Beachlover
July 17th, 2011, 02:00
Restaurant relieved after moron misspells name
SHITSVILLEтАФOne lucky restaurant breathed a sigh of relief after LMTU (Mothersruin) misspelt their name in one of his infamously disastrous reviews.
Popular Pattaya restaurant, CherryтАЩs dodged a bullet when LMTU incorrectly spelt their name as, тАЬCherriesтАЭ. When asked how he felt about the near miss, the owner of CherryтАЩs beamed, тАЬI feel all my good karma has come back to me at onceтАЭ.
Disaster guaranteed
LMTUтАЩs reviews are notorious for spelling disaster for businesses. But not in the way you might imagine.
His reviews are renowned for igniting anger and ridicule from readers, frustrated with his ridiculous hype and fluff and waffling on with absurd hyperbole. He is known for even claiming the food is so good that customers will actually derive sexual pleasure from it.
Combined with his stupidity and inability to write coherent English, a review by LMTU is bad news for any business foolish enough to let him in. This has prompted business owners to ask how to put a stop to this moron.
How do we stop this moron?
So far, LMTU has posed the question, тАЬis this best restaurant in PattayaтАЭ 16 times, prompting one restaurant owner to beg, тАЬPlease, someone just give him a fucking answer to stop him using that fucking ridiculous hyperbole! I donтАЩt care if another restaurant gets to make that claim. Just stop the fucking stupidity!тАЭ
One sensible member of the public suggested taking LMTU for a swim at a location where drowning is common. Despite the obvious consequence being death, nobody has objected to this proposal so far.
Taking no chances
Not wanting to leave survival to chance in future, the owner of CherryтАЩs put up a photo of LMTU and wrote тАЬIf you let this idiot in, we will go out of business and you will lose your job!тАЭ in both English and Thai for his employees.
тАЬItтАЩs really working. IтАЩve never seen my employees so motivated before. They organised a roster so one employee is always at the entrance watching and waiting for LMTU and prepared with directions to our competitorтАЭ, he said.
тАЬThis is no fun. ItтАЩs depressing.тАЭ
One fellow writer, Alaan, momentarily took it upon himself to help LMTU write normally. тАЬI am renowned for my unrealistic optimism and hopeтАЭ, he confessed. However, even this was not to last as LMTU quickly proved himself to be a brain damaged individual beyond hope.
Of the harrowing experience with LMTU, Alaan remarked тАЬThis is NO fun. ItтАЩs DEPRESSINGтАЭ.
Other restaurants not so lucky
Two other restaurants, Mata Hari and Alois, werenтАЩt so lucky. Both restaurants experienced near-instantaneous loss of business when LMTU posted reviews and managed to spell their names correctly.
тАЬWeтАЩve been cursed by LMTUтАЭ, wailed one restaurant owner. Mata Hari reported eight cancellations within minutes of LMTUтАЩs spectacularly-ridiculous review appearing online. тАЬI even had 26 more phone calls, not from customers cancelling bookings mind you. Just from people who wanted to express their strong feelings about this ridiculous review, which we had no part ofтАЭ, said the owner. "The buffoon will give me a heart attack", he bawled.
The owner of Alois, has threatened to call his lawyers over the 28 cancelations attributed to LMTUтАЩs spectacularly-exaggerated review. "It's hard to imagine such a person managed to cross the road safely to get to my restaurant", said the owner in disbelief. "Why didn't a Song Taew run him over?" he asked.
SHITSVILLEтАФOne lucky restaurant breathed a sigh of relief after LMTU (Mothersruin) misspelt their name in one of his infamously disastrous reviews.
Popular Pattaya restaurant, CherryтАЩs dodged a bullet when LMTU incorrectly spelt their name as, тАЬCherriesтАЭ. When asked how he felt about the near miss, the owner of CherryтАЩs beamed, тАЬI feel all my good karma has come back to me at onceтАЭ.
Disaster guaranteed
LMTUтАЩs reviews are notorious for spelling disaster for businesses. But not in the way you might imagine.
His reviews are renowned for igniting anger and ridicule from readers, frustrated with his ridiculous hype and fluff and waffling on with absurd hyperbole. He is known for even claiming the food is so good that customers will actually derive sexual pleasure from it.
Combined with his stupidity and inability to write coherent English, a review by LMTU is bad news for any business foolish enough to let him in. This has prompted business owners to ask how to put a stop to this moron.
How do we stop this moron?
So far, LMTU has posed the question, тАЬis this best restaurant in PattayaтАЭ 16 times, prompting one restaurant owner to beg, тАЬPlease, someone just give him a fucking answer to stop him using that fucking ridiculous hyperbole! I donтАЩt care if another restaurant gets to make that claim. Just stop the fucking stupidity!тАЭ
One sensible member of the public suggested taking LMTU for a swim at a location where drowning is common. Despite the obvious consequence being death, nobody has objected to this proposal so far.
Taking no chances
Not wanting to leave survival to chance in future, the owner of CherryтАЩs put up a photo of LMTU and wrote тАЬIf you let this idiot in, we will go out of business and you will lose your job!тАЭ in both English and Thai for his employees.
тАЬItтАЩs really working. IтАЩve never seen my employees so motivated before. They organised a roster so one employee is always at the entrance watching and waiting for LMTU and prepared with directions to our competitorтАЭ, he said.
тАЬThis is no fun. ItтАЩs depressing.тАЭ
One fellow writer, Alaan, momentarily took it upon himself to help LMTU write normally. тАЬI am renowned for my unrealistic optimism and hopeтАЭ, he confessed. However, even this was not to last as LMTU quickly proved himself to be a brain damaged individual beyond hope.
Of the harrowing experience with LMTU, Alaan remarked тАЬThis is NO fun. ItтАЩs DEPRESSINGтАЭ.
Other restaurants not so lucky
Two other restaurants, Mata Hari and Alois, werenтАЩt so lucky. Both restaurants experienced near-instantaneous loss of business when LMTU posted reviews and managed to spell their names correctly.
тАЬWeтАЩve been cursed by LMTUтАЭ, wailed one restaurant owner. Mata Hari reported eight cancellations within minutes of LMTUтАЩs spectacularly-ridiculous review appearing online. тАЬI even had 26 more phone calls, not from customers cancelling bookings mind you. Just from people who wanted to express their strong feelings about this ridiculous review, which we had no part ofтАЭ, said the owner. "The buffoon will give me a heart attack", he bawled.
The owner of Alois, has threatened to call his lawyers over the 28 cancelations attributed to LMTUтАЩs spectacularly-exaggerated review. "It's hard to imagine such a person managed to cross the road safely to get to my restaurant", said the owner in disbelief. "Why didn't a Song Taew run him over?" he asked.