How Long Was It?

Your relationship with a Thai BF: I'm just curious how long these last, on average. Also curious about who broke it off and the reason for ending it. And of course a big factor is, was it a full time union or a long distance relationship?

I'm guessing that for most of us, 2 years is about all the time it takes for cross cultural "true love" to dissipate.

Your relationship with a Thai BF: I'm just curious how long these last, on average. Also curious about who broke it off and the reason for ending it. And of course a big factor is, was it a full time union or a long distance relationship?

I'm guessing that for most of us, 2 years is about all the time it takes for cross cultural "true love" to dissipate.

By Thai BF do you mean a 'Brought/Bar Friend' from a bar or a 'Boy Friend' ie someone that you met and got to know without there being any financial agreement/exchange as there is a big, big difference?

Your relationship with a Thai BF: I'm just curious how long these last, on average. Also curious about who broke it off and the reason for ending it. And of course a big factor is, was it a full time union or a long distance relationship?

I'm guessing that for most of us, 2 years is about all the time it takes for cross cultural "true love" to dissipate.

first,

4 years, long distance, Thai broke it because other farang who lives in Thailand ! ( Thai and his farang are still friends )

second,

2 years, long distance, i broke it because moneyboy to over ! ( i not want to meet him again ).

[allieb]

Your relationship with a Thai BF: I'm just curious how long these last, on average. Also curious about who broke it off and the reason for ending it. And of course a big factor is, was it a full time union or a long distance relationship?

I'm guessing that for most of us, 2 years is about all the time it takes for cross cultural "true love" to dissipate.

By Thai BF do you mean a 'Brought/Bar Friend' from a bar or a 'Boy Friend' ie someone that you met and got to know without there being any financial agreement/exchange as there is a big, big difference?

I met one Thai in a bar he wasn't a member of staff just another customer. The rules are usually the same however you meet. In the end Farang pays one way or another. Usually by cash in Thailand and remitances from his country when he goes back. I was with him 3 years. He became like a one armed bandit the more you put in the more you loose. I broke it off.

I met one Thai in a bar he wasn't a member of staff just another customer. The rules are usually the same however you meet. In the end Farang pays one way or another. Usually by cash in Thailand and remitances from his country when he goes back. I was with him 3 years. He became like a one armed bandit the more you put in the more you loose. I broke it off.

"Usually the same" Yes I would agree if there is a 30, 40 year or even more age difference then it is highly unlikely to be a real two- way street relationship. I think it all depends what you want, with most situations like this it's, let say an exchange of gifts; his youth and looks for your wealth and security.............

[allieb]

I think it all depends what you want, with most situations like this it's, let say an exchange of gifts; his youth and looks for your wealth and security.............

In that case I would say fair exchange is no robbery. I would think that young gay non commercial Thais would be more interested in each other than Farang and the stigma that goes with having a Farang lover. Young gay Farang are not generally attracted to Thailand,they are having too much fun in their own countries. Hence the usual age difference between Farang and Thai .

Thai boys are greedy and never know when to stop trying to extract money. I ran into old BF this last trip I took him out to dinner 3 times and offerered the hand of a non lover type friendship. I gave him around 15,000 Bhat over the three meetings and considering he had at least 2 Long distance Farang Keeping him I thought that was generous. I knew about the Farang from friends and told him so. I also told him it wasn't my business and don't explain.

When I returned home I started getting the sick buffalo calls and when I didn't send money it changed to threats of violence against me the next time I came to Thailand. Game over deleted

...I ran into old BF this last trip I took him out to dinner 3 times and offerered the hand of a non sexual friendship. I gave him around 15,000 Bhat over the three meetings...

B15,000 for three non-sexual friendly dinner gatherings? Even "if" sex were involved the sum sounds outrageous. You are making us all look bad for paying the usual B1500 ST and B2000 LT. :laughing3:

[Brad the Impala]

You guys attitude towards humans is so weird. Everything is Thais this, Farangs that! If you want a professional relationship with a rent boy, it doesn't matter which race is which! On the other hand if you want a partnership with another human, and one of you is more wealthy than the other, than of course you share your wealth as you do your skills. Each contributes what he can, but the race of the parties involved is still irrelevant.

Your problems come when the two relationships are confused. The punter relationship can develop into the partner relationship, depending on the people involved. Getting to know your partner takes time and effort together. However if you have never had a relationship of any longstanding in your life, you are starting to build a relationship from a very low level of experience. Equally if you value every experience only by the tangible costs or benefits, you are unlikely to have a soulful relationship!

[allieb]

...I ran into old BF this last trip I took him out to dinner 3 times and offerered the hand of a non sexual friendship. I gave him around 15,000 Bhat over the three meetings...

B15,000 for three non-sexual friendly dinner gatherings? Even "if" sex were involved the sum sounds outrageous. You are making us all look bad for paying the usual B1500 ST and B2000 LT. :laughing3:

It wasn't quite like,that he stayed over on all three nights and the money was one 5,000 at the start when we met and 10,000 on the last meeting (I was leaving that day ) as a gift to tide him over as he said he had had abnormal expenses to meet that month. I thought I was being a good Samartian. (And BTW with my whores short time I always pay 1,000 and overningt 1,500)

[Brad the Impala]

Young gay Farang are not generally attracted to Thailand,they are having too much fun in their own countries.

Lots of young gay farang come to Thailand, like lots of straight young farang come. They generally aren't sex tourists though. (Not intending that as a perjorative, just an accurate description)

[Patexpat]

It wasn't quite like,that he stayed over on all three nights and the money was one 5,000 at the start when we met and 10,000 on the last meeting (I was leaving that day ) as a gift to tide him over as he said he had had abnormal expenses to meet that month. I thought I was being a good Samartian.

Haven't learned that much on your previous visits then have you!

[allieb]

It wasn't quite like,that he stayed over on all three nights and the money was one 5,000 at the start when we met and 10,000 on the last meeting (I was leaving that day ) as a gift to tide him over as he said he had had abnormal expenses to meet that month. I thought I was being a good Samartian.

Haven't learned that much on your previous visits then have you!

I gave it willingly and without expecting anything shal we say as a helping hand in economic bad times. What I didn't expect was threats a month further down the line.

Brad wrote Lots of young gay farang come to Thailand, like lots of straight young farang come. They generally aren't sex tourists though. (Not intending that as a perjorative, just an accurate description

Yes you are quite right young gays and straights do go to Thailand but not as sext tourists, they often end up shagging each other

You guys attitude towards humans is so weird. Everything is Thais this, Farangs that!...if you want a partnership with another human, and one of you is more wealthy than the other, than of course you share your wealth as you do your skills. Each contributes what he can, but the race of the parties involved is still irrelevant.

Brad, you may not lke it but I agree with you 100% - and even hereforme may have something as my partner is an orphan!

Allieb, I dislike generalisations and yours is one of the oft repeated ones that I dislike most. If my partner (a "Thai boy")was "greedy and never know when to stop trying to extract money" he could have extracted it all by now, as well as our house, since it is all in joint names (one signature), and finished me off to get the pension. He hasn't. I didn't view it as "an exchange of gifts; his youth and looks for your wealth and security", as Sanook put it, but a relationship in which we each contributed equally - everything we had, physically and emotionally.

BobSaigon,

I doubt if your curiousity will be satisfied, certainly as far as getting any "average" is concerned. The first problem would be defining what you mean by a "relationship" (long distance, long term, "open", monogamous, etc).

GF you are no doubt one of the lucky ones, it does happen as it did with me, but there again I didn't find him selling sex. I'm not saying that one can not find 'true love' with a bar boy I'm just making a point that in most cases it is an exchange and does not last long............

[colmx]

I am always amazed at these urban myths that i hear of the boy who has X number of farangs sending him YY thousand baht every month... and the even bigger urban myth that every boy has this going on!

In my opinion there is only a very small percentage of boys that are lucky/stupid (strike as appropriate!) to be able to string several farang along like this

To answer BobSaigons original question... 7 years here long distance. Spend 10-15 weeks together per year.... Still going fairly strong... Although we are both getting older, balder and fatter :boxing: :boxing:

[doug7363]

8 years and still having lots of fun

[luvthai-2]

I was with my first (and only) thai bf for 4 years as a lover followed by another 4 years as a friend with no sex involved. Now i am just a butterfly as I no longer trust the boys.

[cdnmatt]

I am always amazed at these urban myths that i hear of the boy who has X number of farangs sending him YY thousand baht every month... and the even bigger urban myth that every boy has this going on!

When it comes to long distance relationships? Unless the farang spends a minimum of 6 months within Thailand every year, and it's a strong relationship, I'd say maybe 10% stay faithful (and that's being generous). I know lots of guys with several boyfriends, and most of them don't think anything of it. They just view it as survival, and taking care of their family.

I could tell lots of stories, but that probably wouldn't be very safe for me. Might end up with some Thai chasing me around with a knife. :-)

[colmx]

I could tell lots of stories, but that probably wouldn't be very safe for me. Might end up with some Thai chasing me around with a knife. :-)

You could tell lots of stories... but that is all they would be stories aka urban myths aka fables!

I know one guy who strings along 2 farang.... however those farang barely speak english.... and in 9 years going to LOS and only socialising with Thais - thats all i have ever met!

[bing]

It is interesting how relationships can be so hot for a week or two, then you don't see the Thai boy till next year. Usually with a few emails to make sure he knows when I'll be in town. The first guy I offed in Pattaya was at Ogs Spot, so that dates back about 9 or 10 years ago. He was cute, small and very loving. We are still friends, he is more interested in my arrival than I am. The other long term guy is from about 8 years ago, but he is now in Germany with a farang who treats him well and is sending him to college. Surprising to me the Thai boy was able to adapt to the German winters. That German farang I consider to be lucky as that boy was loving and caring. Again a few emails a year to hear how is doing. I am still friends with both of them and in fact had them both to supper at White Nights a few years ago. They are not best friends but both like each other after I introduced them to each other.

[francois]

[quote="Brad the Impala":1xfj3xpg]You guys attitude towards humans is so weird. Everything is Thais this, Farangs that!...if you want a partnership with another human, and one of you is more wealthy than the other, than of course you share your wealth as you do your skills. Each contributes what he can, but the race of the parties involved is still irrelevant.[/quote:1xfj3xpg]

Brad, you may not lke it but I agree with you 100% - and even hereforme may have something as my partner is an orphan!


I agree with all of the above. For me and the bf it is 10 years and counting and yes, he is an orphan.

[allieb]

Allieb, I dislike generalisations and yours is one of the oft repeated ones that I dislike most. If my partner (a "Thai boy")was "greedy and never know when to stop trying to extract money" he could have extracted it all by now, as well as our house, since it is all in joint names (one signature), and finished me off to get the pension. He hasn't. I didn't view it as "an exchange of gifts; his youth and looks for your wealth and security", as Sanook put it, but a relationship in which we each contributed equally - everything we had, physically and emotionally.

Point taken, you are one of the very lucky ones. What I meant was, all the Thai boys I have been involved with, have been greedy without exception.

[cdnmatt]

You could tell lots of stories... but that is all they would be stories aka urban myths aka fables!

No, they're all from Thai guys I've known for long enough to have no reason to not believe what they say. But in all honesty, what can you expect? Spend 10 - 25% of your time with someone during the entire relationship, including from the beginning, and you can't expect it to be a genuine monogamous relationship, regardless of country, culture, or age.

As for the original question, can't say yet. Hopefully in a few years I'll be able to make a positive reply to a thread like this. :-) Time will tell, but no reason I can't see it working.

[Patexpat]

Have to say that without trying I can think of 8 Thai guys I know that are receiving monthly stipends from more than one falang ... and no, I'm not daft enough to name them!

They may be "stories" to some people, but I can also think of several and although I would agree that it is not "the norm", it is far from unusual. Often the apparently lucky ones who are "good enough" to catch one can catch several, while others cannot catch any. I have known some who made a reasonably good living from farangs they met on the internet and sometimes never actually met in real life - whether you consider the farangs stupid / gullible / generous / happy depends on your point of view.

Allieb, Sanook, I know I am one of the lucky ones - and, honestly, there has not been a day since we met that I have not thought that. In the majority of cases I would agree with you, but that does not mean it cannot and does not happen.

Matt, if you are talking about Thais ("..... maybe 10% stay faithful (and that's being generous). I know lots of guys with several boyfriends, and most of them don't think anything of it.....") I would say you were being very generous; if you are talking about farangs I would say you were bordering on delusional (of the many farangs I know and have met here I can only think of two in that category)

[Art]

http://www.wga.hu/art/h/heem/jan/1/flowvase.jpg

┬╗The demand to be loved is the greatest kind of arrogance.┬л (523 Wanting to be loved)



BobSaigon,
I doubt if your curiousity will be satisfied, certainly as far as getting any "average" is concerned. The first problem would be defining what you mean by a "relationship" (long distance, long term, "open", monogamous, etc).
True. Let's say at least one Thai loves one Westerner for almost five years now (18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23). Almost no money transfers. Unfortunately most affairs were shorter, and one lasted only a few months this year, the exact period is unknown. Reason? A more convincing competitor.



Lots of young gay farang come to Thailand, like lots of straight young farang come. They generally aren't sex tourists though.

There is so much opportunity for prostitution all over the world, why this insane pilgrimage to Thailand? The quest for love. An explanation for the financial investment in Thais? The quest for love. An explanation for the disappointment with Thais? The quest for love. The remains of the days in Thailand? Hopefully at least some sex; love tourism becomes sex tourism if love is unavailable. And the ┬╗straight┬л young backpackers, do they copulate less often with their Caucasian bedmates than we do with ┬╗our┬л Thais? And are they love tourists? And the bickering couples who travel through Thailand without any hope for copulation? They deserve better. Let them become sex tourists. Or even love tourists. By the way, I rarely fall in love with Thais.

[Ron-Heng Vancouver]

for myself and my thai bf, 13 years...we both live in vancouver..... very much in love...... and our families are close.

[Ron-Heng Vancouver]

ps........ when we met, he was 23... i was 44.

[TrongpaiExpat]

I could tell lots of stories, but that probably wouldn't be very safe for me. Might end up with some Thai chasing me around with a knife. :-)

You could tell lots of stories... but that is all they would be stories aka urban myths aka fables!

I know one guy who strings along 2 farang.... however those farang barely speak english.... and in 9 years going to LOS and only socialising with Thais - thats all i have ever met!

I know personally 5 boys that have multiple farangs on a string. All are verifiable accounts and each has his own story. But, I am sure that for every boy that claims to have many benefactors there's several that are just talking the talk for status, showing off.

What's really amazing is the amounts of money that gets squandered and the situations that go sour over greed and money mismanagement. One boy for example has this rich Swiss BF who set him up in an apartment in Chiang Mai, bought him a Honda Jazz, new, gave him a pocket spending allowance of 20,000 per month and enrolled him in a university. The boy went to a few classes and then went into party mode, blew the 20,000 in a few days after receiving it and asked for more money. His farang got wind of what was going on from an other farang and cut off his money, stopped paying for the apartment and asked for the car back. The boy kept the car, returned to Pattaya and went back in the bars. He was able to keep the car for about 3 months and then got in debt, sold it and spent all of that money in less than 5 months.

This was not an urban legend. I saw the car, the apt and we visited him in Chiang Mai. Just prior to this the Thai boy had four farangs engaged in long distance relationships. I met three of them in passing and was warned to keep my mouth shut. Even when one of them come up the idea that he should enroll in university and paid his way, the Thai boy kept the other farangs whom sent money from time to time. He's now working in a bar in Pattaya and tells me he has no "boyfriends" left and all his "relationships" are "finished" but he's looking. Anyone want to meet him, drop me a PM and I'll introduce you. Have a good credit rating and you need to have several ATM card. He speaks excellent English, some German and some French.

That's just one story, I got many others but will not go on and on.

[Smiles]

If you've got the staying power (it's 6 pages long), try reading this very long but very interesting thread (from 2004) on the old EZBoard Sawatdee having to do with long term relationships with Thai guys. The cast of characters may be familiar ~ though many are not around anymore ... at least two have croaked ~ but they are all in their most verbose glory here: << resource-forum/about-long-term-relationships-with-thai-guys-title-edited-t2202.html (http://www.sawatdee-gay-thailand.com/forum/resource-forum/about-long-term-relationships-with-thai-guys-title-edited-t2202.html) >>

Because this thread was 'imported' over from EZBoard to this Phpbb board, the story line is rather convoluted and there seems to be a lot of HTML coding hanging around (because of the 'import' problems I assume), but there's a lot of interesting takes on the age-old issue.

[Bob]

Dammit, Khun Smiles, you actually had me in a bit of state of trepidation as to whether I should go back to see if I offered any comment five years ago and, if so, how stupid it would sound to me now.

Hmmmm....no problem and I'd probably say the same things today. I guess that just shows that my insanity level remains about the same.... :evil4:

[Beachlover]

I never measured but I think he was close to 6 inches...

[francois]

You could tell lots of stories... but that is all they would be stories aka urban myths aka fables!]

I know personally 5 boys that have multiple farangs on a string. All are verifiable accounts and each has his own story. But, I am sure that for every boy that claims to have many benefactors there's several that are just talking the talk for status, showing off
i

I have 5 boys on a string and all I want is another farang to hold the string. Wish they all had other farang sending them baht but not probable.

[cdnmatt]

What's really amazing is the amounts of money that gets squandered and the situations that go sour over greed and money mismanagement. One boy for example has this rich Swiss BF who set him up in an apartment in Chiang Mai, bought him a Honda Jazz, new, gave him a pocket spending allowance of 20,000 per month and enrolled him in a university. The boy went to a few classes and then went into party mode, blew the 20,000 in a few days after receiving it and asked for more money. His farang got wind of what was going on from an other farang and cut off his money, stopped paying for the apartment and asked for the car back.

I know every relationship is different and everything, but as a general rule of thumb when it comes to things like above, honestly, what can you expect? It basically sums up as:

1.) Old, wealthy farang shows up in Thailand on holiday, and falls in love with a Thai.
2.) Farang throws a bunch of money at Thai boy.
3.) Farang takes off back to home country, and for all intents and purposes, basically abandons Thai. All the while, expects Thai to stay faithful, caring and dedicated to farang, because after all, farang is sending XX,000 baht every month to an ATM card, as if that's supposed to make everything ok, or something.
4.) After 2 - 5 months, farang gets horny and bored of the home life, and books a flight to Thailand, expecting Thai to jump into his open arms.

I know not all situations are the same, but when you setup an environment like that, you can't really get too pissy when it doesn't work out as you hoped. You also can't get too disappointed if and when the Thai takes advantage of you, manipulates you, or back-stabs you. Afterall, you're the one who initially abandoned him for months at a time. If you don't want him to treat you like a piece of shit that doesn't matter, then obviously, don't treat him like a toy you can pickup and play with whenever you get around to getting to Thailand.

If I disappeared for say three months, I know my BF would at the very least be hurt and pissed off, if not devastated. He'd feel like I abandoned him, regardless if I sending money his way or not, and I highly doubt he'd ever treat me the same again, as he treats me now. Going to Canada for two weeks every 90 days was hard enough to swing, let alone going for 3 months at one time.

[yaraboy]

Reading these posts there is a certain consistency of opinion expressed by the likes of Cdnmat. I think there are a many Falang/Thai relationships which are successful. We do not hear about them because they do not bother to post or more likely do not read this site.
I have been in a successful long distance monogamous relationship for 3 years. We currently see each other for about 3months of the year, though through emigration that will change. Frankly it is not a problem as we are both happily independant and busy. Quality contact is facilitated easily through telephone and computer There are many variations on this theme!

Your relationship with a Thai BF: I'm just curious how long these last, on average.

Mode average - very probably as long as the visit.

One man's "relationship" is another man's (or even the other man's) arrangement, short time, casual acquaintance, casual sex, etc, etc.

Similarly, one man's "Thai BF" is often another man's short time, etc, etc.

[Surfcrest]

If you've got the staying power (it's 6 pages long), try reading this very long but very interesting thread (from 2004) on the old EZBoard Sawatdee having to do with long term relationships with Thai guys. The cast of characters may be familiar ~ though many are not around anymore ... at least two have croaked ~ but they are all in their most verbose glory here: << resource-forum/about-long-term-relationships-with-thai-guys-title-edited-t2202.html (http://www.sawatdee-gay-thailand.com/forum/resource-forum/about-long-term-relationships-with-thai-guys-title-edited-t2202.html) >>

Because this thread was 'imported' over from EZBoard to this Phpbb board, the story line is rather convoluted and there seems to be a lot of HTML coding hanging around (because of the 'import' problems I assume), but there's a lot of interesting takes on the age-old issue.

Or...if you are really bored / board...you can visit:

The old ezboard (http://sawatdeeforum.yuku.com)

for the buffet dinner.

[Smiles]

" ... Or...if you are really bored / board...you can visit:
The old ezboard (http://sawatdeeforum.yuku.com)
for the buffet dinner ... "
Well thanks Surfcrest. I'd forgotten that YUKU reincarnation of the EZBoard stuff (I believe EZBoard went belly up and YUKU took over ... perhaps getting it for a song).

<< http://sawatdeeforum.yuku.com/topic/103 ... dited.html (http://sawatdeeforum.yuku.com/topic/1039/t/About-LONG-TERM-RELATIONSHIPS-WITH-THAI-GUYS-title-edited.html) >> gives the same thread as mentioned in my post above, but completely intact, and easily readable.
When you get even more bored, you should Surf through some of the archiac threads there. A couple of doozies with your handle front and centre.

But to get back to the original topic
" ... Your relationship with a Thai BF: I'm just curious how long these last, on average .. And of course a big factor is, was it a full time union or a long distance relationship? ... "
We're in our 10th year now. (Man, that sounds strangely surreal every time I say or write that).
I've been coming to Thailand since 2000 ~ the year we met ~ and then it was 7 years of holidays ... some being as short as 2 weeks, and others as long as 3 months).
Retired to Thailand in 2007 and we've got ourselves a sweet little townhouse with a rusting picket fence in Hua Hin. I spend 8 or 9 months here, and 3 or 4 months in Canada.
I would venture to guess that this style of dual process is fairly common to those guys who count themselves as expats.

The stints back to Canada are a given right now as I have both of my parents being very old and needing more and more support. I share that duty with sister, who lives in Canada.
After 'The Inevitable' I would guess I'll travel back to Canada maybe once every two years or so.

I can truthfully say that, after all these years, I'm as happy and content as I've ever been and it only seems to get better. As my guy has never been found to be a bald-faced liar, I accept it happily when he says he feels the same.
No other comments seem necessary.

[pong]

for the stats then-next year is year of the tiger and we both are. Met briefly in 1999 (year of the tiger)-then remet in 2001 and keep close-but not permanent since then. I visit LOS 3-4 month/year since then. Never ever money was sent-and he pretty well realises this wont happen and he has to fend for himself in the slack times. He hails from isan but is not a farmerboy but lived in BKk already then. Next year of the tiger should be great- and I just hope we can make it a full 12-yr cycle.

[Surfcrest]

When you get even more bored, you should Surf through some of the archiac threads there. A couple of doozies with your handle front and centre..

I did, but sad to see that some of my posts list me as Unregistered...i.e. the Cambodia Posts in the Other Country folder.



I can truthfully say that, after all these years, I'm as happy and content as I've ever been and it only seems to get better. As my guy has never been found to be a bald-faced liar, I accept it happily when he says he feels the same.
No other comments seem necessary.

Good things come to those that deserve it. Congrats to you both!

Surfcrest

6 years up to now.. but since 3 years he's coming to see me in Europe usually 1 - 2 times/year too.. and I travel to Thailand 2 times/year too