Robbed!

[colmx]

Hi all
After 11 years of visiting Thailand and meeting honest boys i finally got robbed tonight

Offed a boy from a Pattayaland soi 1 bar and went with him my BF and his friends to NAB for a few hours... then i went back to room with teh boy when BF stayed in teh disco

Of course this 11 years of honest boys has me lulled into a false sense of security and i foolishly left my wallet in the room when i was in the shower
Minutes earlier (when he was in the shower) i had set aside 1400B in my wallet to give to him.
I was not drink at the time so know i didn't make a mistake

When I went to give him money my wallet was in another pocket of my jeans and the set aside money for him money had disappearred!
Of course I should have confronted him there and then but i didn't.

Instead i made a big deal of looking for the money in my wallet. In the meantime the boy went to the toilet and vomited (i presume it was vomit of guilt and not form being with me!). In the end i gave him the 1000 of the remaining 1800 that he had left in the wallet but still never accussed him

Anyway - the point of this whole thread is to ask the users here what they would do in this situation?
I know that it was a small amount that he took - but i guess the principle is still the same

BF wants to go have it out with the guy in his bar tomorrow

Friend of BF wants me to bring the police to the boys bar tomorrow to confront him - but of course i have no proof that he stole the money - only thing i have is the certainty that he took it

My inclination is to let things be... but then if he gets away with it this time... what might he do next time...

Opinions?

[Impulse]

Sorry to hear this Colmx.

I would not get the police involved over this amount.You were breaking the law anyway with the prostitute.
maybe i would consider confronting the guy,if you feel it's worth it to you.Like you already stated,should have confronted him,then and there.It's very easy for him to simply deny it now.
If it was me,I would try to forget it,and feel fortunate that after 11 years,that is the only amount that I had gotten ripped off.If it was a larger amount,I would have to re consider

I agree in a way with Rocket.
First, you should really only stay in a hotel or room that has a safe.
Before and I do mean before, you bring someone to your room, lock up your phone, money and passport. anything of value.
Have a great time with whoever you bring to the room and finish.
I always make it a policy to thank them, pay them and let them OUT of the room and LOCK MY door before I go take a shower.
When I decide to leave a boy out of sight, I leave them with the constant eye of my boyfreind.

As far as confronting the boy, well the money is gone. As far as the police, well the money is gone. It is NOT the bars fault but I might report it to the bar and if it is a reputable place, they may take SOME action, especially if you offed the boy from THAT BAR. If you picked him up in the Soi, well nothing there you can do.

I think the live and learn approach is going to be the ultimate here or reporting it to the bar. Just remember to keep your head cool and that it was not the bars doing. Either way, I am sure you won't get any money back. At the most the bar will let him go if he has not already quit.

Good luck

unkiebuck - since you run a gogo bar yourself, what would you want a customer to do if the boy came from your bar?
1. Do you want to know? Do you want to be told?
2. What do you consider is fair to the boy when there is no proof?
3. How do you manage the risk that it could be a totally false report by a malicious customer dissatisfied with the boy's performance*?
--
* purely hypothetical. I am not, not, not, suggesting in anyway that colmx is being malicious. He has posted on forums long enough for us to know he loves Thailand and its boys and is nothing at all like that.

[CoffeeBreak]

I am a bit surprised you did not confront the thief there and then when you discovered the missing money. But instead you gave him more money?
In any event you asked for an opinion:

Go along to the bar concerned and have a discrete word with mama san/boss of the place. See what their input is.
Whether you want to confront the boy if indeed he is working when you go to the bar depends on what the mama san or boss says.

Tell us what you decide to do.

ps: I have no doubt that he did steal from you as given half a chance most of them- for whatever reason- will do or try to do that. The secret is not to give them half a chance as you have acknowledged.

[newalaan]

In the end i gave him 1000 of the remaining 1800 that he had left in the wallet but still never accussed himColmx, sorry to hear of this incident. In my opinion the opportunity you had to confront him has gone. If it were me I would have confronted him the second you were SURE the set-aside money had gone.

I agree the principle is important but i would definitely not involve the police or the bar. What is the point of this? You have absoluely no proof and it should have been delt with at the time. I'm not sure why you decided to give him MORE money if you were certain he had stolen the Bt1400, especially if you were also sure your wallet had been moved. Faffing about making a fuss about your wallet is more showing the boy you are either unwilling(for what ever reason) to confront him or weak.

Comx, I would be interested to know why you didn't confront him and why you gave him more money as you don't explain why you took that route rather than the obvious one.

The only thing you could do in hindsight is talk to him on the quiet in the bar to let him know that you know he stole the money just to make the point that you know, but if he has done this before and is a bit of an opportunist it will probably be like water off a ducks back. Trouble with hindsight accusations is the fact of no actual proof, and no police or bar owner would or should take an accusation seriously when you did nothing about it at the time. Only in my opinion.

I can understand your bf wanting to 'sort him out' but you really need to ignore any advice from your bf, put your disappointment or anger aside and as another poster said be thankful that in 11 years it is the only time it has happened.

On a side note however, one thing that does surprise me is the amount of guys who take a wallet around with them. When going out to the bars or discos i only ever take enough money in my pocket for the evening. High notes (Bt1000/Bt500) in the left hand pocket, small notes (Bt20/50/100) in the right hand pocket. Room keys and ID are the only other items i take out with me. Back in the room I always invite the boy to shower first if it's not together and while he is in the shower transfer everything out of my pockets into the safe apart from the tip. If he steals that, it was his anyway and it would not be worth the trouble to argue about it, he simply would never see me again.

unkiebuck - since you run a gogo bar yourself, what would you want a customer to do if the boy came from your bar?
1. Do you want to know? Do you want to be told?
2. What do you consider is fair to the boy when there is no proof?
3. How do you manage the risk that it could be a totally false report by a malicious customer dissatisfied with the boy's performance*?
--
* purely hypothetical. I am not, not, not, suggesting in anyway that colmx is being malicious. He has posted on forums long enough for us to know he loves Thailand and its boys and is nothing at all like that. :santa:

Let me answer in the way you asked first.
1. Why CERTAINLY WITHOUT QUESTION I would want to be told!!
2. In that there is no proof, "I" would look at his past record. How long he has been at the bar, has he had ANY complaints etc. If he was brand new, I would dismiss him for some other reason. I would not want to wait for a second problem. Thats if the customer sounded true. It just is not worth the risk of it happening again.
If this was a sole instance, I would have a very deep talk with the boy and make sure that he understands that this would not be tolerated in my bar and if there was even a hint that something happened with another customer, he would be dismissed and we would pass the information around the area.
as far as I am concerned, I do not want to have the risk that ANY customer would tell his friends that he was ribbed off by one of my boys. It is just not worth the risk.

3. I think the above answers #3 also.

4. I would buy the customer at least one drink and apologize and offer him a second off at no charge. All to satsfy the customer.

Now that is MY bar and my bar alone. I speak for no other bar and I truly believe that while most of the bars on Soi 2 and 3 would do the same, I cannoot speak for Soi 1 but I would hope they would follow most of what I would do. Soi 1 is known for more transient boys.

I am really sorry that this happened to you and I do agree with the other poster that many boys steal and go to another bar. They dont care.

Please use my advise as before. Lock your money away in a safe, not in your shoe or under the mattress. Make sure the safe is a bolted one. When you are finished, let THEM take a shower or take one together. Dont you leave ANY boy in your room ALONE. When you are finished, thank you and good bye. I dont sleep with any because I dont want to sleep with one eye open. I am sure someone will disagree, but there you have my opinion.

Thanks

[Koh Samui Luv]

It is amazing that someone would be so fucking stupid as to bring back a boy he doesn't know to his room and leave his wallet alone in the room with him while he showers.

colmx, this is one of the dumbest things I have ever read on this forum and I noted that you even posted the same story on Gaybuttonthai as well.

After proving yourself to be nothing more than a buffoon, do you really expect me to have any sympathy for you?

OMG! OMG! OMG!

[Beachlover]

It's a shame (though understandable) you weren't in a state to think on your feet and confront the boy on the spot.

I think it's worth going back to the bar to let the manager know, not so much so he can put your case right but so it accumulates "on the boy's record" which is important if he is or is to be a serial offender. If he was throwing up with fear in your room he might crap himself when he sees you talking to the manager LOL.

Whatever the kind of hotel I'm in, whether guesthouse or five-stars, I have a few rules of thumb.

When I exit the room, anything of value goes into a locked suit case or safe, secure from cleaners, break ins and corrupt/thieving staff. This shit happens in the best of hotels. Also means it only takes me 5 mins to pack when I want to check out.

You should secure your stuff when inviting anyone back to your room in a country where there's likely a big wealth gap between you and the locals.

When I invite anyone back to my room, everything's already secured and my wallet/mobile etc. go into the safe as soon as walk in the room. That's the biggest advantage of a safe (over a locked suit case)... it's convenient to put stuff in and take it out anytime without fiddling with bags and locks.

This way, I don't worry about my belongings at all when someone else is around. In fact, I'm quite happy to leave someone alone in my room as I've often done. If they want to sleep and I want to grab breakfast or do a bit of work in the exec lounge, I just leave a note or tell them where they can find me when they wake up.

[Beachlover]

It is amazing that someone would be so fucking stupid as to bring back a boy he doesn't know to his room and leave his wallet alone in the room with him while he showers. colmx, this is one of the dumbest things I have ever read on this forum and I noted that you even posted the same story on Gaybuttonthai as well. After proving yourself to be nothing more than a buffoon, do you really expect me to have any sympathy for you? OMG! OMG! OMG!
LOL... what was that you said about my "shoot the messenger" habit?

[kittyboy]

It is amazing that someone would be so fucking stupid as to bring back a boy he doesn't know to his room and leave his wallet alone in the room with him while he showers.

colmx, this is one of the dumbest things I have ever read on this forum and I noted that you even posted the same story on Gaybuttonthai as well.

After proving yourself to be nothing more than a buffoon, do you really expect me to have any sympathy for you?

OMG! OMG! OMG!

I remember when I was a young lad of 17 and fresh out of US Navy boot camp I met a whore who offered to suck my dick for $15. Went back to the hotel room and she suggested I take a shower and get ready for some fun...FUCKING CUNT ran off with my wallet she did...Put me right off women for the rest of my life. Never could trust em..loads of therapy to even say hello to my mother.

If you have been stolen from only once in the last 11 years you are doing well mate....just a bit of bad luck.

[allieb]

It is amazing that someone would be so fucking stupid as to bring back a boy he doesn't know to his room and leave his wallet alone in the room with him while he showers.

colmx, this is one of the dumbest things I have ever read on this forum and I noted that you even posted the same story on Gaybuttonthai as well.

After proving yourself to be nothing more than a buffoon, do you really expect me to have any sympathy for you?

OMG! OMG! OMG!

Your post is a bit harsh. Don't tell me you have never been robbed because I don't believe there is a single person on this board who hasn't been robbed at some point in their gay life.

It all about the lifestyle we lead, its bound to happen. I have followed my own set of rules like most others claim. I've still let my guard down a few times and lost things.

Colmx its only 1,000 Baht over what you were going to pay. Cheap to save a confrontation with the little shit. I would have probably done the same as you. If I had seen him at my wallet I would have just chucked him out without paying the 1,000 Baht and told him "youv'e been paid,goodbye"

Be more careful next time.

Put it down to experience.

Like yourself (up till this incident) I have never had anything stolen in Thailand but I know it will probably happen at some point and I admit that I do leave items like cameras, laptops etc lying about which I probably should not do - but I really do not want to live my life constantly suspecting that everybody I bring back might be a potential thief, so on my own head be it.

What I would say to the people who are saying it was your own fault is... when you've been out all night, had a few drinks etc, you're not necessarily thinking straight. Also if you are a bit worse for wear it's probably not the best time to confront the boy - who knows how desperate he might be, you could end up stabbed or anything. I think you did the right thing by playing it cool.

Better luck next time.

:bis:

[Dani69]

Forget it - small money -put it down to experience- by the way was he a good shag ? If yes then paying double might not be too bad.

[cdnmatt]

Yep, leave it as a live & learn experience.

I've only been robbed once, and it was by a couple 12 year old (or so) kids. Every weekend they're riding their bike up & down the street collecting bottles, so I decided to be the friendly neighbor, and give them all my empties. While they were getting them all out of the house, I continued to work. The dog didn't like them much though, and kept barking, so after a while I quickly took him upstairs, and locked him into the bedroom until the kids were out.

My wallet was sitting on my desk, as it always is. They had about a total of 20 seconds alone with it, and managed to get 1000 baht out of me. I confronted them just as they were about to pedal off, and in typical Thai fashion, they gave me a smile and said "ohhh, no no, we'd never do something like that". Bullshit. I just left it there though, as I didn't want to cause a problem in the neighborhood. I still see them around, and they always give me a wai and "sawadee krap", to which I always just smile & nod, while thinking "like hell you're coming into my house ever again".

Live and learn...

unkiebuck - thank you for your reply. Sounds very balanced and reasonable to me.

[colmx]

Hi All
Thanks a lot to everyone for their contributions - both Positive and negative to this thread!
To update on the original post:

The boy in question works in Dynamite.
One of my BFs oldest Pals is one of the Managers in Dreamboys - (downstairs from Dynamite) and saw me offing the boy.

He knows both me and the boy and went to talk to him last night for a discrete word - but the boy did not come to work.
He will try again and see if the boy comes to work tomorrow.

However the boy did mention to mewhen we were together that his family were having some sort of family reunion - but he didn't have enough money to attend... so i guess he has gone there now.

Funny thing is that we have quite a few mutual friends.... so things may be awkward!

If any of his friends or the mamasan asks how the "Off" went i will just say that the boy is a "bad boy" and leave it at that...

[thonglor55]

You collaborate with pornographers yet you don't know how to deal with prostitutes?! Oh my!

[Thai Dyed]

colmx continues to be agitated over this incident which was an outgrowth of colmx's own stupidity.

colmx, forget about this. You acted stupidly and must get over it and get on with your life. Instead of wasting your time looking for vengeance over an incident which you not only staged but also made possible, try this:

Each morning for the next week upon rising, look in the mirror and repeat this line 100 times:

"I am a wretched ignoramus who shouldn't be allowed on the street alone."

[colmx]

colmx continues to be agitated over this incident which was an outgrowth of colmx's own stupidity.


Thai Dyed - I am not agitated about this incident at all nor looking for any kind of revenge!

I was simply posting an informational message as a follow up for the people that had responded earlier in the thread

Like i said i teh last line of my post "If any of his friends or the mamasan asks how the "Off" went i will just say that the boy is a "bad boy" and leave it at that..."

[colmx]

You collaborate with pornographers yet you don't know how to deal with prostitutes?! Oh my!
Who collaborates with Pornographers? Me?

[quote="colmx"]He knows both me and the boy and went to talk to him last night for a discrete word - but the boy did not come to work.
He will try again and see if the boy comes to work tomorrow.

Well certainly that is a common excuse and so are many that one could write a book.
Second, him not coming to work is a definate strike against him and I doubt he will come to work anytime in the near future. He will probably look for a new bar which is why it would be nice if we knew who we were talking about.

Finally, yes, what you did was not so itelligent, however, some people have to learn from an experience like this and hopefully you did. To the others that posted what I consider "bashing" posts against you for this, I shake my head as it is truly uncalled for. :sign3:

[allieb]

colmx continues to be agitated over this incident which was an outgrowth of colmx's own stupidity.

colmx, forget about this. You acted stupidly and must get over it and get on with your life. Instead of wasting your time looking for vengeance over an incident which you not only staged but also made possible, try this:

Each morning for the next week upon rising, look in the mirror and repeat this line 100 times:

"I am a wretched ignoramus who shouldn't be allowed on the street alone."


Oh. so you've never had anything lifted when with a boy except your shirt. ( For the non Brits shirt lifter= fag)

[Thai Dyed]

Oh. so you've never had anything lifted when with a boy except your shirt. ( For the non Brits shirt lifter= fag)

Look Mister, if I left my wallet in a room with a boy I brought back to fuck with, and then waltzed into the shower alone and later expected to find my money intact, I would seriously consider having my head examined.

And no! I have never had anything like this happen to me. I also don't let babies play with matches and I don't let wolves guard the hen house.

"colmx" is totally responsible for the outcome of this entire incident. He is lucky that nothing more was missing than a few crummy baht. If colmx is going to go to the bar where the boy works to tell the management he is "a bad boy" he should also let the bar management know that he, colmx, is a totally incompetent ninny which they may well suspect even without him saying so.

[Wesley]

Hi all
After 11 years of visiting Thailand and meeting honest boys i finally got robbed tonight

Offed a boy from a Pattayaland soi 1 bar and went with him my BF and his friends to NAB for a few hours... then i went back to room with teh boy when BF stayed in teh disco

Of course this 11 years of honest boys has me lulled into a false sense of security and i foolishly left my wallet in the room when i was in the shower
Minutes earlier (when he was in the shower) i had set aside 1400B in my wallet to give to him.
I was not drink at the time so know i didn't make a mistake

When I went to give him money my wallet was in another pocket of my jeans and the set aside money for him money had disappearred!
Of course I should have confronted him there and then but i didn't.

Instead i made a big deal of looking for the money in my wallet. In the meantime the boy went to the toilet and vomited (i presume it was vomit of guilt and not form being with me!). In the end i gave him the 1000 of the remaining 1800 that he had left in the wallet but still never accussed him

Anyway - the point of this whole thread is to ask the users here what they would do in this situation?
I know that it was a small amount that he took - but i guess the principle is still the same

BF wants to go have it out with the guy in his bar tomorrow

Friend of BF wants me to bring the police to the boys bar tomorrow to confront him - but of course i have no proof that he stole the money - only thing i have is the certainty that he took it

My inclination is to let things be... but then if he gets away with it this time... what might he do next time...

Opinions?


NO BIG DEAL , BUT NEVER TRICK WITH HIM AGAIN, HE LSOT A GOOD NUSTOMER, YOU WILL GET OVER THE 1400.

[giggsy]

Thai Dyed - I am not agitated about this incident at all nor looking for any kind of revenge!

I was simply posting an informational message as a follow up for the people that had responded earlier in the thread

Like i said i the last line of my post "If any of his friends or the mamasan asks how the "Off" went i will just say that the boy is a "bad boy" and leave it at that..."
Thanks for the info colmx. To me this is what these message boards should be about.Gay people sharing information about Thailand good or bad.Its also reassuring to know that Mark from Krazy Dragon and unkiebuck from Happy Place would like to know about it even if they do nothing this time if it happened in future they could take action.

Look Mister, if I left my wallet in a room with a boy I brought back to fuck with, and then waltzed into the shower alone and later expected to find my money intact, I would seriously consider having my head examined.

And no! I have never had anything like this happen to me. I also don't let babies play with matches and I don't let wolves guard the hen house.

"colmx" is totally responsible for the outcome of this entire incident. He is lucky that nothing more was missing than a few crummy baht. If colmx is going to go to the bar where the boy works to tell the management he is "a bad boy" he should also let the bar management know that he, colmx, is a totally incompetent ninny which they may well suspect even without him saying so.

It must be wonderful to be perfect like you Thai Dyed, and never to have made a mistake or an error of judgement.

As I am only 98% of the way there, I would welcome your advice on how to rise to the Ultimate - as you clearly have.

Although I realise I am not worthy, I beg you to enlighten me Oh Great One.

:notworthy: :notworthy: :notworthy: :notworthy: :notworthy:

[Thai Dyed]

[quote="Thai Dyed":32rmtfxh]

Look Mister, if I left my wallet in a room with a boy I brought back to fuck with, and then waltzed into the shower alone and later expected to find my money intact, I would seriously consider having my head examined.

And no! I have never had anything like this happen to me. I also don't let babies play with matches and I don't let wolves guard the hen house.

"colmx" is totally responsible for the outcome of this entire incident. He is lucky that nothing more was missing than a few crummy baht. If colmx is going to go to the bar where the boy works to tell the management he is "a bad boy" he should also let the bar management know that he, colmx, is a totally incompetent ninny which they may well suspect even without him saying so.

It must be wonderful to be perfect like you Thai Dyed, and never to have made a mistake or an error of judgement.

[/quote:32rmtfxh]

What? You think I am so stupid as to let babies play with matches and let wolves guard the hen house? Even a complete imbecile knows better that to leave strangers alone with his valuables. See? It's that simple. I suspect it takes someone with the intelligence level of a five year old to figure that out. But there we are!

I'm beginning to think you have difficulty reading scottish-guy, or at least have serious problems in figuring out the meaning of the words you see. In another thread I commented on how you obviously couldn't make it through a single sentence.

But I still harbour no ill will toward you. I was brought up to take pity on the retarded, and I continue to take that charge seriously.

[allieb]

[quote="scottish-guy":dejh4viz][quote="Thai Dyed":dejh4viz]

Look Mister, if I left my wallet in a room with a boy I brought back to fuck with, and then waltzed into the shower alone and later expected to find my money intact, I would seriously consider having my head examined.

And no! I have never had anything like this happen to me. I also don't let babies play with matches and I don't let wolves guard the hen house.

"colmx" is totally responsible for the outcome of this entire incident. He is lucky that nothing more was missing than a few crummy baht. If colmx is going to go to the bar where the boy works to tell the management he is "a bad boy" he should also let the bar management know that he, colmx, is a totally incompetent ninny which they may well suspect even without him saying so.

It must be wonderful to be perfect like you Thai Dyed, and never to have made a mistake or an error of judgement.



[/quote:dejh4viz]

What? You think I am so stupid as to let babies play with matches and let wolves guard the hen house? Even a complete imbecile knows better that to leave strangers alone with his valuables. See? It's that simple. I suspect it takes someone with the intelligence level of a five year old to figure that out. But there we are!

I'm beginning to think you have difficulty reading scottish-guy, or at least have serious problems in figuring out the meaning of the words you see. In another thread I commented on how you obviously couldn't make it through a single sentence.

But I still harbour no ill will toward you. I was brought up to take pity on the retarded, and I continue to take that charge seriously.[/quote:dejh4viz]


With an attitude like yours I think I am begining to see why youv'e never been robbed. I bet it's because nobody ever goes home with you.

[jimnbkk]

I've been robbed by somebody that I trusted. I knew he was on yaba, but foolishly still trusted him. Over the past couple of trips I seemed to be spending more than usual, and I couldn't figure it out. Then, one day I had put two 1000 baht notes in my wallet in anticipation of going out. Coming out of the toilet, with the boy in the room, I picked up my wallet and saw only one note in it. Of course I confronted him. He tearfully denied it. I threw him out. (But, I let him in later again. The expression "Too soon old, too late smart" was invented thinking of me I'm sure.)

Here's the problem with these bar boys: They steal from each other. They tell lies to each other. These kids have absolutely no morals when it comes to this sort of thing. We should not expect anything different in the way they treat us. :violent1:

Here's the problem with these bar boys: They steal from each other. They tell lies to each other. These kids have absolutely no morals when it comes to this sort of thing.

This has not been my experience - I don't mean being stolen from (although that hasn't happened either) - I mean it seems to me that their friends are very important to them (as it is with all young people) and they are extremely loath to upset or cheat friends - in fact I have observed that they routinely share food and loan money and goods to each other. I think the philospohy is that one night stand farangs come and go but friends are more important.

:dontknow: :dontknow:

[Patexpat]

Here's the problem with these bar boys: They steal from each other. They tell lies to each other. These kids have absolutely no morals when it comes to this sort of thing.

This has not been my experience - I don't mean being stolen from (although that hasn't happened either) - I mean it seems to me that their friends are very important to them (as it is with all young people) and they are extremely loath to upset or cheat friends - in fact I have observed that they routinely share food and loan money and goods to each other. I think the philospohy is that one night stand farangs come and go but friends are more important.

:dontknow: :dontknow:

sadly I can think of half a dozen cases without even trying where a Thai boy has ripped off a 'friend' - latest was only last week, and my own bf came home to his room a few years ago to find it cleaned out by his 'friend' - TV, fridge, the lot! Many Thai friendships are easy come, easy go ...

[cdnmatt]

in fact I have observed that they routinely share food and loan money and goods to each other.

They don't do that because they're good friends helping each other out, as we'd think of it. They do that because they're Thai and Buddhist. It's basically expected & required of you to share. If you don't, you get shunned, and have no friends or social circle at all.

Don't think they're great friends because they share food together though. They do that because it's their societal and cultural obligation. Same as sending money home to mama. That's also why it's pretty rare to see people sleeping in the street in Thailand, for example. Whereas in Europe or North America, they're all over the place. Thais take care of their own.

Although, it can get quite aggravating living with Thais because of this though. I can't even leave shitty 5 baht sticks of luchin in the fridge for the dog, because someone will eat it, let alone actual good food. That's just how it works though. I have a neighbor moving back to Europe shortly, so I might just rent his house too, and have two them. One for Kim and friends, and one for Kim, myself, the dog, and my friends. Hell, it's only 9500 baht/month for both houses, and I can barely rent a parking stall in Canada for that, so what the hell.


Many Thai friendships are easy come, easy go ...

Yeah, I've noticed the same. I'd say us Westerners put far more value on friendship than the average Thai does. But the average Thai seems to have many more friends as well. Seems like every Thai person has a good 100 friends, whereas the average Westerner probably only has a handful.

[Thai Dyed]

in fact I have observed that they routinely share food and loan money and goods to each other.

They don't do that because they're good friends helping each other out, as we'd think of it. They do that because they're Thai and Buddhist. It's basically expected & required of you to share. If you don't, you get shunned, and have no friends or social circle at all.

Don't think they're great friends because they share food together though. They do that because it's their societal and cultural obligation. Same as sending money home to mama. That's also why it's pretty rare to see people sleeping in the street in Thailand, for example. Whereas in Europe or North America, they're all over the place. Thais take care of their own.

Although, it can get quite aggravating living with Thais because of this though. I can't even leave shitty 5 baht sticks of luchin in the fridge for the dog, because someone will eat it, let alone actual good food. That's just how it works though. I have a neighbor moving back to Europe shortly, so I might just rent his house too, and have two them. One for Kim and friends, and one for Kim, myself, the dog, and my friends. Hell, it's only 9500 baht/month for both houses, and I can barely rent a parking stall in Canada for that, so what the hell.


Many Thai friendships are easy come, easy go ...

Yeah, I've noticed the same. I'd say us Westerners put far more value on friendship than the average Thai does. But the average Thai seems to have many more friends as well. Seems like every Thai person has a good 100 friends, whereas the average Westerner probably only has a handful.

Perfect Matt! You've captured it perfectly.

@cdnmatt: Being the gay man in the neighborhood, If I were you I would NEVER NEVER NEVER EVER have any local children in your house. Thai people LOVE to gossip and trust me they monitor your actions and they talk about you all the time. They already think most foreigners are here for sex any way... "Did you hear that the gay man had a few young boys in his house?" Let the wild accusations fly.

Be friendly but don't be foolish, good advice.

ajarntrade

[pong]

[quote="cdnmatt Seems like every Thai person has a good 100 friends, whereas the average Westerner probably only has a handful.[/quote]
The Thai have simple words for different type of friends. ""for food and/or drink'', ''for pleasure'', and ''real=tae'' friends. The latter are quite rare (ask Kim)-probably even more rare as in the west. Also a ''pheuan'' is quite different from a ''faen''.

Patexpat & Thai Dyed:

I accept what you say - my limited experience has (so far) been otherwise and limited purely to observation which can be deceptive I guess - so I accept what you say.

:occasion9:

[newalaan]

Cdnmatt, you are in a unique situation living as you do in Issan full time to make observations that it takes us visitors a good while to pick up on with local Thais. Many of these I have experienced myself in my frequent trips to Issan or when i live with my bf 24/7 when in Thailand. And as usual your observations are spot on.

They don't do that because they're good friends helping each other out, as we'd think of it. They do that because they're Thai and Buddhist. It's basically expected & required of you to share. If you don't, you get shunned, and have no friends or social circle at all.Don't think they're great friends because they share food together though. They do that because it's their societal and cultural obligation. Same as sending money home to mamaIt's incredible just how ingrained this is in Thailand.It takes many visits or full time living to REALLY appreciate this.Although to me, some of it is quite cynical though.

My bf used to made sure one of the room maids at the 'resort' we sometimes stayed in near his village always received a tip, not much, but he always went out of his way to find her, something he would'nt normally do. I would ask if she was part of the extented family or a friend, but no he told me you just do that in Thailand because your good karma will come back to you. Sure enough the very next day, she handed him a small plastic bag of karma with 4 mangos. I enquired if he had asked for them. No she just gave. Later when we were eating them it transpired from another family member that she has the best garden for sweet mangos in the area! My bf just smiled sheepily. Of course she had been singled out, but the concept was tight. She had the 20 bahts, he had the most delicious mangos i had ever tasted. Good karma, good bt20 and good magoes. Win-Win. If i hadn't specifically brought it up this would have gone on around me, and obviously does and i am/would be 'none the wiser'.


Although, it can get quite aggravating living with Thais because of this though. I can't even leave shitty 5 baht sticks of luchin in the fridge for the dog, because someone will eat it,This is something which after a decade of visiting STILL can sometimes bug the life out of me. Mostly it actually doesn't bother me to be honest as when I'm travelling around with my bf its not an issue, and now that i've been to Thailand so many times i'm fine with it. But when i live in his village its a free for all attitute. But not in a deliberate property theft way, just in a sharing what you have, by it being offered or simply by taking what you fancy kind-of-way.

Someone arrives with a bag of fruit, everybody eats. I sometimes take ham or cured meat when i live in the 'sticks' because i get tired of the bland near raw meat on offer everyday. They all tell me they think my farang food is crap, "too much salt!" which it has, but anything in the large family fridge, for which about 20 peolpe have access, is gone if i dont eat it within a day or two. And strangely i NEVER get to find out who! To ask or try to find out the 'culprit' is a big no-no, very unthai, complete and utter loss of face! So this 'greng-jai' attitude lets many 'off the hook', something I still can't get comfortable with.


Yeah, I've noticed the same. I'd say us Westerners put far more value on friendship than the average Thai does. But the average Thai seems to have many more friends as well. Seems like every Thai person has a good 100 friends, whereas the average Westerner probably only has a handful.When i first started coming to Thailand it took ages to work out that they call just about everybody they know as a 'friend', not realising what they call a "friend" we would consider more a passing aquantance. The amount of boys who have told me, he is a friend, how long have you known him? met him yesterday! And also thats why the mobile phone money disappears so quickly, they just talk to so many 'friends', and when somebody has a good bit of luck,these friends appear from every corner.


Here's the problem with these bar boys: They steal from each other. They tell lies to each other. These kids have absolutely no morals when it comes to this sort of thing.Unless they are particularly close friends that is very true, a close friend however is more usually referred to a "a brother". In my experience and from what i have learned from the boys over the years this happens on virtually a daily basis. I have lost count of the amount of boys i have known whose 'friends' have stolen from them. I know this is an old chestnut, but the jokes about bar boys always trying to get a mobile phone from the farang, i firmly believe its because about 50% of the lost and missing ones are stolen by friends. One boy i know years ago met a friend in his hometown he hadn't seen in more than a year, this friend had landed up in Udon and contacted him for a bed for the night. No problem "he my friend" even though he hadn't seen him for more than a year.In the morning very early, both friend and his mobile phone gone! ME:"Why would your friend do that to you?" HIM: "I dont know, He must have been desperate and needed it more than me before he resorted to doing that, nevermind its ok". All i could do was scratch my head.

This would be almost normal in most places in Thailand, but in Pattaya and among bar-workers it will be worse because of the transient nature of ones "friends"in that environment. In certain circumstances farang would also be considered 'fair game'.

[Beachlover]

Don't tell me you have never been robbed because I don't believe there is a single person on this board who hasn't been robbed at some point in their gay life.
Actually, I've got to be honest. I can't think of a single instance I've been stolen from off the top of my head. Maybe it'll come to me later, but can't think of it right now. I am fairly cautious with security though and I haven't been around as long.


I have never had anything stolen in Thailand but I know it will probably happen at some point and I admit that I do leave items like cameras, laptops etc lying about which I probably should not do - but I really do not want to live my life constantly suspecting that everybody I bring back might be a potential thief, so on my own head be it.
I'm sort of like the opposite. I keep everything secured away in my room so I just don't worry about it at all... so much so, I've no problem leaving my guest along in my room if he's sleeping and I want to go out.


colmx, forget about this. You acted stupidly and must get over it and get on with your life.
Colmx admitted he made a mistake. Why the f*ck do you need to keep attacking him, calling him an idiot and generally being an arsehole?

Thai Dyed... you're a psychotic lunatic of a f*ckstick. You're more worked up about this incident than colmx is.



You collaborate with pornographers yet you don't know how to deal with prostitutes?! Oh my!
Who collaborates with Pornographers? Me?
thonglor55 (formerly known as homintern) has you mixed up with cdnmatt. He's already old and bald. Now he's getting senile and stupid.

[cdnmatt]

@cdnmatt: Being the gay man in the neighborhood, If I were you I would NEVER NEVER NEVER EVER have any local children in your house. Thai people LOVE to gossip and trust me they monitor your actions and they talk about you all the time.

Nah, don't worry, it's fine. They're my neighbors, and aside from one bitchy wife, are all great people. Trust me, nobody thinks I'm some child molester. That, and everyone knows I'm with Kim, and Kim only, plus they see the family coming in & out all the time, etc. So I can get some extra respect for that, especially with the family coming here often. That's the important one, and pretty much makes me off limits to be looked down upon or criticized.

Besides, those kids are never stepping foot in my house again. Too bad for them too, because I drink lots of beer, and have lots of parties here. :-)


The Thai have simple words for different type of friends. ""for food and/or drink'', ''for pleasure'', and ''real=tae'' friends. The latter are quite rare (ask Kim)-probably even more rare as in the west. Also a ''pheuan'' is quite different from a ''faen''.

I just simply don't believe they view friendship the same way we do, or at least not in Issan. Maybe Bangkok is different. For example, there's 8 people downstairs right now, they've all known each other for years, and I can almost guarantee they don't know a huge amount of depth about each other. They'll know the basics, but it's not like they sit around and have a bunch of worldly and heart-to-heart conversations with each other, like I do with my friends. It's just how it works here.

Oh, and "phuean" is friend, whereas "faen" is lover.

[Beachlover]

That doesn't sound overly different from the West... We have friends who are very close and we open up to (although I personally never really open up completely)... friends who are close but we don't open up to so much... and then acquaintances we catch up with every now and then or do stuff with mutual friends. Except, we verbally distinguish between friends and acquaintances instead of calling them all friends.

[giggsy]

That doesn't sound overly different from the West... We have friends who are very close and we open up to (although I personally never really open up completely)... friends who are close but we don't open up to so much... and then acquaintances we catch up with every now and then or do stuff with mutual friends. Except, we verbally distinguish between friends and acquaintances instead of calling them all friends.

Who is this "WE"...Here am I secretly hoping that one day we will get together and there you are with all and sundry..You have really let me down Beachy. I will have to start stalking Scotty now. If he gets a decent avitar that is.

I'm a bit amazed about the fact that the OP left his "BF" in the disco and went to his room with another boy And that another poster takes a shower after he let the boy out of his room OR is assured that his "BF" keeps an eye on the invitee while the poster is taking a shower.

Obviously nobody is really bothered about this and is far more concerned about a louzy THB 1400; well not really the money but more the principle.........talking about principles!

Of course the obvious response will be: "But my "BF" totally agrees" which means that he is happy that someone else will take the opportunity of having sex with you OR you "BF" doesn't dare to complain, afraid of being kicked out.

I know that Thais have a different meaning of the expression 'love', but some people here share a different meaning of "BF" (read: boyfriend)

[allieb]

I'm a bit amazed about the fact that the OP left his "BF" in the disco and went to his room with another boy And that another poster takes a shower after he let the boy out of his room OR is assured that his "BF" keeps an eye on the invitee while the poster is taking a shower.

Obviously nobody is really bothered about this and is far more concerned about a louzy THB 1400; well not really the money but more the principle.........talking about principles!

Of course the obvious response will be: "But my "BF" totally agrees" which means that he is happy that someone else will take the opportunity of having sex with you OR you "BF" doesn't dare to complain, afraid of being kicked out.

I know that Thais have a different meaning of the expression 'love', but some people here share a different meaning of "BF" (read: boyfriend)

Most people on this forum seem to have a different definintion of BF Boyfriend

BF =
Regular Off from a whorehouse
Ex bar boy who has quit the profession, is now boyfriend and very respectable
Not picked up in a go go bar but still has to be paid or supported anyway

Love doesn't often come in to it from the Thai side. The word love is all part of the game. As we have read on other posts their friendships are rather shallow.

I would be interested to know how many posters have a boyfriend who doesn't fit one of the above 3 descriptions.

[Beachlover]

Who is this "WE"...Here am I secretly hoping that one day we will get together and there you are with all and sundry..You have really let me down Beachy. I will have to start stalking Scotty now. If he gets a decent avitar that is.
Giggsy... If we're going to have a date you have to buy all my buddies dinner and drinks first so I gain some face. :happy7:

(I meant "we" as in "we who live in Western countries").

[Beachlover]

BF =
Regular Off from a whorehouse
Ex bar boy who has quit the profession, is now boyfriend and very respectable
Not picked up in a go go bar but still has to be paid or supported anyway

Love doesn't often come in to it from the Thai side. The word love is all part of the game. As we have read on other posts their friendships are rather shallow.
I think it mainly refers to varying types of prostitute relationships...

There are plenty of entirely genuine relationships with Thai boys out there.

[allieb]

BF =
Regular Off from a whorehouse
Ex bar boy who has quit the profession, is now boyfriend and very respectable
Not picked up in a go go bar but still has to be paid or supported anyway

Love doesn't often come in to it from the Thai side. The word love is all part of the game. As we have read on other posts their friendships are rather shallow.
I think it mainly refers to varying types of prostitute relationships...

There are plenty of entirely genuine relationships with Thai boys out there.

I'm sure there are but again how many posters here have a genuine relationship with a Thai boy who hasn't been a money boy (prostitute) in the past

[Wesley]

Hi all
After 11 years of visiting Thailand and meeting honest boys i finally got robbed tonight

Offed a boy from a Pattayaland soi 1 bar and went with him my BF and his friends to NAB for a few hours... then i went back to room with teh boy when BF stayed in teh disco

Of course this 11 years of honest boys has me lulled into a false sense of security and i foolishly left my wallet in the room when i was in the shower
Minutes earlier (when he was in the shower) i had set aside 1400B in my wallet to give to him.
I was not drink at the time so know i didn't make a mistake

When I went to give him money my wallet was in another pocket of my jeans and the set aside money for him money had disappearred!
Of course I should have confronted him there and then but i didn't.

Instead i made a big deal of looking for the money in my wallet. In the meantime the boy went to the toilet and vomited (i presume it was vomit of guilt and not form being with me!). In the end i gave him the 1000 of the remaining 1800 that he had left in the wallet but still never accussed him

Anyway - the point of this whole thread is to ask the users here what they would do in this situation?
I know that it was a small amount that he took - but i guess the principle is still the same

BF wants to go have it out with the guy in his bar tomorrow

Friend of BF wants me to bring the police to the boys bar tomorrow to confront him - but of course i have no proof that he stole the money - only thing i have is the certainty that he took it

My inclination is to let things be... but then if he gets away with it this time... what might he do next time...

Opinions?


NO BIG DEAL , BUT NEVER TRICK WITH HIM AGAIN, HE LSOT A GOOD NUSTOMER, YOU WILL GET OVER THE 1400.


My dear friend Smiles reminded me that caps locked on message boards and emails may be considered shouting at you. Please accept my sincere apologies. I had double cataract surgery. one eye healed fine the other still gets infected when it gets to dry and the other healed more than they thought and the lens needs to be changed on my glasses. There are days when the old body just wont' work like it use to. I never could type worth a shit and this doesn't help. However, please Keep in mind it was not shouting, it was poor spelling and even worse writing;please accept my deepest apologies if I offended

[Beachlover]

Wes... Why don't you just increase the text size in your web browser?

Easiest way to do this in any browser is hold down "Ctrl" and on your mouse use the scroll wheel to zoom in and out. All the text will get bigger.

Otherwise, Internet Explorer or Firefox this option should be under "View" or "options"... in Chrome it's "zoom" under the options menu.

I use the zoom to read easier sometimes when I'm sitting on my bed watching TV and typing stuff on my monitor which is a few metres away.