Pattaya-Hua Hin ferry to begin on New Year's Day

[arsenal]

OK. I admit I did over egg the pudding a little. It's unlikely that all of them will be doing all of the things at the same time. But that was the only exaggeration. It's obvious that this latest attempt at this somewhat pointless ferry has banked on the boats being filled with the tour groups. No other business model is viable. Anyway you've volunteered now and you can't back out so please go and tell us how it was. By the way, very few Chinese people can swim so if the boat starts to go down make sure you grab a life jacket pretty bloody sharpish because there won't be an orderly queue.

[Jellybean]

Infamy! Infamy! arsenal has it in-for-me!

Well yes, I know, a somewhat over the top introduction to my reply, but I wanted an eye catching beginning to attract my readers attention.

Now look here arsenal, at my age, with one foot in the grave, I am more akin to Victor Meldrew than Ethan Hunt. I am most definitely not the member to risk your, er . . . mission impossible.

And I certainly did not ‘volunteer’ for this dangerous operation. What I did say, initially, was that “I would not mind being a passenger on the Pattaya - Hua Hin ferry” but that came with two very important caveats. Then you, one of our resident experts on all things Chinese, issued a dire warning of all the insufferable conditions passengers could expect to face in addition to the perfect storm and faulty and inadequate piers. Of course, being a very sensible sort of chap, I took due consideration of your warning and had a change of opinion in post #44, when I said, “Hmmm . . . perhaps then I’ll wait and see if your dire predictions of the apocalypse to come turn out to be true.”

No, I must confess, I am not the member for this highly skilled operation. If you want it to be a success and for the member to survive the journey, it will call for a young, fit, able-bodied, seafaring member. Yes, I know, we don’t have too many members who fit those particular requirements, but a few spring to mind. But we will also need one other special requirement. You warn us that . . .

. . . By the way, very few Chinese people can swim so if the boat starts to go down make sure you grab a life jacket pretty bloody sharpish because there won't be an orderly queue.

So when the call goes out, Man the lifeboats! and Women and children first! as some here think it inevitably will, our special member will have to be the sort of chap that is not likely to form an orderly queue and whose first instincts are, “Damn the bloody women and children, that fecking life jacket’s mine!”

Well, the only uniquely gifted member that, in my opinion, meets all these rigorous physical and emotional requirements is . . . and I’m hoping that the majority of members are already ahead of me in concluding that the only suitable candidate is, and I hope he’ll forgive me for the nomination, our much maligned and misunderstood . . .

Latintopxxx

Now, that’s positively the very last comment I have to make on this topic. I believe this whole volunteer business was just a ruse by arsenal to get me to exceed my annual posting quota and thereby incur the wrath of rincondog, our Equity union shop steward. arsenal knows very well that I have a walk-on role on this show/forum. No doubt that ferocious dog will be along any minute now, barking at me to mind my place as an extra and to keep my posts to the agreed limit.

Right, I’m out of here, I have a background part as an extra in The Walking Dead, where I am a particular favourite of Scott Gimple, as no make-up is required and all I have to do is walk slower than usual and dribble a bit more than I currently do.