Hello and BS education question

Dear All,
I admit that I was a long time reader of this board without posting, and here we goтАж. I just got back home after 2 wonderful weeks (and heart broken тАУ surprise surprise), and now truly need help and support from you guys. IтАЩve been dating my BS for over a year, and I took him on a payroll now in an exchange of him stepping down from the stage and working as a waiter at the Boyztown bar (supposedly he has much less offs and is paid 2000BT salary). I also want to contribute to his education and keep him busy during the day. He needs 3 more years to complete his High School. I am thinking to enroll him into English/computer lessons now, and possibly into a 5-year middle education school which also provides professional education. Any advise for me? тАУ Will be greatly appreciated!
Thanks in advance!
:cat:

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[bucknaway]

My suggestion is to enjoy the magic of the fantasy you are building. AND if by chance the fantasy does not survive under the light of reality, simply remember that you were in total control of the situation and knew deep down that it was a dream created by you for you. The lucky guy was simply a needed prop in your fantasy.

If this situation brings you joy and you are not hurt by the nickles, dimes and quarters tossed his way then it is a win/win situation for you both. If he is able to realize the true treasure you offer him and makes the most of it than you would have truly done a great thing!

Do yourself a favor, don't ask questions you already know the answer to and don't dig too deep.

[Dboy]

Hurts doesn't it? Going home after those 2 weeks I mean. It's nearly killed me a few times. If you're a long-time reader here then you are already aware of the likely outcome, and frankly its a rite of passage so don't sweat it. All I can say is only give what you can afford to lose, and don't try to control him with money. It's not the daytime hours that you should worry about, and if you load up his schedule too much, I guarantee you won't get the desired result (he'll just give up and stop going). Have you ever seen a Thai guy carrying a Daytimer/personal planner around? Neither have I:-) Before enrolling him in a bunch of stuff, I suggest *listening* more. What does *he* want to do? I suspect the desire for English classes is for you, not him (no offense). If you're going to load him up with work, it's only fair if you better yourself as well, by learning Thai. It's not difficult, and there are lots of book/CD courses around (hint: Pimsleur, search amazon). I know its a shock, but the Western World is not superior to the Thai way of life. I understand that he will be more employable in the hospitality industry (etc) if he learns more English, but what does he really want to do? Also seems to me that looking out 3-5 years+ is way too long a time horizon. Think 3 months/6 months/1 semester, etc. In addition to budgeting for him, budget some money for yourself to see him more often. twice a year won't cut it. If all you can do is twice a year, trust me its better to guard your heart. But at this point, the best thing you can do to show your love is to help him become the man he wishes to be.


DBoy

Thank you guys so much - you are soooo right about everything!!!! I will try to manage at my best both, the fantasy and reality worlds.... I travel 4 - 5 times a year for a week or so - can't wait to retire! I did start Pimsleur's Thai - turns out to be much harder that the Brazillian one If anybody has any suggestions about good and reasonaby priced English lessons in Pattaya, I would give it a try - him actually want to learn better English so that he can get a job at a hotel. But his ultimate dream is to be a teacher, and that's where he gets my weak spot.....
Thanks again!

[Bob]

Since you asked, I'd encourage him to complete his high school education at a minimum (work on that, see about continuing after he's completed that). He can go on weekends or evenings, lots of options.
Obtaining a high school education doesn't guarantee anything (as Homi as noted many times before, getting a good job in Thailand is about 99% dependent on his connections) but I have no doubt it will be helpful to him if only for his self confidence and knowledge. I've been through this before and am glad that I did.

It's the old story about giving him a fish so he can eat today (versus teaching him how to fish so he can eat for a lifetime). There is some truth to that concept, even in Thailand. Too often, Thai kids blow any money given to them within 24 hours (not to pick on the Thais, many 18-24 year old kids everywhere do that) and perhaps some more education will help them to start to see the bigger picture.

Even if you paid for everything - room, utilities, high school expenses, etc. - you're only talking about 10,000 baht a month or less (his room and utilities should only run about 3,500 baht a month and the extra 6,500 baht ought to take care of the rest even if he's earning no other monies).

But, unless and until you know him well enough, don't be surprised if the "education" money is used for other things.
Good luck with whatever you do.

I have paid for quite a few english lessons during the 12 years I have traveled to LOS. There is an english school on third road and also one in day night area. I've heard of some recommendations of a travel agent right there in sunee that teaches. One thing I learned early on tho is that you pay the money directly to the school. Also a little incentive for the boy helps to keep him focused. I always told them you finish this I'll get you that (something he really wants). Be careful not to buy expensive gifts daily saving them for when he reaches a goal.

[Hmmm]

Even if you paid for everything - room, utilities, high school expenses, etc. - you're only talking about 10,000 baht a month or less (his room and utilities should only run about 3,500 baht a month and the extra 6,500 baht ought to take care of the rest even if he's earning no other monies).

I don't wish to detract from Bob's encouraging post. However I would like to suggest that a full-time student can be supported for about half that amount.

6,500 baht disposable income in Pattaya would be a dangerous formula. Which brings me to the most important recommendation - get him out of Pattaya ... Bangkok or up country, just as far from the bright lights as possible. A 'student' area like Bangkapi (near Ramkhamhaeng) could be good.

The fact that he has a 'dream' is great. Get him to find out what the entry requirements are for teachers college. My bf's dream was to go to university. He graduated last year and now has a good job.

Most boys do not like to work at bars. They usually consider I as temporary job with some fun, gaining new experiences but all a re looking for an alternative job they could do at there home city.

ThatтАЩs a good idea. Since many years I do always have one at least I support for his education. From my experiences:

1.┬┤Never ever do talk a Thai into something. If he doesnтАЩt choose by himself of like it from the first spot, it will not work for long. Any of your suggestions might be welcome but at the end do respect his choice. Be always very calm about this topic and make your suggestions clear and ensure he understands you in fully. After a while he will not listen anymore to you but nod a тАЬyesтАЭ or something like that to you.
2. Find someone trustworthy (an older Thai) to discuss this topic with. Ask him about assisting you guiding your friend while you are away. Frequently check with this person what is going on. Acting as mediator is common in Thai society just in case something needs to be sorted out. This is an honorary job and will not be refused unless he doesnтАЩt trust your friend at all. Make sure that your friend trusts him as well and will accept him as an serious partner if he needs to discuss something with while you are away.
3. He will discuss this topic throughout with friends and family before he makes any decision. This takes time. DonтАЩt push him.
4. If you promise him to support, guide him for the first steps; i.e. visiting the education institute: He will choose the education institution by himself (see as no. 2).
5. Make sure that his accommodation is cared for.
6. He might need pending where his will be living between 3000 to 5000 TBT monthly for pocket money (food and drinks, clothing, books and pens, cinema etc.).
7. Make sure you know as much as you need regarding costs (including books, excursions etc.) and make sure that all payments for the institution are time.
8. If you around visit with him the institution frequently, He will introduce you to his favourite teachers and the probably the head.
9. Do you know about Vocational CollegeтАЩs system in Thailand? There are are all over the country and usually very good. Students receive a firm theoretical and practical training which is strictly practically orientated on jobs i.e. electrician, barber, book keeping, cooking, hotel management, computer skills and many more. Some colleges do offer a variety of 50 or 80 different training courses that are pending between 6 months to 1 year. I do prefer to place mine somewhere there. The good thing afterwards is, the combination with a job тАУ before the course finishes, he will receive several offers for full time job employment. A 6 month training costs between 12000 and 15000 TBT.
10. Studying at Ramkhamhaeng University is for free. It is probably ThailandтАЩs largest university with several branches. Ram is generally very good.
11. I do not expect much in return. But I did found some good friends; some are business owners now and do rather well.

Good luck.

[Hmmm]

10. Studying at Ramkhamhaeng University is for free. It is probably ThailandтАЩs largest university with several branches. Ram is generally very good.

Not quite free, but near enough to it by Western standards (less than 20,000 baht/year):
http://www.ru.ac.th/english/english2005 ... /fees.html

10. Studying at Ramkhamhaeng University is for free. It is probably Thailand’s largest university with several branches. Ram is generally very good.

Not quite free, but near enough to it by Western standards (less than 20,000 baht/year):
http://www.ru.ac.th/english/english2005 ... /fees.html

Well, enrollment, registration fees etc. are less than 2000 TBT anually. Sorry I forgot to mention this.
Student accomodation around Ram is between 1500 TBT (basic, but common) to 2.500 TBT (good standard, own bath room etc, probably no air-con) per month. Food is dirt cheap.