Requests for Money

[Jellybean]

IтАЩve raised this as a new topic because I canтАЩt recall seeing this subject discussed in the recent past, although I am sure itтАЩs been covered on many occasions. I am currently in the UK and am due back in Thailand next month.

Whilst I have been away I have been in regular email, text and telephone contact with a small number of my regular Bangkok bar boys and around 15 or so new Internet contacts. My connection with some of the guys is greater than others, with the majority saying they will wait and see me on my return. One of my close contacts sent me the following email:

Hello, [Jellybean].

Now I have something that would bother you. But I can not wait to return to Thailand because it is too long. It is now a business of my problems, I made a commercial dance team that I have to invest is that I took for my house to borrow money with the bank to invest in the business this time, but now business. My loss. And if I do not have the money to pay the bank my house will be seized. I'm with my family and I are homeless. I have to bother you one last time is that I want from you is the amount of 50,000 baht you please help me.

I hope that you will pity me and my family. You please call me or send me an email to confirm.

Love you always.

Take care.

[Xxxxxxxxxxx]

I have not yet met this person, I did however plan, either to go and visit him or bring him to Bangkok for a few days, to see if we are compatible. The question is, how do you react to such a request? My experience, over the last 7 or 8 years, has been, that as soon as I have been with a bar boy or an Internet contact for a few days they invariably ask for such things as: gold rings, gold necklaces, new (expensive) mobiles, clothes, shoes or even motorbikes. In the past I have walked away from guys who ask for such things within days of meeting them. But in this case I havenтАЩt even met him, but I was looking forward to meeting him.

Should I have no further contact with him now? Would that be the correct, sensible, thing to do?

Would I be correct in assuming that some other members receive such requests? If so, can you say how you would respond to such a request? As I see it, it is possible that he is in contact with many other Internet contacts and that he sends such requests to all of his contacts. I suppose he might be lucky and one of those contacts might send him the full amount requested or some may feel sorry for him and send him a few thousand Baht, say goodbye and wish him luck. Then he will have earned himself quite a few thousand Baht for little effort. There is, of course, a chance that he is telling the truth and that he and his family are in real danger of losing their family home. But what are the chances of that? Should I perhaps take the time find that out before dismissing him as a fraudster? But how could I be certain? It would be, presumably, quite easy to fool any non-Thai.

My instinct here is to have no further contact with this guy, and certainty not to send him any money. Am I being unduly hard and uncaring? I ask myself, what would I do if I was in his position? Would I take a similar route and try and get money for my family by using the Internet? IтАЩm not sure; I suppose it depends on how desperate I was.

I am genuinely interested in hearing what other members would do in such circumstances and to hear if any of you have had similar such experiences.

[christianpfc]

I too sometimes get requests for money from boys I know from previous visits. I either ignore these or tell them that I'm sorry, but can't help. But I didn't stop to write or meet any of them. This is a little game: they have to try, what else than saying "no" can happen?

Even if this request is genuine, why is it your concern? There are many other people in Thailand who urgently need money to pay off debts or for medical treatment.

[Smiles]

I'm sure you're not expecting any reply which would suggest you send him the 50,000 baht.
So, the expected reply: just say "no, sorry, cannot do". But say/write it gently. He's probably not lying that he's got a 'repayment' problem ~ most young Thais have ~ so go easy on him. Whether his embellishment is true is another question ... the house about to be 'seized' is probably not true, along with some other dramatics.
Then offer to meet him anyway when you next come to Thailand: Thais seem not to resent 'no' as an answer and accept it easily. Have some fun then, and don't mention it.

[neoncrusade]

I wouldn't even consider sending money to someone I'd never met, whether in Thailand or anywhere else. He's probably sussed from your chats that you have a soft heart, and he's just trying it on.
I would only take a Thai guy shopping for something like clothes, and then only if I really liked him and spent most of my holiday with him. I will only buy more expensive stuff if I've known someone for a lot longer.
The strangest request I had for money was from a Thai boy I've known now for about 13 years. About 5 years ago he called me in a panic and asked for 4,000 baht urgently. Turns out he'd got one of his girlfriends pregnant and needed money for an abortion. As this girlfriend had a husband (who was away working in Dubai), they were both worried that they would be killed if the husband found out. I sent the money, the deed was done and hubby was none the wiser. Within two hours of meeting my friend next trip, he put 4,000 baht quietly into my pocket.

[cdnmatt]

You've never even met the guy, and you're considering giving him money. My fucking god...

My one piece of advice would be -- spend alot more time in Thailand, and get to know how things work. That, and personally, I'd just tell him to fuck off. If for whatever reason you have some emotional attraction to this guy, tell him to give you the bank branch the mortgage was made at. Contact the bank manager at that branch, get details on the mortgage, and take it from there. I bet there's about a 95% chance there is no mortgage to speak of though, because generally, any Thai who is capable of obtaining their own mortgage won't be speaking to people like us, and definitely wouldn't be hitting us up for money.

Or fuck, just get him on a voice chat via phone, Skype, whatever... ask him what the mortgage terms are. There's a good chance he won't even know what the hell you're talking about. "Terms?!?! What do you mean by 'terms'?"

BTW... I have a distant uncle who just died in Nigeria, and left me $10 million. Can you send me a few thousand to ensure the outgoing transfer goes smoothly? I'll give you 5%!

[paperboy]

wow

50 grand no way, younwould be nutts to send it

Ive sent some little money through western union to 2 of my boys.
just to show them i care and they are not just a shag
not alot, 50, 100 euros now and again.
But when i go to visit them, its worth it.
its like paying up front :glasses7:

50 grand no chance

Personally sounds like showboy Art but who knows.
Anyway, keep the money in your pocket and cross him off your list pretty damned quick!

[bao-bao]

So, the expected reply: just say "no, sorry, cannot do". But say/write it gently. He's probably not lying that he's got a 'repayment' problem ~ most young Thais have ~ so go easy on him. Whether his embellishment is true is another question ... the house about to be 'seized' is probably not true, along with some other dramatics.
The odds of this being a factually true story about the debt is improbable, and an identical email has more than likely gone out to more than a few others. Nevertheless, I've gone with the method that Smiles described above on at least three occasions and haven't regretted it. There's no need to be caustic - just cautious.

If you beg off with an reason or excuse and the person still wants to meet and spend time with you you're likely to find one of two things happen - either they become a friend and don't consider you to be a walking ATM or they bide their time and try to work the request again (and again, and again). I've had it work both ways, and the people that continue to "ask" are allowed to fall to the wayside.

Just remember rule #1 - never loan out money that you ever expect to see back.

[Marsha-old]

I would not send a penny, heard these stories to many times in the past. Just say sorry, the world is in a bad state and your having problems also. Would still like to meet up and maybe can help you a little bit when I get there.
That way he thinks he may get something.

Take the advice given and give nothing. Keep us posted as to what happens next because if you politely refuse then the amount asked for will probably be dramatically reduced.
cdmatt has it in one, spend more time in Thailand and get to understand how 'things' work, and don't ever think in Western money terms as 50,000 THB might not be a lot to you, but it is one heck of a lot of money to a rural Thai.

[gerefan2]

Personally sounds like showboy Art but who knows.

Has he done something to upset you?
I thought he was one your best boys. Seem to remember he was 1000 Bt to off.

[jolyjacktar]

Well my good man let me know if you send him any money cause i will be sending out a few begging letters of my own and you will be first on my list.

[francois]

Should I have no further contact with him now? Would that be the correct, sensible, thing to do?
s.

Absolutely! No more contact; it is the only thing to do. No response, no nothing.

[thenorthguy]

I would say "bye bye"...Sounds like you have been set up to be ripped off. I have been speaking to a guy from Chaing Mai for the past few months, and now in the process of booking flights to see him......The other day when we were chatting he told me he was a dead man...When I asked him why he told me he had to pay his rent but only had half the amount as he had to pay hospital bills of Baht 9000 because of stomach problems created by stress from breaking up with his partner.

I could see the request coming as sure as day follows night....its the old saying a fool and his money are soon parted.

The question you need to ask yourself can you afford to lose 50,000 baht if you answer yes well then send it...maybe you can claim it as a tax deduction...

Good Luck

Personally sounds like showboy Art but who knows.

Has he done something to upset you?
I thought he was one your best boys. Seem to remember he was 1000 Bt to off.

He was 1,000 to off because he was the manager before he was "escorted" to the door. The amount owed to the bar is very high and his personal aquisition of many items etc, leaves us at other ends of a relationship that will never be rekindled. Since I have learned of many other people and bars that have the same opinion as mine.
Absolutely amazine how these idiots can never have enough! His salary was 25,000 baht a month and still making sideline deals!
as one persona said "He was a hard worker BUT, "He was just too hungry!"

[bkkguy]

the stench of troll almost knocked me out before I even finished reading the opening post let alone comparing it with some of his other posts so either I am a cynic, the other respondents here are guillible or jellybean really is the "one born every minute" if he is still asking this after 7 or 8 years of visiting/living in Thailand!

bkkguy

Personally sounds like showboy Art but who knows.

Has he done something to upset you?
I thought he was one your best boys. Seem to remember he was 1000 Bt to off.

He was 1,000 to off because he was the manager before he was "escorted" to the door. The amount owed to the bar is very high and his personal aquisition of many items etc, leaves us at other ends of a relationship that will never be rekindled. Since I have learned of many other people and bars that have the same opinion as mine.
Absolutely amazine how these idiots can never have enough! His salary was 25,000 baht a month and still making sideline deals!
as one persona said "He was a hard worker BUT, "He was just too hungry!"

Hi,

He drives a Toyota Fortuna as well. You are one great generous guy Justme............ :laughing3:

Also, I think the 50,000 baht should be sent and dispatched immediately, along with a new i phone 4, an i pad, and if you don't mind, how about a new apple mac computer and he can contact you with his begging requests from any wi fi hot spots, instead of having the inconvenience of internet shops.

Don't be so bloody selfish, you can't take it with you and he is making sure you don't!............... :laughing3:

[sydneyboy]

With due respect to the original poster, I find naivety on this scale as almost beyond belief. I will give 3 examples from 3 different friends of mine that have been brought to my attention in the last couple of months.
1. A friend visited Thailand in April and picked up an attractive young man near the Sukhothai hotel where he was staying. They went back to the hotel, had great sex and exchanged e mail addresses. They exchanged correspondence for a while then came "the" e mail. The boy's farm was flooded and pitifully requested 30,000b with his full name and banking details. My friend is sufficiently cynical and worldly to take this in his stride and laugh it off.
2. Another friend met a boy from the Phillipines on the internet and they have nightly web cam sessions. Then the requests for money started with each new sob story more "heart wrenching". This fool is paying up thinking he has found "love". They haven't even met! This boy is laughing all the way to the bank.
3. Another friend met a boy a several years ago in Morocco and has travelled to visit him at least twice a year.The boy rings him nearly every night. My friend has sent him money on a number of occasions over the years for "worthy" causes. The scales at long last have fallen from his eyes when last week the boy rang him from jail (yes jail!) wanting the equivalent of $10,000 to bribe the prosecuting authorities to have the charges (assault of some kind) dropped.

The bottom line is clear. Western men visit these countries for great sex and the boys want money. End of story. The onus is on the Westener to retain his commonsense. As for the deluded fools who visit these countries to find "true love" I feel sorry for them.

...I think the 50,000 baht should be sent and dispatched immediately, along with a new i phone 4, an i pad, and if you don't mind, how about a new apple mac computer and he can contact you with his begging requests from any wi fi hot spots, instead of having the inconvenience of internet shops.

Spooky!
I've just realised I have given all of the above gadgets!!
The 50,000B is a drop in the ocean.
I think Kevin is advising my "bf".

:rolling:

[Jellybean]

I would like to thank everyone who took the time to post a reply, especially Smiles and bao-bao whose advice I was happy to follow and have already taken. I would also be happy to report on any reaction or future meetings, though I now doubt that I shall end up meeting him.

As I said in my original post, тАЬMy instinct here is to have no further contact with this guy, and certainty not to send him any money.тАЭ A sentence, which some members did not seem to place any importance on before commenting. And, as Smiles rightly said, I wasnтАЩt really expecting anyone to suggest I actually give this guy any money.

I posted the topic because I thought the subject matter had not been discussed for some time and I was interested in hearing how other members dealt with such blatant, unscrupulous demands for money. His request for such an outrageously large amount of money saddened me because I had been chatting with the guy for over 3 months, thought he was a really nice person and I was really looking forward to meeting up with him.

I would add that some of the other Internet and BKK bar boys IтАЩve been chatting to have asked for more reasonable gifts such as, chocolate, cologne and Chelsea and Man U (Manchester United) football shirts.

Lastly, I was however surprised that one member thought I was a troll, I donтАЩt think my posting history justified that comment, but other than that I was very happy with the posts and would single out kquillтАЩs as being especially amusing.

"I posted the topic because I thought the subject matter had not been discussed for some time and I was interested in hearing how other members dealt with such blatant, unscrupulous demands for money. His request for such an outrageously large amount of money saddened me because I had been chatting with the guy for over 3 months, thought he was a really nice person and I was really looking forward to meeting up with him."...quote Jellybean

Don't be too skeptical. He may really need your money.

If you PM me his phone number and email address (or other way to chat with him), I will be happy to find out if he is telling you the truth. Then if he is you can send me the 50,000 and I will make sure it is paid to save him from being homeless! But don't delay as he might be in real trouble. You have all ready wasted too much time asking others what to do. Just PM me and send the money now and I will make sure all is ok. :dontknow:

[cameroncat]

Thai guys don't call Farangs "Walking ATM's" for nothing...

[Dodger]

Sydneyboy Wrote:


The bottom line is clear. Western men visit these countries for great sex and the boys want money. End of story. The onus is on the Westener to retain his commonsense. As for the deluded fools who visit these countries to find "true love" I feel sorry for them.

I tend to agree in principal, although think the real botton line can be divided into two parts:

1) Are you getting your moneys worth and keeping it within your budget, and 2) Are you more satified with the dillusion of true love with a sexy young foreigner - than you would be if you were having the illusion of true love (as perceived by others) with a guy whos' the same age as you back in your own country.

If I placed the opinions of others over my own feelings and aspirations I would probably opt for the "illusion" just to keep everybody happy, but I don't, so the "dillusion" will be just fine.

You can sit around pulling the peddles off a daisy reciting..."he loves me - he loves me not" until hell freezes over - or take the option of placing the daisy under your nose to enjoy the sweetness of nature - whilst remembering that the same ground that you plucked the daisy is the ground where you will be buried in short order.

Up to you...

[Beachlover]

Firstly, Jellybean is not a troll. He's been posting here for a while and you won't find a nicer or more positive poster.

Secondly, I think Jellybean probably knows what to do but is curious to get other people's thoughts.

--

I think you should NOT send the money. Whether you have further contact with him is up to you, but consider this...

Does it matter if the story is true? If the story was true would you send the money? No, of course not. You don't even know the guy!

Let's say you've dating a guy your own age in your home country for two weeks... Would it be normal or appropriate for him to put a request like this to you? No, of course not! So even if the story is true, then this Thai boy is doing something inappropriate, which probably rules him out as being "dateable".

If the story isn't true, then this is clearly a moneyboy who has no issue with lying to elicit money from strangers.

So either way, if I were you, I would rule him out.

[ikarus]

I do send some money from time to time to some guys whom I know. I see nothing wrong with that. If you happen to be more fortunate than some poor guys why not to show some generosity? You know some of these guys do find themselves in trouble from time to time and, in fact, can appreciate help. In the end of the day it all pays off. On the other hand, I have never donated to Darfur...Just do not trust fucking anti-semitic liberals who usually in charge of collecting such donations...

[anonone]

I have sent some money occasionally as well. Very modest amounts to a guy I have spent a good deal of time with.

I actually take it as a pretty good sign that he is not the "Mom is sick / water buffalo died" type of guy. Last time he asked if I could send a bit of money because he wanted to go out with some friends and no one had any money. That is the kind of request I can understand and deal with.

I'm not sure I could stop laughing if he asked me for 50,000 Baht.

Firstly, Jellybean is not a troll. He's been posting here for a while and you won't find a nicer or more positive poster.

Secondly, I think Jellybean probably knows what to do but is curious to get other people's thoughts.

--

I think you should NOT send the money. Whether you have further contact with him is up to you, but consider this...

Does it matter if the story is true? If the story was true would you send the money? No, of course not. You don't even know the guy!

Let's say you've dating a guy your own age in your home country for two weeks... Would it be normal or appropriate for him to put a request like this to you? No, of course not! So even if the story is true, then this Thai boy is doing something inappropriate, which probably rules him out as being "dateable".

If the story isn't true, then this is clearly a moneyboy who has no issue with lying to elicit money from strangers.

So either way, if I were you, I would rule him out.


Absolute spot on straightfoward sensible answer and way to look at the situation; in my opinion for what it's worth!

I was very recently in a capital city, it matters not where, and a young waiter from my hotel asked me if he could show me around the place as I hadn't been out in the City which he had noticed. I agreed and when he finished work at 4.00pm we went on a mini sightseeing tour.

I was then subjected to a couple of hours of his mobile didn't work very well, he had no motorbike or he could have taken me around on that, he got only $70 Dollars a month with two free days, Why didn't I want to loan him one of my phones ( I had an i phone to take pictures and a cheapish smartphone to make calls there) until I returned in a couple of weeks etc etc.

I was then bombarded with sms messages for the next week or so, that he was at such a low ebb, he was contemplating suicide and he worried about his future SO MUCH, he wanted to cry etc etc.

It was only that I had completely removed myself from the situation and relocated that I was able to think, ' Hang on, I have been served a couple of meals on the terrace by this guy and tipped decently for the privilege '

Tell the clown to go and do one and he's getting nothing, the same as I did and word it as nicely as you feel like doing at the time,......................The man is trying it on and taking the piss!

[gra46]

Well i would be writing back to him and saying if you pay the first 49,999 i will pay the rest as quick as i can

[chillnorth]

I'm not surprised at the requests so much as the fact that, much as in the scams from Lagos, they seem to work so often.

I did give 10k baht once to a fellow I'd met a few times, liked, and who was off to be a monk. I volunteered in advance I'd help with the merit, wasn't asked, and nothing was passed along until he got back sans eyebrows and had pics of the ceremony to show for it. It turned out to be the last time we saw each other but that was my choice and it turned out a fair enough parting gift.

Dance ensemble? House on the line? At least this fellow gets points for some amount of creativity.

[Jellybean]

Apologies for the delay in replying, but IтАЩve been absorbed in the extraordinary events taking place here in London over the last three days. Thankfully the borough I live in has not been affected.

Firstly, I would like to thank members or their contributions. It would seem from the number of visitors that this subject matter was of general interest to members and worthy of an airing.

The second post from kquill was exactly the sort of contribution I was hoping the topic would generate. It was a harrowing tale of the lengths some guys will go to in pursuit of money and goods. I would also say that given kquillтАЩs almost unique depth and breadth of experience in Thailand, his opinion and comments are for me, and I am sure for many other members, always well worth taking note of.

Combat asked me to report on any developments, well there hasnтАЩt really been any. I replied to the email sympathising with his dreadful predicament, but said, that the rules of the Internet dating site prohibited me from sending him any money. I did helpfully suggest we meet up when I arrive in Thailand in 2 weeks time, but he did not reply. I rather doubt IтАЩll hear from him again. Maybe he found someone else more willing to send him money.

And finally, Beachlover, thank you very much for your generous support and helpful advice.

[Beachlover]

It was only that I had completely removed myself from the situation and relocated that I was able to think, ' Hang on, I have been...
Haha... That's some encounter! Sometimes it's challenging to take yourself out of the equation and view these kind of situations objectively until afterwards when you're away from it.

I was with a Thai boy a little while back who was a little bit like this (but not anywhere near to that extent). I liked him at face value and was seeing him (ok, screwing him) for a couple of weeks. But there was a bit of pestering and alluding to wanting me to look after him financially.

It wasn't until I didn't get to see him for a while, due to a really hectic week of all-nighters at work, that I actually sat back and realised, hang on, what's really going on here? I broke it off. It was nothing special (more sex than anything) and I don't like not being able to read someone's ulterior motives.

I have dated a few guys who I would say were poorer and in a less financially stable situation and I don't mind that but I don't tend to hang onto them unless there's a pretty serious spark there. I'm a pretty generous guy when it comes to looking after others, buying dinner, drinks etc. as I think it all comes back to you but I'm very conscious of someone being with me more for that rather then genuine reasons.

On the other hand, when I explore poorer countries, I also feel guilty that someone might be more inclined than otherwise to sleep with me because they think I might be their ticket out of their poor working class status. Because I know it's only going to be a fun one night stand before I fly off elsewhere. Don't know what to do about that...

[yedo111]

What is this , so many gay guys, probably older westerners , giving donations away just like that , to poor cute thai boys .

Ok Im gay and I need to meet a boy for friendship and love , whats money got to do with it ?
Well when u are IN Thailand you can be as generous as you want but just sending money to strangers, wow , maybe you dont care so much about money , maybe u very rich and handsome man who knows.
.
Anyway have fun while you are here , not waste your money just because of a begging email. :rolling:

What is this , so many gay guys, probably older westerners , giving donations away just like that , to poor cute thai boys .

Ok Im gay and I need to meet a boy for friendship and love , whats money got to do with it ?
Well when u are IN Thailand you can be as generous as you want but just sending money to strangers, wow , maybe you dont care so much about money , maybe u very rich and handsome man who knows.
.
Anyway have fun while you are here , not waste your money just because of a begging email. :rolling:


You are absolutely right, but to most it's the crafty way they make you feel guilty and word their begging requests!

[Beachlover]

What is this , so many gay guys, probably older westerners , giving donations away just like that , to poor cute thai boys .

Ok Im gay and I need to meet a boy for friendship and love , whats money got to do with it ?
They do it because they know they have nothing else to offer... no chemistry and can't add value to the relationship any other way.

(Not referring to the OP as he has said he won't be sending the money).

Hi,

When you are an older guy from the West, you know full well that you have to bring something to the party. It's a trade off, we all know it, you bring the wallet, they bring the body and looks.

Also, their greed ( the Thai boy) often gets fuelled by Westerners entering into one upmanship with other Westerners on the motorbike, cars and houses front.

[sydneyboy]

I am resurrecting this thread after reading yesterday this wonderful quote:

"No one can take advantage of you without your permission" (Ann Landers)

This quote should be in the forefront of the mind of all gay Western travellers to a country like Thailand.

I am resurrecting this thread after reading yesterday this wonderful quote:

"No one can take advantage of you without your permission" (Ann Landers)

This quote should be in the forefront of the mind of all gay Western travellers to a country like Thailand.


sydneyboy,

A fabulous quote indeed and how apt, but I think I would word it at the end ' without you allowing it ' as opposed to ' without your permission ' :laughing3: