Marriage of Convenience

I'm a gay guy living in Los Angeles, work professionally, in the closet. I'm looking for a thai girl, lesbian or bi-sexual, who's looking to get married and have children, but happy to allow me to play with boys on the side, and I'd be happy to allow her to play with girls on the side.

I'll be in Thailand for 3 to 4 weeks in December and January. Can anyone recommend a place, or website, where I can find such a girl?

[bing]

You are in LA, just go down to the Abbey Bar and put the word out at the lesbian tables. Probably you will find someone who would like that offer right at your home backyard.

That's interesting.

Maybe an ad on http://www.asianfriendfinder.com/ and similar sites? No need to limit yourself to Thailand. Lots of good looking Asians from different countries, imo.

It may seem like a simple idea but it is fraught with peril as well.

First off, in Thailand marrying the daughter automatically carries the price of support of the family back home. You may find yourself being asked to pay for everything from Grandmum's operation to little Somchai's college education.

Secondly, every spat you have your spouse will hold over you exposing your facade and your new life. You won't know her level of vindictiveness until you start fighting- and you need only read the Thai girlfriend horror stories on other forums to get an idea of how quickly things can sour.

Finally, Thais love to gossip and tell secrets to each other. You'll find soon that all her friends are in on your little secret...and the circle of discretion will be non-existent- you'll be the last one to know!

Thais don't have the same Western-based fear of discovery you carry, and what you seek is not uncommon here...there are scores of Thai men who have made the same arrangement- even if its subconscious!

The great danger is that you will never know for sure your entire relationship how things will end up. Money will always be at the center of every disagreement you have with you faux wife and will colour every discussion you have with her...your secret will hand her the greatest weapon she will need to hold the upperhand. She will always know that she can walk away with the kids, your money and never fear any reprisal.

Having said that, best of luck!

[gerefan2]

Sounds like you would be better off consulting a mental health worker

I suspect it is too late...but there is a guy here from Sydney who, I'm sure, will be able to offer some advice.
G2

[krobbie]

ballymenasurf, don't go there. Crikey! I have a friend who got hooked up with marriage to help an English friend with residency and he cannot now use his sponsorship again now until 2012 and now they're divorced.

It turned pretty awful after about two years and so she got everything she wanted and he just got roasted.

You must have the weirdest job in the world. In 2009 who would have ever thought you needed to pretend to be straight. Mind you I come from NZ, so where a little bit advanced with such things.

What you really need to figure out is ... is it really you that wants the appearance of being straight and not the excuse of work. If it's the former you probably need to address that first or this has all the hallmarks of disaster.

IMHO :sharm:

No sarcasm here. Just the reality of what you are attempting.

You are thinking of bringing children into the world to participate in and live within the constructs of your lie. I can only guess your motives, but can tell you that without any shadow of a doubt, as a professional educator, that the children will be damaged goods as a result of your selfish desires. Before you consider children you need to have your emotional house in order. You live in LA, as do I, it is probably one of the easiest cities in the world to lead your life as an openly gay man. I suggest that you give yourself the gift of courage, come out of the closet, go through the whole coming out process, and then and only then consider children. Children are so much more than little critters to fill your personal needs.

No sarcasm here. Just the reality of what you are attempting.

You are thinking of bringing children into the world to participate in and live within the constructs of your lie. I can only guess your motives, but can tell you that without any shadow of a doubt, as a professional educator, that the children will be damaged goods as a result of your selfish desires. Before you consider children you need to have your emotional house in order. You live in LA, as do I, it is probably one of the easiest cities in the world to lead your life as an openly gay man. I suggest that you give yourself the gift of courage, come out of the closet, go through the whole coming out process, and then and only then consider children. Children are so much more than little critters to fill your personal needs.

I'm not so sure you're right: The important thing is two loving parents dedicated to their kid's welfare. If he could manage the downside of hiding a secret and trusting his 'wife' with it, how does it necessarily follow that the kids will be 'damaged goods'? I assume you mean that the relationship is doomed to be dysfunctional, but that isn't necessarily so...any more than loveless marriages out there are. The myth of productive, nurturing relationships are always conventional heterosexual ones is demonstrably false, and it is accepted that kids raised by gay partners are no more likely to be messed up than their hetero-raised counterparts.

And what if one is bisexual? Or straights that fool around on the side? Or great dads that are crossdressers? Mom's that are into S & M?

I would also contend that in recorded history more than half, and in some cultures the overwhelming majority, of gay and bisexual men enter into marriage and have kids because they wanted a socially acceptable lifestyle (if they didn't do it for children).

I don't think you're right except where the partners are not going to be honest and sincere- and in that instance EVERY relationship without trust and honesty is damaging to kids- not because of the parent's sexuality.

Just my take.

Children are so much more than little critters to fill your personal needs.

Presumably you spend very little time in Sunee Plaza and its environs.

[dab69]

No sarcasm here. Just the reality of...

as a professional educator,

heh

Soi 10 Tom wrote:
Children are so much more than little critters to fill your personal needs.


Presumably you spend very little time in Sunee Plaza and its environs.



LOL!
(I mean that in a totally innocent way, btw)

[cdnmatt]

Not to sound like a pompous prick or anything, but you do realize what you're doing, right?

You're a LA based working professional, posting on a Gay Thailand message board, asking where he can (presumably quickly and easily) pickup a wife on the other side of the world to have kids with, while still having gay sex on the side. Ummm... I don't really believe a life-long relationship happens quite that easily though. I would imagine it's a little more difficult than just popping over for a visit and picking up a nice wife to bear your children.

But if you want to think it's that simple and easy, have fun getting fucked over! Whatever floats your boat.

Thanks for the feedback, guys, I appreciate the different perspectives. I don't imagine such an endeavor should be walked into quickly without thought and getting to know your perspective life partner. We've all seen many examples of couples diving into marriage with little forethought and disasterous results.

Ideally I find someone here in LA, someone in the same boat as me, in the closet, yet wanting more.

No marriage is always better than a bad marriage, so I plan on treading carefully.

To the gentleman in this thread living in LA, Soi 10 Tom, I'd be happy to have a beer with you sometime if you've the interest.

To gerefan2, yes, I'd be interested in talking with your friend from Sydney. I'll arrive in Pattaya on 14 December.