Up to you.......

It seems that every time I ask a Thai about making a choice it always boils down to: Up to you. How do you ever get them to
voice an opinion on anything? Looking for some answers.

You dont. Plain and simple.
Theie culture, their background, has been subserviant. They always want to please you. Do yourself a favor and stop asking them cause you will never get an answer unless it is a relationship for many years and even then I would bet you dont. :sign5:

[zinzone]

It is always a danger sign when a Thai uses the expression "Up to You". What is being said to you is something like as follows:

'I f*cking could not care less, just do you want and do it quickly, give me the money and let me go back to my room to sleep and screw with my Thai partner'.

[cdnmatt]

Get to know a Thai well enough, and that whole "up to you" thing goes right out the window. Trust me...

Oh I would not agree with you on that one. Most Thais are very outgoing people and want to please the person whom they are with. Yes, completely innocent, hmmmmm, not sure, but my boyfriend used that expression "Up to you " for years and years. When I would say Italian or Amor, wow, you could see the look on his face that he wasnt to happy. Hates spagetti, cheese and therefore pizza and tomato sauce. Hated Amor cause it took forever to be served and was such a production. But each week he would say up to you knowing that one day a week or two, I would say Italian and when I did say Italian, he said "fine" or "no problem" and suffered. No, not all boys or most boys I think are like that.
CDmatt, yes, after about 5 years, it went out the window and he always told me where he wanted to go, what he wanted to do, and what clothes and things he needed. :sign5:
:love4:

[cdnmatt]

Lucky you, I guess. In the year we've been living in KK, I've managed to convince Kim to come to a farang restaurant once. I could probably do it again, but it would take some prodding, pleading, and begging.

He doesn't many issues voicing his opinion at all anymore, but neither do I, so it works! He's learned to express himself as a normal human being now, instead of just flying off the handle like many Thais. He's realized that calmly talking about the problem usually results in it getting solved much better than having a bitching contest. And after all this time, we've found a nice middle ground that we're both happy with. It works!

Well I will say that there were many a time that he would not eat and only go with me and then duck out later to eat thai food.
As far as the bitching and fighting part, well you have it on me for sure! Whenever I got angry, he would do what 99% of Thais do and that is, walk away!
That of course sends the average farang over the edge. Thais usually walk away from an arguement if they are hot and come back hours or days later after everyone has gotten a cool head and pretend like it never happened. It happens with my b/f and contractors and when going into a store and trying to get something done and they wont help properly. Raise your voice a little and they yell out that you are JAI LAWN and turn around and walk away. Sometimes they dont even say you are jai lawn!

Well my response to their "Up to You" is "Yes, I know it's up to me but I ask you - so what do you think?"

That elicits a response 99% of the time.

The other catch-all they use is "You don't understand me" whenever you catch them out or you won't agree to whichever demand is presented to you at any given time

:occasion9:

[cdnmatt]

heh, don't forget, "You not care me!" ... "No! I love you too much, but you not care me!"

This could be a fun thread. :)

Good Scottish. I have also always found when getting annoyed with the antics they pull to rather than yelling, say "I am not happy".
Thais cannot deal with that as thier main objective most of the time is to make thier falang happy. :love4:

[Beachlover]

I can't recall ever hearing a Thai boy say the much talked about phrase, "up to you" in Thailand. Only time I've ever heard it is from a Thai boy I dated who was studying/working in Sydney. The closest thing I've heard is, "it's your room" from a boy I was with in Thailand when asking if I could top him!

I suspect it comes down to hierarchy. Thais can be very mindful of hierarchy and who is the superior/subordinate in a relationship. If you're an older/wealthier (by far) foreigner, you are considered the superior and they naturally feel obligated to please you and follow your lead. Sometimes the thought of what they might want for themselves doesn't even come to mind for them.

Probing a bit, like what Scottish suggests, might get them out of this mindset.

Personally, I feel more comfortable with boys who treat me more as a peer, rather than some exotic superior, but it can't be helped sometimes.


say "I am not happy". Thais cannot deal with that as thier main objective most of the time is to make thier falang happy. :love4:
LOL... You bastard.

[Thor69]

Why don't you make the choice for them and avoid this "up to you" nonsense. Then when you make the decision he doesn't like you can put up with the sulking. Either way you're screwed!
:dontknow:

[Beachlover]

Well... seeking a compromise between what you want and what your partner wants is important in any healthy relationship!

I love all kinds of food but my current Thai BF doesn't like Western food, noodles or beef (strange?), so I'm always conscious of this when we go to eat. One of my mates goes on and off what he calls "the bandwagon - i.e. healthy food"... so I'm mindful of whether he's on the bandwagon and if he is, I won't suggest going to a gourmet burger bar or Mexican food... it's all part of being a good friend/partner... little bits of thoughtfulness like this make a big difference. This "up to you" thing just makes it challenging, I guess.

[stkyricesf]

This is one thread that really makes me smile. All these phrases I'm sure have been used on everyone, but you have to admit phrases are sort of cute and totally Thai. Thanks to the person who started this thread. :hello1:

Well I made the silly mistake after first meeting up with a nice thai guy for a few weeks of when he said "up to you" of mistakenly thinking that he really meant "no problem, its up to me" - whereas it later transpired and I soon learnt that what he ACTUALLY meant was "yes ok, go on, I dare you, do just go on and do whatever you want to do - but you may not like the consequences afterwards !" - which usually then ranged anywhere from a simple huff to a full blown domestic complete with a temper tantrum that would have put any four year old to shame thrown in for good measure :-) Still the make up sex was always good afterwards I suppose :-)

There needs to be a Thai version of this:
[youtube:3burpbl0]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ezVib_giTFo[/youtube:3burpbl0]