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View Full Version : The course of true love.........Update



May 6th, 2006, 21:52
Hello all,

As I said I would update you all once my boyfriend had been for his month long holiday trip to the UK, here goes......

Background: We met almost two years ago in Pattaya, when he worked in a host bar, and I fell in love only too quickly. We have had our problems over this time, but I have travelled to Thailand three times and now he has been here for the month of April.

Getting the UK Visa for him was a lot of work, but we managed it without any expensive legal or "professional" visa services to help. I sponsored his application, supplying a load of original documents to prove that I own my home (with a mortgage), earn a decent salary, and could support him and pay all his expenses. He went to Bangkok and queued outside the British Embassy from 5am until the doors opened at 9am, filled out a questionnaire and went through an interview. And got the visa!

Even then, with some posters warning me that immigration officials could still turn him away at Heathrow Airport, I sweated blodd until I saw his handsome face coming through the arrivals hall. While I was waiting for him there was another man sitting waiting who got a call on his mobile and clearly his friend was stopped by immigration. He was standing outside the glass fronted immigration booth facing a stern official who just kept shaking his head at the man for over forty minutes............and I continued to sweat and imagine that I could be next in line to confront that stern face and silent shaking of the official head!!!

But yes, he made it, and I could hardly believe he was here on UK soil, in a cold and harsh climate, and now facing a radically different culture.

We spent the first week in London, doing the tourist sites, the bars, meeting my friends, going to the theatre and the ballet (the Trockdero de Monte Carlo - so not too serious stuff!!). Then a two week trip driving around Scotland visiting my friends and seeing my birthplace of Aberdeen etc. Too much driving, and he found the cold weather and lack of access to Thai food a real trial, but seemed to enjoy himself. In London I had stocked the flat with Thai food and he had cooked endlessly, and produced wonderful food too!!

Then a final week back in London, with me working a few of those days. And all to soon we were driving back to Heathrow for his flight to Thailand. In the car he said "Now I know why you never want me to come to the airport with you!"

It is almost a week since he left, and the flat feels very empty witout him.

He has said that he wants to come and live with me here in the UK. I know I want him here, I know I love him, and I believe he loves me too. I consider myself one of the lucky ones. I am 47 and he is 29. The age gap is significant, but my friends all said how lovely he is, and how happy we both looked together.

So now the plan is for me to fly over at the beginning of September, visit the family up near the Lao border, and have the big party there. Then a honeymoon trip, which we had thought of for Phuket, where neither of us have been before, but maybe if there is too much rain we should stick to Pattaya and party with his friends there. Then both fly back to London, and register our Civil Partnership, giving him leave to stay, and a permit to work. And us a chance to live together.

I have lived alone for almost twelve years, and it will be a challenge to share my small London flat with him, however much I love him. I work long hours in my job, and I am already worried about how little we shall see of each other since he wants to start off working in a Thai restaurant. He works as a waiter now, and I do agree that this way he will hav eother Thai people to talk to, make some friends of his own etc. But I also have said that that should be a short-term plan, and he should only work part-time while he studies English, and then get another job with more social hours, otherwise we shall never see each other, and I would hate that.

We even have a long-term plan with my closest friend, so we can have a home in London and another in Thailand when I retire in twelve years time!!!!! I just know that I could not live all year round in Thailand, and would need to have a home in both countries. But so much could change in those years before retirement, my boyfriend looks at me quizzically when I talk in terms of twelve years!!!!!!!!!

So, the plan continues on track. We shall see what the future brings, but I will be doing everything in my power to make this work. We make each other happy, and I believe we both have a right to that happiness.

Cheers!

CHAOTOU
May 7th, 2006, 05:42
Congratulations and thanks for sharing. I wish for you continued success in your relationship.

American Teacher-old
May 7th, 2006, 08:15
Best of luck to the both of you. I for one love to hear the success stories -- instead of all the old, pessimistic moaning from the more jaded members of this board. Well done!

Fondly,
Chris

www.niddysnook.com (http://www.niddysnook.com)
** Send money/gifts online to your friend in Thailand **

catawampuscat
May 7th, 2006, 10:09
Tricky, you are a brave man and willing to take risks.. I am glad the trip worked out.. April in the UK is a good test for the lad to see if
he can handle life in the UK.. I know nothing of Scottish food but imagine it is mostly meat and potatoes.. Rather bland after a lifetime of eating
Thai food,one would imagine..
There are so many nightmare stories about Thai boy/older farang relationships.. It is good to hear of one that is working..

I don't like to be a wet blanket but recently several friends and friends of friends have had long time relationships shattered.. I won't go into the
details, but the main issue was not being truthful..Everyone lies sometimes and it is a natural way of handling things and avoiding conflicts..
When we don't want to see someone, we say we are busy or have plans, even if we mean we are going to watch TV alone..Everyone saves face and no
one gets feelings hurt.. Unfortunately, most of us do not want to be lied to , especially in a relationship and especially about things we feel deeply about..
I think most husbands and wives lie to each other and deny how they feel especially when the relationship get rocky.. I find the lies very annoying but
I will also tell lies, and have realized that I can't discard bfs or other farangs for telling lies unless the lies are meant to hurt me..One ex-friend told
lies about me to another friend..When I spoke with the other friend and confronted him, he told me that the ex-friend had told him a lie that I was supposed to have said..it is all so childish and the ex-friend was probably bored and/or drunk and was having fun stirring things up..This same ex-friend also lied
about topping a boy who doesn't get topped, just so the farang he was with would get angry and break off with the boy.. The point is that there is a difference in malacious lying and lying to save face.. good luck Tricky and kee us updated........

May 7th, 2006, 17:39
You`re living the dream............. heres to a happy ending!

May 7th, 2006, 21:59
Surely you took him to see most beautiful sites of the UK. Did you also manage to take him to have a look at some particular towns where low-class British grow up and live ?. I don't mean to be rude but I think it's good to show him everything for at least when he goes back to Thailand he can tell most Thais who seem to think that every farang is rich and smart that it is not always true.

GWMinUS
May 7th, 2006, 22:18
Oh yes!!
By all means show him the people living in abject poverty!!
Let him get the REAL flavor of the UK.

And when done, have him come to th USA.
We can let him visit the slums of Chicago and the shanty towns along the Mexican border.
Nothing like enjoying the Countryside...

Rich, I hope he had a great visit.
Someday, maybe I will be able to visit Aberdeen!!
Have only been to London and the Cotswalls.

Cheers!!

May 9th, 2006, 07:21
Hi Rich,

Having read your initial postings last month, I would like to join the well-wishers here. Keep the good things going.

I am curious: was money given while your friend was in the UK, and/or will be given while he waits for your next trip to LOS.

Actually, I am dying for the details of your month together rather than wanting to pry into your private affairs.

Cheers.

May 9th, 2006, 12:59
We have been together for over eighteen months and for most of that time I have sent some money each month. Around 5,000 baht usually, so not overly generous. Following some advice on this board I opened a Nationwide account (UK) and gave him the card so he can withdraw the cash at no charge to me.

I am happy to give more details of our month together when I have more time. What kind of stuff would you like to hear about??

Cheers!

cottmann
May 9th, 2006, 13:09
...I am happy to give more details of our month together when I have more time. What kind of stuff would you like to hear about?? Cheers!

What were his reactions to seeing your everyday existence, your work and that of the others around you, and what were his reactions to being, essentially, a "farang" (i.e., a stranger in a strange land), with strange food, strange customs and so on all around him?

May 10th, 2006, 01:27
To begin with my boyfriend arrived late on Friday 31st March with the winter still in full swing in the UK, so all he could say to my friends was "It's cold!"

He did appear quite overwhelmed a lot of the time, and although his English is good, he tended to be nervous and shy, and would look at me whenever someone asked him a question, and I would repeat exactly what they had asked and he would then reply to them. When I was in conversation with one or more old friends he found it very hard to keep up with the conversation, and although he was polite about it, did feel I could have made more of an effort to include him in the conversation. It was quite telling which of my friends made the greatest efforts in that regard.

Food was the worst bit for him by far. Although I had stocked the flat with Thai food, and he cooked the whole time we were here, being guests in other people's places made that very hard. He was again unfailingly polite, but clearly did not enjoy farang food very much at all. Most of all not being able to eat any time of the day or night, and being faced with large farang portions at meals was difficult for him.

He did find it very hard to understand that I was too afraid to show affection to him in public on the streets of London. Holding hands anywhere outside of Soho is just not something I feel safe doing. We did come across some loud, drunk football fans on the train one night, and so he saw how bad some people can be.

I was very much afraid that the shock of how different life is here would put him off coming to live with me. I am very relieved to hear that he is determined to come here and be with me. I am asking him to give up a great deal, and our relationship has not really been tested yet, all the time we have spent together so far has been on holiday, so he has not seen how stressed life can be when we are both working.

There are so many risks in committing to living together, but I am willing to take those risks, and so apparently is he.

May 10th, 2006, 01:27
To begin with my boyfriend arrived late on Friday 31st March with the winter still in full swing in the UK, so all he could say to my friends was "It's cold!"

He did appear quite overwhelmed a lot of the time, and although his English is good, he tended to be nervous and shy, and would look at me whenever someone asked him a question, and I would repeat exactly what they had asked and he would then reply to them. When I was in conversation with one or more old friends he found it very hard to keep up with the conversation, and although he was polite about it, did feel I could have made more of an effort to include him in the conversation. It was quite telling which of my friends made the greatest efforts in that regard.

Food was the worst bit for him by far. Although I had stocked the flat with Thai food, and he cooked the whole time we were here, being guests in other people's places made that very hard. He was again unfailingly polite, but clearly did not enjoy farang food very much at all. Most of all not being able to eat any time of the day or night, and being faced with large farang portions at meals was difficult for him.

He did find it very hard to understand that I was too afraid to show affection to him in public on the streets of London. Holding hands anywhere outside of Soho is just not something I feel safe doing. We did come across some loud, drunk football fans on the train one night, and so he saw how bad some people can be.

I was very much afraid that the shock of how different life is here would put him off coming to live with me. I am very relieved to hear that he is determined to come here and be with me. I am asking him to give up a great deal, and our relationship has not really been tested yet, all the time we have spent together so far has been on holiday, so he has not seen how stressed life can be when we are both working.

There are so many risks in committing to living together, but I am willing to take those risks, and so apparently is he.

May 10th, 2006, 03:54
Telling White Lies seems to be a way of life for so many Thai guys. My guy doesn't seem to understand that I get more mad when i find out about a Lie than I would about whatever he did/said in the first place.

You are quite lucky Rich. If only the US Embassy would let me "Vouch" for my guy (agree to support him while he visits US). That concept holds no water with them. Basically, to the US consulate, if you are single Male Thai.. you ain't getting a tourist VISA. Doesn't matter my guy has been all over Europe and Asia and returned each time. They Really piss me off...

May 10th, 2006, 05:52
GWM said:
By all means show him the people living in abject poverty!!
Let him get the REAL flavor of the UK.


Actually, only the mentally ill live in abject poverty here in the New Jerusalem, and that's only because Margaret Thatcher chased them out the hospitals she then closed and they can't figure out how to fill out the benefit forms.

When we regress to Old Labour next year the country will be renamed the USK (United Socialist Kingdom). One thing that really stops me from retiring now and relocating to Malaysia is the insistence of their expat retirement scheme on an annually renewed medical insurance policy. Our health service may not be the best in Europe but I believe I will be able to afford the premiums till I die.