Lahan sai.... around 10 of us piled into the local pick up taxi and drove to Lahan Sai, after 30 mins or so looking for a suitable venue, we finally found an open air karaoke bar.... 3 bottles of Sang som later it was time to go home!

The taxi driver had stayed with us all night and dropped us back to the resort, before taking the villagers back to their homes.

Next morning at around 10 the Taxi arrived back to the resort, with 15 other people piled into the back, relations of my bf... we set off to see the Ancient Prasats of Buriram, which were about 15 miles away, Phanom Rung was first up (40 THB for farang 10THB for the Thais) ....it was the first time visiting here for the children and I have to say the ruins were farily spectacular.

Phanom Rung:
http://colmx.files.wordpress.com/2011/11/img_0748.jpg?w=950&h=712
http://colmx.files.wordpress.com/2011/11/img_0769.jpg?w=570&h=427

Lunch was had at the foolhills of the extinct Volcano, This was followed by a visit to Prasat Muang Tam:
http://colmx.files.wordpress.com/2011/11/img_0777.jpg?w=570&h=427

We then headed back to the village (Kokmai).
A visit to the temple was next, I was expecting something like the Wats of Pattaya, instead it was more or less a big barn, with Buddha statues in one corner...he prayed, I made a fool of myself!

On the way back from the Temple, my bf stopped a woman and bought a load of Maleng (insects- mashed up cockroaches and ant eggs!) for dinner, I decided at this point it would be a good time to visit the English Farang!

After dinner Ling collected me and we want back to his parents home for a chat and some more beer, before going to a friends house for some ancient Issan ritual dances and even some out of body/possession experiences, it was quite an eye opener, not sure if it was put on just for me or not!
Bramhin Ritual:
http://colmx.files.wordpress.com/2011/11/img_0787a.jpg?w=570&h=427

At 11Pm we decided to head back to Lahan Sai, unfortunately our taxi man was after blowing most of his days wages on getting drunk, so we had no way home, Lings Mother woke up a neighbour and minutes later he arrived along on his tractor and trailer and drove us into town!
http://colmx.files.wordpress.com/2011/11/img_0808.jpg?w=570&h=427

The two of us went to the Karaoke bar for some night caps, must have been a lot of them, I even braved a mo-cy for the journey home!

Next morning we went back to the village and hung around until 3PM, There was going to be a festival that night but we had to leave as we had already booked plane flights...
I also got to meet Lings great Aunt who was 99, she gave me a bracelet for good luck, before I left I had 8 of them!

It turns out the airport was 2 hours away (in a northerly direction!) so we would have been better off to not have flown at all. The family all piled into the Taxi and we were off again.

Everyone said goodbye at the airport, I though Ling would be scared of flying but he took it all in his stride, we arrived into bangkok at 7.30 PM and checked into Babylon Barracks (but thats another story!)
The flights cost 1700THB each

In summary the trip to Buriram was the highlight of my holiday, I am definately going there on my next trip, it was really great to see where my friend had come from, and what had driven him to do what he does (prostitution)... It certainly helped to bring us closer together...

I would also recommend taking the bus over the plane as you get to see more countryside and it really wasn't as painful as i thought it would be!

Now all I have to do is hope I can get him a visa for Ireland, so he can know more about me!

[Lings grahafather who was deaf and blind aged 89, died on thursday, so he went back to the village to be with his family....I was hoping he would stay there and not go back to Pattaya....no such luck, too boring for him there!

I think it is very hard for the boys to settle back to their home lives once they have experienced the bright lights of Pattaya/Bkk]

[pong]

must be getting old too-I quite well remember this colmx report 1st time. Just a reassuring note; ANY major Isan town has now direct buses-and the nonAc have all vanished to Pattaya. No need at all to go via BKK. You may have to change in Khorat though-busstaff will tell. And the village may quite well be off a main road and thus have no good direct bus.
Besdies: IF your newly found BF happens to come from there-surely he will know the best/cheapest way to get to PTY anyway?

[pong]

[quote="martin911"]
1.Well i disagree 99% with the above by Pong
2.---you must have been really shafted whenever u went to villages
3.I have never ever encountered any of what you mention above !!!!
These discussions interest me. Most of the usual Qs here are far too boring too even follow.
@1.thats anyones right-I expected this-from whomever.
@2. what a nonsense- I guess I have been to many, many more Thai villages-spread all over the country as that 1 single for you. Even if you disagree there is no need to start giving bad names.
@3.thats what I wrote in 2-your exp. seems limited to just 1 Isany village-Ive been to dozens-in any region. And most not for visiting BFs. In fact I readily agree I am a cityboy-as is best friend now-hailing from Sak Nakorn-Muang. THese discussions seem mostly to hinder people in their emotional rightbeliefs- lo and behold to those who even try to point to something negative. I strongly believe-just as for about anything in live-that all things have 2 sides-and that honest reports have to include both the good and bad things. Laughable stories I like too-esp. about how clever the Thai (bargirls or boy or whomever) can deceit- great! Smiles! Take heed! But that does not mean they can also be angels 1 minute later, or the nicest person beside you all night.
To start off another topic: ever been into Thai houses that are really mean? Then I think of the upper/midclass SinoThai- you mostly feel the greed dripping from the walls. Those who have 4wheely SUVs. Houses with those fake Greek columns in the front. With 4 or 5 servants-underpaid and exploited. Where our dear beachy would feel right @ home?

CDmatt,

I solved all my problems and those you encounter years and years ago. I built the main house for Tam and I, and another behind for Mam, brothers, sisters and nieces to live Thai/Isaarn style all they liked equipped with their Thai style toilet and kitchen and a wall and gate separating their areas from the main house.

Guess what? 99% of your problems for me ceased or never occurred.They were near enough to walk to and chit chat and far enough to close the gate behind them.

I agree with you on their retarded nonsensical notions of extracting money for their lunatic ideas of business ventures, ignore them! ' No, I don't think I want to do that, maybe next time" usually gets them to leave and discuss it with their friends as a future possibilty put on the back burner for now..

Another fact is money sent by the working kids in Pattaya/Bangkok to family inevitably gets spent on whisky, gambling and other worthwhile pursuits, so those of you thinking that you are indeed helping them greatly or doing something life changing, you're not! if you build them a 5 million baht house, when you are gone they won't be able to run it properly or afford it as they don't have either the income or education. It will be sold off cheaply and they will usually be back in a ' shack' and guess what? They won't bat an eyelid.

If you go buying toiletries, foodstuffs OK and paying for the village banquet because you are ' on holiday ' OK too. Taking them on a trip to the temples is our equivalant of the English trip to the seaside or the Canadian trip to Niagara falls. Great fun, none serious and a good day out.

When some of you describe their lives as ' dirt poor ' they have always lived .like this, so what's your point? They have different ideas and values. They know no different and are relaxed and comfortable with it. Many of them would think it ' hell on earth ' to come and live in Pattaya/Bangkok with you in your house/condo and all your rules and regulations.

I think cdmatt that you need to have a sit down with your bf in a nice manner over a beer or something to eat and explain rationally that unless certain changes are made in his family/friends behaviour you are thinking of relocating as you just don't live that way and much as though you are trying to be fair to them they must also come to an understanding and accommodation of what you need your surroundings to be, especially as you are paying for it to be that way.

That used to always get their attention when I was up in the sticks and I was for a number of years recovering from a major cancer operation and recuperating.

[mj_87-old]

I too have often wondered about that also re what they think about us

You know what I would like? A thank you. Not a bag of dead beetles, like I've been given in the past, but a thank you. Not once have I received it though. Taken care of Kim for 3 years, helped the family out financially loads of times, opened my house up to them, and everyone except papa has stayed here for several weeks if not months, and I was always very adamant in saying they can stay forever if they'd like. It's family, so no questions asked, and you simply take care.
But nope, not once did I get a thank you. Just problems, which of course, always require my hard earned money to solve. Now I'm an old bitter cunt of 30 years old, so I don't hear about the problems anymore, because everyone already knows how I'll react.

You sound like some one with a serious martyr complex. Oh oh, I give and give and no one appreciates me or does what I say,oh oh

Man up, get a house cleaner and shut up about how everyone in thailand is a loser.

readings kqills reply has been a bit of an eye opener for me .. heres how i read what he says ...
what right do we have to go into a village flash a bit of money then expect everyone to fall inline..
you went to their village matt.. they didnt move to you ... so maybe it is you who should fall into their way of living ??
give it a few more years and im sure they will have you trained up and not be to bothered about taking a shit in the corner !! it does bring up the question as to why we in/from the west think we are so much better than others ..
do a little test matt ... spend a week watching them .. make some notes .. at the end of the week see whos happier .. i bet it wont be you .. and why ?? because you belive yourself to be above them ..
tho kquill wasting money on whiskey ?? they enjoy it so is it wasted ?? maybe the simple life is the way to be . do they worry about the next bill ... how much they owe the bank etc etc ..

After reading some of these postings I think i can now put in my 2 cents worth. I have been to visit my Issan Inlaws on several occasions (large village outside Ubon) and I can say surmise from the various postings that each village and family home is not the same, until you visit your partners hometown you will not know where it lies between uncivilized hell hole or mannered middle class home.

- Never have I seen boys in the village between the ages of 18 - 24 (bar boy ages). I guess in this town they are encouraged to be financially independent after high school.

- The inlaws keep an impeccably clean home, but the kids freely drop their rubbish all around the property/ road

- I am married to my partner and within the inlaws home PDA's do not cause a bat of the eye

- Inlaws & neighbours have never asked for money, but on the beginning visits when I was bringing bags of candies and toys from my homeland, even the adults made sure they got their fair share. This is a rice growing village but is not a poor village from what I've read from some of the postings. We do not send them any support money on a monthly basis but occasionally will provide some for a special occasion (birth, medical care)

- When we visit we (my partner) pays for all shopping and groceries for the household, mainly because he wants to contribute as opposed to showing off.

- I know my inlaws love me (grandmother, mother, sister) and I love them. I do not think there is any dark thoughts in their brain towards me.

- I only ever saw 1 openly drunk villager in public asking me to buy him whiskey, the inlaws looked at him like the Pattaya locals look at drunken Farangs, after the bemusement wore off grandmother told him off and shooed him away like an annoying street dog.

- Maybe I'm crazy but I enjoy visiting my inlaws more than my Thai partner does and I'm always trying to convince him to go again for another weeks visit. It's probably because I have little close family members left back home (Our first visit we stayed in a hotel, but thereafter we stay in the village home). Believe me there is existence without air conditioning and the mosquitoes are not too bad in the evenings.

- A trip to Big C is a treat for the inlaws

[christianpfc]

Many interesting thoughts and facts. Sooner or later, I will be in the same position (i.e. visiting a Thai friend/fuckbuddy in his hometown and meeting his family), I will read this thread again before I go!

Many interesting thoughts and facts. Sooner or later, I will be in the same position (i.e. visiting a Thai friend/fuckbuddy in his hometown and meeting his family), I will read this thread again before I go!

dont forget to take a handfull of plastic effiel towers with you !!! :bis:

Many interesting thoughts and facts. Sooner or later, I will be in the same position (i.e. visiting a Thai friend/fuckbuddy in his hometown and meeting his family), I will read this thread again before I go!

dont forget to take a handfull of plastic effiel towers with you !!! :bis:

Brtithai, don't encourage him - this is how it would work:

Boy's first fuck with Christianpfc = 500B Tip + bottom half of plastic Eiffel Tower
Boy's second fuck with Christianpfc = 400B Tip (20% Repeat Business Discount) + top half of plastic Eiffel Tower
Boy's third fuck with Christianpfc = 300B Tip (25% double RBD) + tube of Super Glue

:tif:

Many interesting thoughts and facts. Sooner or later, I will be in the same position (i.e. visiting a Thai friend/fuckbuddy in his hometown and meeting his family), I will read this thread again before I go!

dont forget to take a handfull of plastic effiel towers with you !!! :bis:

Brtithai, don't encourage him - this is how it would work:

Boy's first fuck with Christianpfc = 500B Tip + bottom half of plastic Eiffel Tower
Boy's second fuck with Christianpfc = 400B Tip (20% Repeat Business Discount) + top half of plastic Eiffel Tower
Boy's third fuck with Christianpfc = 300B Tip (25% double RBD) + tube of Super Glue

:tif:
eiffel tower ... spelt better then mine ... :notworthy: i should get a spil chekker .. and dont forget the boys gets a free half bottle of water for every shag...

[christianpfc]

Brithai and scottish-guy, you both are so funny!



dont forget to take a handfull of plastic effiel towers with you !!! :bis:
The miniature Eiffel towers were made of metal (aluminium/alumium I suppose) and coloured, which still gets me thinking: how can they produce these and sell 5 for 1 Euro (I didn't even bargain!) and still make some profit?

I wouldn't take something as cheap as a plastic Eiffel tower as a present for someone.

...The miniature Eiffel towers were made of metal .. how can they produce these and sell 5 for 1 Euro (I didn't even bargain!) and still make some profit?...I wouldn't take something as cheap as a plastic Eiffel tower as a present for someone.

I see where you're coming from - you are obviously keen not to be thought of as a "cheap charlie" and I applaud you for splurging out on the superior and expensive metal models at 20 cents per piece.

:bootyshake:

Brithai and scottish-guy, you both are so funny!



dont forget to take a handfull of plastic effiel towers with you !!! :bis:
The miniature Eiffel towers were made of metal (aluminium/alumium I suppose) and coloured, which still gets me thinking: how can they produce these and sell 5 for 1 Euro (I didn't even bargain!) and still make some profit?

I wouldn't take something as cheap as a plastic Eiffel tower as a present for someone.

somehow i doubt this is true ... you just havent found any yet!!!
keep on seaching .. because if theres one thing every house in a village in thailand needs.. its an eiffel tower ..
could you imagine how fun it would be for one of your conquests to walk to his friends house to see he also has an eiffel tower !!! im not sure if they would laugh or commit harry-karry

[anonone]

A quick thanks for everyone sharing their experience and advice. I am on my way back to Thailand for a much-to-quick holiday. Part of this itinerary includes a 2 day visit to the BFs home in Issan.

The stories in this thread are both illuminating and scary. I think I am up for the adventure, but am thankful for the shared knowledge. Forewarned is forearmed.

Visit to the BFs home now completed and I survived. :happy7:
Interesting experience and I am glad that we did it.

I don't want to take the time while in Thailand to write up a long report, but I may try to do so once I get back home. I guess I should start a new thread as this one now seems rather obsessed with miniature versions of French landmarks... :sign5:

[martin911]

A quick thanks for everyone sharing their experience and advice. I am on my way back to Thailand for a much-to-quick holiday. Part of this itinerary includes a 2 day visit to the BFs home in Issan.

The stories in this thread are both illuminating and scary. I think I am up for the adventure, but am thankful for the shared knowledge. Forewarned is forearmed.

Visit to the BFs home now completed and I survived. :happy7:
Interesting experience and I am glad that we did it.

I don't want to take the time while in Thailand to write up a long report, but I may try to do so once I get back home. I guess I should start a new thread as this one now seems rather obsessed with miniature versions of French landmarks... :sign5:

Yes indeed it does --- still interesting and all as min Effiel towers are it would be good if you can post your experience pls --

[Beachlover]

Interesting thread... Ok, I'm going to be really politically INCORRECT and harsh here but remember, I'm Asian and I have SOME relatives like these. I have to put up with stupidity along similar lines, though not quite as bad as Matt describes!


You know what I would like? A thank you. Not a bag of dead beetles, like I've been given in the past, but a thank you. Not once have I received it though... went out of my way and picked up a bunch of extra towels, blankets, dishes, soap, and everything else to ensure everyone was comfortable, etc. Bought the kids loads of clothes, school supplies, helped out with field trips, etc... But nope, not once did I get a thank you. Just problems, which of course, always require my hard earned money to solve.
i know what u mean by the no thank you Matt --i Country Thais have abs no manners --a few guys have stayed in my house over the last year and its was a constant job to keep them in check re keeping the place in order
Why should I have to be an asshole, because you have no common decency? You know?
The reason you have to put up with this shite is simply because they're low-class folk who haven't been brought up well. Simple as that. Happens all over Asia.

They haven't been brought up with simple basics like good manners, reciprocating good deeds, thinking of others' feelings, looking out for others' needs and putting yourself in others' shoes. Sure, they might learn these things elsewhere, but the chances of them picking this stuff up are weak, if their parents didn't already raise them with it.

The reason they weren't brought up with simple basics like this is their parents/family simply don't have their shit together. They're dysfunctional, broken up, incapable of making a decent living and their lives probably consist of a string of failures and fuck ups. They can barely look after themselves, let alone their kids.

It sucks and I really feel for kids who grow up in such an environment as some of my cousins do. But there's only so much you can or should do. If you get too involved with these kinds of families, they just end up dragging you down. That's the Asian rat race for you.

Next time you're looking for a potential partner - if there is a next time - consider looking out for certain things. Don't get blinded by the whole different culture thing. Look for someone who demonstrates to you that they're thoughtful, caring, able to empathise and keen to learn and grow. Look for someone with good common decency, some pride and a good concept of fairness.

Doesn't matter if you're looking in middle-class Bangkok, gogo bars in Pattaya or in the countryside. I think the same principles still apply.

It's also a good sign when you find a guy who's close to his family. This means they've probably got a loving family who get along well and have probably brought him up well, with mutual respect. My Dad always used to tell me to find a "wife" from a good family... I never really got the importance of this until I started dating guys a few years ago. Common decency, empathy and a thoughtful, caring persona are important to me and I've found guys like this are usually from good families and have a close relationship with them.


It's just different up here. For example, about a week ago Kim had a group of friends from Bangkok over, and my god, what am amazing relief that was for me! Just normal people. They all had good jobs, vehicles, money, probably nice places to live, etc. Bullshitting with me was like meeting new people in Canada, and it was great. Again, that's why I'm thinking of moving.
Exactly... After contact with more normal Thais, you realise what you chose to live with is the arse end of the population.


Now I'm an old bitter cunt of 30 years old, so I don't hear about the problems anymore, because everyone already knows how I'll react.
LOL... Oh Matt, what happened to you?! You've given up on the first floor of your house! :rolling:

I hope it works out. I think moving South is a good idea for you and Kim. All the best and good luck.

[martin911]

All very good points that has been made by Bl !!!!!!!!!!!
Its certainley down to how you are raised by your parents whether basic things like manners etc form part of your makeup !!!
And as i was told on many an occasion when growing up (some might say that procress has not yet completed itself yet lol ) "good manners "cost no money ---- so it shouldnt necessarily be that a kid from a poorer background wolud have none !!

I agree also in that in the lookout for a partner you should look for somebody that can empathise and keen to learn --

The lack of empathy i have seen here in thailand has suprised me many times -- considering how smiley happy friendly we think about, of most Thais !!

[Beachlover]

Another fact is money sent by the working kids in Pattaya/Bangkok to family inevitably gets spent on whisky, gambling and other worthwhile pursuits, so those of you thinking that you are indeed helping them greatly or doing something life changing, you're not! if you build them a 5 million baht house, when you are gone they won't be able to run it properly or afford it as they don't have either the income or education. It will be sold off cheaply and they will usually be back in a ' shack' and guess what? They won't bat an eyelid.
Has anyone seen the movie, "In Time" with Justin Timberlake?

This scenario reminds me of that movie. There's a reason why poor people are poor - it's because of the values and habits they've formed. They don't value money the same way. Give them a heap of money and in many cases, it won't change anything in the long run (though in some cases it WILL).

Weis may have been the villain in that movie but he did hint a valid point about flooding the poor with "cash".

The poor may struggle, as Matt describes, but they're usually unwilling to do what it really takes to become successful, so many of them just stay struggling.

In the case of some of my family members, the parents are just totally dysfunctional and unable to get their shit together. I choose to provide some support so the kids get a good education because I know how important that is to their chances in the rat race. I also know the most important thing is good influence but that's just not something I can't provide from where I live... just have to hope the kids get it from elsewhere in society.

so at the end of the day whos the one who really struggles .. the poor stupid thick idiot thai who has no value of money... or what it can do..or the power it can bring ... the thick dork who has very little to worry about in his small world ....
or the money crazed.. self important.. i have more than you have man ?? where money rules and friends are only friends if they to have money ... where everything revolves around the doller bill ?? where every waking minutes is spent worrying about where the next buck is going to be made ...
isnt it wonderful we are not all the same :occasion9: