Dodger
March 21st, 2010, 21:12
Shortly after returning home from my holiday last November I received a call from Thep informing me that he was going to return to Pattaya. He said that he wanted to attend an Isaan concert with friends and would only stay a few days after the concert before returning to his home in Si Saket. This announcement - coming right on the heels of another one of our falling-outs which occurred near the end of that holiday тАУand was no real surprise to me. Nor was it a surprise when he decided to extend his stay in Pattaya and ended up hanging with his working (yaba) friends back at the gogo bar. This scenario is really not unique in our relationship, as this has pretty much been the routine for years: We live together when IтАЩm in LOS тАУ he has this emotional calamity always near the end of my holiday тАУ we start fighting тАУ we part ways тАУ I come home тАУ he stays in PTY for a month or so тАУ goes home тАУ makes amends to family тАУ makes amends to me тАУ and the process starts all over again in perfect chronological order.
This past episode was a bit different seeing as we were just married in early November. His parents hosted a ceremony which included 300 attendees тАУ meaning the entire bloody village. This, being the proudest moment in their lives, also served as a platform for which ThepтАЩs family was viewed on a very high and brightly lit stage for all to see, as they stood proudly in front of their magnificent new home тАУ with the original home, being nothing more than an old rice storage shack standing in the shadows as a grim reminder of the tough life and sacrifices made by a family merely struggling to survive.
As always, I stopped communicating with Thep after telling him that he was just fu*king ting tong тАУ and went about focusing on my busy work back here in the U.S. Five weeks passed which marked the longest period that we had not spoke to each other and I was becoming convinced that this chapter in my life was coming to a close.
His call came at 5:00 AM Chicago time (5:00 PM LOS), and after a very long period of silence I heard his voice. After being with him for nearly 6 years IтАЩve witnessed the full scope of his acting talents and was posed to be entertained again. First came the crying: Something he knows gets to me every time. Then more long pauses - then more crying. This went on for the next 10 minutes, and honestly I hadnтАЩt the foggiest idea what he was trying to say to me. Then it dawned on me that something had happened to him. I understood the part about him being afraid to call me (and his family) and just staying longer and longer in PTY making things worse for himself. But that wasnтАЩt the problem or the source of his hysteria at the moment. Something else was wrong.
Apparently, he woke up that morning and had lost the feeling in half his face. He said he couldnтАЩt feel anything and couldnтАЩt even close his one eye. He was definitely freaking out. He said all his friends were also freaking out and thought that maybe he suffered a stroke in the night causing this condition. He was afraid to call his mom, afraid to call me, and didnтАЩt know what to do. If any readers here are thinking that this was just another manipulative Thai boy ploy to get money, which would be the logical deduction here, youтАЩre on the wrong track. Thep has enough money in the bank to carry him a year or more on his own if need be. Maniac as he is, if he had a degree heтАЩd be in the banking business for sure.
I decided to put my anger on the side-lines and talked to him slowly and calmly. I advised him to go to the emergency room at the Pattaya-Bangkok Hospital and call me from there. He was familiar with this hospital because that is where he camped out with me several years ago when I received surgery for a hernia. After hanging up the phone I immediately called one of my late fatherтАЩs friends whoтАЩs a doctor and described Theps condition to him. Holding my breath waiting for his response, he told me that it sounded like Thep may be suffering from Bells Palsy, which is a temporary paralysis тАУ cause unknown. He went on to say that this is rare in the West, although more frequently reported in Asian countries, and more commonly affecting the young people. He said that that the bad news is that it can take anywhere from 2 to 10 weeks to go away, although the good news being that it almost always goes away, if in fact Bells Palsy is what Thep had.
Six hours later Thep calls me again. Holding my breath again in fear of hearing something really bad, he told me that after running a blood test and completing their examination, the doctor informed him that he was probably suffering from Bells Palsy. I breathed a sigh of relieve and stayed on the phone with him for nearly an hour.
8 o-clock the next morning (LOS time) Thep was on a bus back home. Not only did he have to face his family after running away to Pattaya after his wedding ceremony, he had to face them with only half of a functional face. This resulted in all the family elders flocking around тАУ poking at his face тАУ and then sitting around talking about what they thought was wrong with him. Evan after Thep informed them of what the doctor in Pattaya had told him, and what my doctor friend told me on this end; they were still convinced that he had to go see the monks immediately.
Nearly two months has passed since this episode. After 4 weeks Thep started to regain some feeling in his face тАУ and after 7 weeks his paralysis had completely disappeared just as the doctors had predicted. He did suffer a minor eye infection during that period which was easily remedied with prescription eye drops. All-in-all, the doctors were right, although it doesnтАЩt stop there.
The family elders, who by-the-way, carry an enormous amount of influence in remote villages like this, were (are) convinced that ThepтАЩs condition was the result of his wrong doings, and that he lost half of his face by being two-faced, and only regained the feeling in his half-face when he returned home and received the blessings and consoling from the village monks. WhatтАЩs really interesting (if not humorous) about this, is that Thep believes this himself. Believe me, I was tempted at this point to go along with this charade, thinking it may be the best way to keep that little maniac in tow, although decided that that tactic would not be in his best interest.
I have talked to him many times since, explaining Bells Palsy in as much detail as I possibly can, and telling him that to ignore the reality of this medical condition was just falling to old superstition, something he needs to be aware of, not only involving this situation тАУ but in all situations he will encounter in his life time. I also reminded him of the time when our home was finally completed and the very same family elders saw it for the first time after the polarized glass was installed in the windows. A flock of them would stand in front of the house just staring at the pitch black glass as it appeared on the outside тАУ then they would walk into the house and stare through the glass from the inside where it appeared perfectly clear. Then, after a murmur of oooтАЩs and ahaaaтАЩs, they would dash out of the house and stare at the pitch black glass again as if it were magic. This is the type of people IтАЩm talking about here..555.
Regardless of what Thep really thinks and feels inside, he has regained his footing again and couldnтАЩt sound any happier on the phone. His amends have been made to his family and me as well. Life is finally back to normal and he seems content waking with the chickens, helping his mom cook meals for the family and farm workers, making his fake silk flowers and watching his soap operas again.
Sitting here in my office in Chicago surrounded by computers, scanners and flashing phone lights, the wedding ceremony I experienced back in that remote village just 4 months ago seems like no more than a dream. I remember walking slowly up-and-down the village sois with about 8 guys walking behind me beating drums of various shapes and sizes, a dozen women positioned in front of me dancing in traditional Isaan folk style with painted faces, and an older women walking next to me holding an umbrella over my head to shield me from the scorching heat. I was dressed in a white silk wedding suit complete with red and gold colored sash making make feel like Frazier Thomas on Garfield Goose walking to his own funeral. The center piece of this strange procession was one of ThepтАЩs grandfathers who was drunk on his ass. He took turns dancing with the women in the front of the procession тАУ and then staggered to the rear and started beating on the guyтАЩs drums. His face was completely covered with power and he had blood-red die dripping from his lips from some sort of berry the women use for makeup. Between the dancing women, the beating drums, the scorching heat, and pops twirling around in front of me looking like some sort of deranged cult freak тАУ I felt like I was on acid.
Finally, the procession made its final bend in the road, and there in front of our new home stood a few hundred people with Theps mom and dad standing at the front door. Having spent the previous night in a nearby hotel, I hadnтАЩt seen Thep for nearly 24 hours, as dictated by Thai tradition. I felt like I was about to pass out from the heat and was very relieved to feel to coolness once entering the house. The lower level was adorned with flowers and decorations, and in the center of the large room sat a series of three small tables, kneeling pads, pillows and a beautiful floral arrangement which was constructed by Ploi who is one of ThepтАЩs many cousins тАУ and one of my favorite persons as well.
Thep then emerged from the rear of the house shouldered by a group of the elders, and I almost lost my breath. I know that many (or most) of you donтАЩt like ladyboys so I know this part will have you gagging, but thatтАЩs your problem, not mine, but he (she), at that moment in time, was the most beautiful creature on this planet. He was dressed in a floor-length white colored silk gown with gold trim, including very ornate looking gold bracelets and head piece. He stood straight as an arrow with a smile that would dim the galaxies. This was his day. Yes, it was a day when his mother and father would receive great merit from all, and I was enjoying it myself, but in all reality, this moment was for him.
The ceremony itself, for anyone who may be interested (I can hear some of you grumbling now) lasted about 2 hours. First, after Thep had disappeared from sight, I was led up the stairs by one of ThepтАЩs grandmothers to the second level of the home. There stood Thep with two men from the village, each holding onto one of Theps arms in a very firm and controlling manner with ThepтАЩs hands bound together with a rope. ThepтАЩs sister Phot was standing there to meet me and instrucked me in English that I had to fight to free her. Well, coming from Chicago I thought it may be effective to just kick one guy in his balls and tie the rope around the other guys neck and just strangle him, although thought this might be a little disruptive to the guestsтАж555. Seriously, understanding the symbolism here, I just reached out and grabbed Thep by his forearms and pulled him firmly towards me. Both men broke their grips and then started patting me on the back.
Thep and I were then led downstairs and positioned in a kneeling position (ouch) in front of the 3 small tables across from 3 ministers who performed the ceremony. Only the immediate family was permitted inside the house who positioned themselves around us in a circle. Everyone else remained outside and were already busy enjoying the food and drink under the canopies that ThepтАЩs father and his friends had constructed in preparation for the wedding. The young children seemed to have the most fun as they peered inside the window - giggling as if they had never seen Frazier Thomas before.
The next hour is a bit of a blur, partially because of the fact that my blood circulation was completely cut off having to kneel on that rock-hard tiled surface, coupled with the fact that I had absolutely no idea what they what anyone was saying. Phot sat directly behind me and tapped on my back every time I was supposed to bow and giggled every time I did something stupid. Like the part where a young girl walked up next to me and tried to stick a rotten looking brown colored egg in my mouth and I grimaced and turned my head. After a bit of reluctance with all the children giggling at their window posts, bit one half of the egg off and swallowed it with courage. The girl then placed the other half in ThepтАЩs mouth which he devoured which much less resistance.
Yes, for those interested, they do toss rice at Thai weddings, only do it when youтАЩre in the sitting position during various points of the ceremony, and do it in a gentle fashion. Not those line-drive blasts in in eyes like weare accustomed to seeing in the West. Finally, after the numbness in my legs was starting to creep up to my head, we exchanged rings and kissed to seal the deal. The kissing part created a rash of giggles from the children, and Thep and his mom both had little streams of water flowing from the corners of their eyes. I was too dam numb to get emotional and couldnтАЩt wait to stand up again and take a drink of something to get that rotten egg crap out of my mouth.
Finally on my feet again with people chattering all around me, ThepтАЩs grandmother walked up to Thep and I and began tying our wrists together with the same rope that was used to bind ThepтАЩs hands together earlier in the ceremony. She then led us upstairs again, only this time walked us over to the edge of the bed (the only piece of furniture there at the time) and pushed us down on the bed. We just sat there next to each other as his grandmother untied the rope, smiled, and walked away. No, we were not expected to do the wild thing at this point, although I was contemplating it. In actuality, this represented the ways things are done when a wedding is held at the home of the parents, where the married couple are then led to their place of residence by the family membes (with their hands still bound) and left alone for sometimes as much as 5 days to solidify their vows. Seeing as our home is shared between ThepтАЩs mother and father, with them residing on the lower level and us on the second level, this process was simply symbolic.
Lastly came the string tying part of the ceremony, which Thep and I have become accustomed to.
Two years prior to this wedding we experienced a pee tee pukseo (sp?) ceremony which is considered to have a similar meaning as a marriage and concludes with a similar string tying process. The difference this time is that the string bearers gave money as gifts. At one point I glanced over at Thep and saidтАжтАЭwell, I guess I finally get that new Yamaha motorbike I wanted,тАЭтАжand he giggled and saidтАжтАЭI am boss of money now тАУ you can have my old motorbike.тАЭ I respondedтАжтАЭyouтАЩve been robbing me blind for 5 years now you little asshole and IтАЩm getting a new motorbike out of this deal.тАЭ He respondedтАжтАЭ(laughing his ass off)тАжyou cannot say that in here.тАЭ
My next adventure begins in just 12 days, and as always, IтАЩm consumed with a mixture of excitement and anxieties. I have the choice of having Thep and his family meet me at the airport as always, or stick to Plan B тАУ which involves me tossing in the hay with a big-docked green-eyed boy from Chiang Mai. I think I will stick to Plan A and see Thep at the airport while I can still feel both sides of my own faceтАж(as I chuckleтАжbut a mindful chuckle).
Mai pen rai
This past episode was a bit different seeing as we were just married in early November. His parents hosted a ceremony which included 300 attendees тАУ meaning the entire bloody village. This, being the proudest moment in their lives, also served as a platform for which ThepтАЩs family was viewed on a very high and brightly lit stage for all to see, as they stood proudly in front of their magnificent new home тАУ with the original home, being nothing more than an old rice storage shack standing in the shadows as a grim reminder of the tough life and sacrifices made by a family merely struggling to survive.
As always, I stopped communicating with Thep after telling him that he was just fu*king ting tong тАУ and went about focusing on my busy work back here in the U.S. Five weeks passed which marked the longest period that we had not spoke to each other and I was becoming convinced that this chapter in my life was coming to a close.
His call came at 5:00 AM Chicago time (5:00 PM LOS), and after a very long period of silence I heard his voice. After being with him for nearly 6 years IтАЩve witnessed the full scope of his acting talents and was posed to be entertained again. First came the crying: Something he knows gets to me every time. Then more long pauses - then more crying. This went on for the next 10 minutes, and honestly I hadnтАЩt the foggiest idea what he was trying to say to me. Then it dawned on me that something had happened to him. I understood the part about him being afraid to call me (and his family) and just staying longer and longer in PTY making things worse for himself. But that wasnтАЩt the problem or the source of his hysteria at the moment. Something else was wrong.
Apparently, he woke up that morning and had lost the feeling in half his face. He said he couldnтАЩt feel anything and couldnтАЩt even close his one eye. He was definitely freaking out. He said all his friends were also freaking out and thought that maybe he suffered a stroke in the night causing this condition. He was afraid to call his mom, afraid to call me, and didnтАЩt know what to do. If any readers here are thinking that this was just another manipulative Thai boy ploy to get money, which would be the logical deduction here, youтАЩre on the wrong track. Thep has enough money in the bank to carry him a year or more on his own if need be. Maniac as he is, if he had a degree heтАЩd be in the banking business for sure.
I decided to put my anger on the side-lines and talked to him slowly and calmly. I advised him to go to the emergency room at the Pattaya-Bangkok Hospital and call me from there. He was familiar with this hospital because that is where he camped out with me several years ago when I received surgery for a hernia. After hanging up the phone I immediately called one of my late fatherтАЩs friends whoтАЩs a doctor and described Theps condition to him. Holding my breath waiting for his response, he told me that it sounded like Thep may be suffering from Bells Palsy, which is a temporary paralysis тАУ cause unknown. He went on to say that this is rare in the West, although more frequently reported in Asian countries, and more commonly affecting the young people. He said that that the bad news is that it can take anywhere from 2 to 10 weeks to go away, although the good news being that it almost always goes away, if in fact Bells Palsy is what Thep had.
Six hours later Thep calls me again. Holding my breath again in fear of hearing something really bad, he told me that after running a blood test and completing their examination, the doctor informed him that he was probably suffering from Bells Palsy. I breathed a sigh of relieve and stayed on the phone with him for nearly an hour.
8 o-clock the next morning (LOS time) Thep was on a bus back home. Not only did he have to face his family after running away to Pattaya after his wedding ceremony, he had to face them with only half of a functional face. This resulted in all the family elders flocking around тАУ poking at his face тАУ and then sitting around talking about what they thought was wrong with him. Evan after Thep informed them of what the doctor in Pattaya had told him, and what my doctor friend told me on this end; they were still convinced that he had to go see the monks immediately.
Nearly two months has passed since this episode. After 4 weeks Thep started to regain some feeling in his face тАУ and after 7 weeks his paralysis had completely disappeared just as the doctors had predicted. He did suffer a minor eye infection during that period which was easily remedied with prescription eye drops. All-in-all, the doctors were right, although it doesnтАЩt stop there.
The family elders, who by-the-way, carry an enormous amount of influence in remote villages like this, were (are) convinced that ThepтАЩs condition was the result of his wrong doings, and that he lost half of his face by being two-faced, and only regained the feeling in his half-face when he returned home and received the blessings and consoling from the village monks. WhatтАЩs really interesting (if not humorous) about this, is that Thep believes this himself. Believe me, I was tempted at this point to go along with this charade, thinking it may be the best way to keep that little maniac in tow, although decided that that tactic would not be in his best interest.
I have talked to him many times since, explaining Bells Palsy in as much detail as I possibly can, and telling him that to ignore the reality of this medical condition was just falling to old superstition, something he needs to be aware of, not only involving this situation тАУ but in all situations he will encounter in his life time. I also reminded him of the time when our home was finally completed and the very same family elders saw it for the first time after the polarized glass was installed in the windows. A flock of them would stand in front of the house just staring at the pitch black glass as it appeared on the outside тАУ then they would walk into the house and stare through the glass from the inside where it appeared perfectly clear. Then, after a murmur of oooтАЩs and ahaaaтАЩs, they would dash out of the house and stare at the pitch black glass again as if it were magic. This is the type of people IтАЩm talking about here..555.
Regardless of what Thep really thinks and feels inside, he has regained his footing again and couldnтАЩt sound any happier on the phone. His amends have been made to his family and me as well. Life is finally back to normal and he seems content waking with the chickens, helping his mom cook meals for the family and farm workers, making his fake silk flowers and watching his soap operas again.
Sitting here in my office in Chicago surrounded by computers, scanners and flashing phone lights, the wedding ceremony I experienced back in that remote village just 4 months ago seems like no more than a dream. I remember walking slowly up-and-down the village sois with about 8 guys walking behind me beating drums of various shapes and sizes, a dozen women positioned in front of me dancing in traditional Isaan folk style with painted faces, and an older women walking next to me holding an umbrella over my head to shield me from the scorching heat. I was dressed in a white silk wedding suit complete with red and gold colored sash making make feel like Frazier Thomas on Garfield Goose walking to his own funeral. The center piece of this strange procession was one of ThepтАЩs grandfathers who was drunk on his ass. He took turns dancing with the women in the front of the procession тАУ and then staggered to the rear and started beating on the guyтАЩs drums. His face was completely covered with power and he had blood-red die dripping from his lips from some sort of berry the women use for makeup. Between the dancing women, the beating drums, the scorching heat, and pops twirling around in front of me looking like some sort of deranged cult freak тАУ I felt like I was on acid.
Finally, the procession made its final bend in the road, and there in front of our new home stood a few hundred people with Theps mom and dad standing at the front door. Having spent the previous night in a nearby hotel, I hadnтАЩt seen Thep for nearly 24 hours, as dictated by Thai tradition. I felt like I was about to pass out from the heat and was very relieved to feel to coolness once entering the house. The lower level was adorned with flowers and decorations, and in the center of the large room sat a series of three small tables, kneeling pads, pillows and a beautiful floral arrangement which was constructed by Ploi who is one of ThepтАЩs many cousins тАУ and one of my favorite persons as well.
Thep then emerged from the rear of the house shouldered by a group of the elders, and I almost lost my breath. I know that many (or most) of you donтАЩt like ladyboys so I know this part will have you gagging, but thatтАЩs your problem, not mine, but he (she), at that moment in time, was the most beautiful creature on this planet. He was dressed in a floor-length white colored silk gown with gold trim, including very ornate looking gold bracelets and head piece. He stood straight as an arrow with a smile that would dim the galaxies. This was his day. Yes, it was a day when his mother and father would receive great merit from all, and I was enjoying it myself, but in all reality, this moment was for him.
The ceremony itself, for anyone who may be interested (I can hear some of you grumbling now) lasted about 2 hours. First, after Thep had disappeared from sight, I was led up the stairs by one of ThepтАЩs grandmothers to the second level of the home. There stood Thep with two men from the village, each holding onto one of Theps arms in a very firm and controlling manner with ThepтАЩs hands bound together with a rope. ThepтАЩs sister Phot was standing there to meet me and instrucked me in English that I had to fight to free her. Well, coming from Chicago I thought it may be effective to just kick one guy in his balls and tie the rope around the other guys neck and just strangle him, although thought this might be a little disruptive to the guestsтАж555. Seriously, understanding the symbolism here, I just reached out and grabbed Thep by his forearms and pulled him firmly towards me. Both men broke their grips and then started patting me on the back.
Thep and I were then led downstairs and positioned in a kneeling position (ouch) in front of the 3 small tables across from 3 ministers who performed the ceremony. Only the immediate family was permitted inside the house who positioned themselves around us in a circle. Everyone else remained outside and were already busy enjoying the food and drink under the canopies that ThepтАЩs father and his friends had constructed in preparation for the wedding. The young children seemed to have the most fun as they peered inside the window - giggling as if they had never seen Frazier Thomas before.
The next hour is a bit of a blur, partially because of the fact that my blood circulation was completely cut off having to kneel on that rock-hard tiled surface, coupled with the fact that I had absolutely no idea what they what anyone was saying. Phot sat directly behind me and tapped on my back every time I was supposed to bow and giggled every time I did something stupid. Like the part where a young girl walked up next to me and tried to stick a rotten looking brown colored egg in my mouth and I grimaced and turned my head. After a bit of reluctance with all the children giggling at their window posts, bit one half of the egg off and swallowed it with courage. The girl then placed the other half in ThepтАЩs mouth which he devoured which much less resistance.
Yes, for those interested, they do toss rice at Thai weddings, only do it when youтАЩre in the sitting position during various points of the ceremony, and do it in a gentle fashion. Not those line-drive blasts in in eyes like weare accustomed to seeing in the West. Finally, after the numbness in my legs was starting to creep up to my head, we exchanged rings and kissed to seal the deal. The kissing part created a rash of giggles from the children, and Thep and his mom both had little streams of water flowing from the corners of their eyes. I was too dam numb to get emotional and couldnтАЩt wait to stand up again and take a drink of something to get that rotten egg crap out of my mouth.
Finally on my feet again with people chattering all around me, ThepтАЩs grandmother walked up to Thep and I and began tying our wrists together with the same rope that was used to bind ThepтАЩs hands together earlier in the ceremony. She then led us upstairs again, only this time walked us over to the edge of the bed (the only piece of furniture there at the time) and pushed us down on the bed. We just sat there next to each other as his grandmother untied the rope, smiled, and walked away. No, we were not expected to do the wild thing at this point, although I was contemplating it. In actuality, this represented the ways things are done when a wedding is held at the home of the parents, where the married couple are then led to their place of residence by the family membes (with their hands still bound) and left alone for sometimes as much as 5 days to solidify their vows. Seeing as our home is shared between ThepтАЩs mother and father, with them residing on the lower level and us on the second level, this process was simply symbolic.
Lastly came the string tying part of the ceremony, which Thep and I have become accustomed to.
Two years prior to this wedding we experienced a pee tee pukseo (sp?) ceremony which is considered to have a similar meaning as a marriage and concludes with a similar string tying process. The difference this time is that the string bearers gave money as gifts. At one point I glanced over at Thep and saidтАжтАЭwell, I guess I finally get that new Yamaha motorbike I wanted,тАЭтАжand he giggled and saidтАжтАЭI am boss of money now тАУ you can have my old motorbike.тАЭ I respondedтАжтАЭyouтАЩve been robbing me blind for 5 years now you little asshole and IтАЩm getting a new motorbike out of this deal.тАЭ He respondedтАжтАЭ(laughing his ass off)тАжyou cannot say that in here.тАЭ
My next adventure begins in just 12 days, and as always, IтАЩm consumed with a mixture of excitement and anxieties. I have the choice of having Thep and his family meet me at the airport as always, or stick to Plan B тАУ which involves me tossing in the hay with a big-docked green-eyed boy from Chiang Mai. I think I will stick to Plan A and see Thep at the airport while I can still feel both sides of my own faceтАж(as I chuckleтАжbut a mindful chuckle).
Mai pen rai