Pattaya-Hua Hin ferry to begin on New Year's Day

[fountainhall]

Don't be a spoilsport, Jelly! If you're worried about drowning, I will personally go out and get you the latest state-of-the-art life vest with all associated bells and whistles. You'll bobble perfectly safely on the surface until the helicopters arrive. (Can't give you any guarantees about box jellyfish or other assorted nasties lurking in the sea, but you can rest easy (sic) that Steven Spielberg may well be interested in your having a starring role in a movie about your demise!)

[arsenal]

Jellybean wrote:
Blah blah blah I'm not going blah blah I might drown blah I'm too old blah blah I can't swim too well blah blah. Well all I can say is...........I don't blame you.

Reminds me. On my last trip to Pattaya I asked one of Boyztowns superstars if he ever went with farang. "No. I don't like" he replied. "I don't blame you" I replied..."I wouldn't like either." I made him an offer and told him I was there for 10 days and that the offer stood for the duration of my trip. He came with me the next night.

Now Jellybean, we need to find a new volunteer. My leanings are towards someone from a seafaring nation and used to rough seas with most inclement and unpredictable weather. Someone who can follow in the footsteps of his nations great explorers such as Dr David Livingston and William Balfour Blaikie and write his name alongside those luminaries. Someone who can demonstrate as much courage in real life as they do on the written page. Know you of such a chap?

[francois]

Now Jellybean, we need to find a new volunteer. My leanings are towards someone from a seafaring nation and used to rough seas with most inclement and unpredictable weather. Someone who can follow in the footsteps of his nations great explorers such as Dr David Livingston and William Balfour Blaikie and write his name alongside those luminaries. Someone who can demonstrate as much courage in real life as they do on the written page. Know you of such a chap?

Arsenal, look no further than Rear Admiral Andy Bean aka Olde Bean, RN, now in Port Bangkok.

I must say, a rather handsome bloke.

[arsenal]

We really need someone alive Francois.

[Surfcrest]

Meanwhile...and back to the Pattaya to Hua Hin Ferry dock, the Ferry actually completed a sailing Thursday under escort of the navy...in case they encountered any rouge waves, or something.

http://www.bangkokpost.com/news/gene...-hua-hin-ferry

Surfcrest

[arsenal]

Under escort of the navy? Hahaha. Shouldn't laugh but whatever next. The sooner we get 'our man' down there and on this infernal boat to really find out what's going on the better. My preferred choice seems to have gone strangely silent. Mmmm.

[Marsilius]

Meanwhile...and back to the Pattaya to Hua Hin Ferry dock, the Ferry actually completed a sailing Thursday under escort of the navy...in case they encountered any rouge waves, or something.

http://www.bangkokpost.com/news/gene...-hua-hin-ferry

Surfcrest

Presumably the waves turn rouge when assorted lady boys and farang queens jettison their excess cosmetics as they attempt to keep this Thai version of the Boaty McBoatface afloat in those choppy waters.

[Jellybean]

Don't be a spoilsport, Jelly! If you're worried about drowning . . .

Well yes, I won’t lie to you, especially since you currently hold the much sought after and impressive, Member of the Year title. But yes, I won’t deny it; I am somewhat concerned about the prospect of drowning. It’s not the going quietly in my bed overnight death I would prefer, given the choice.

. . . I will personally go out and get you the latest state-of-the-art life vest with all associated bells and whistles. You'll bobble perfectly safely on the surface until the helicopters arrive . . .

That’s uncommonly kind of you founty old sport. You are indeed a kind and generous gentleman and a worthy holder of the esteemed Member of the Year title. But, after a great deal of thought, I must decline your thoughtful offer and I hope you won’t think any less of me for doing so. For your greater understanding, I shall expand upon my reasons in the next post.

[Jellybean]

Well, well, well, there’s something definitely afoot when the the Trollfinder General and the, as yet uncrowned, Member of the Year, are both urging me to be a passenger on the Pattaya – Hua Hin ferry, or the voyage of the damned as I prefer to call it.

So let’s just recap one minute. First, we are told that the jetties and piers are not up to scratch, then the boat, Boaty McBoatface, the name of which was correctly identified by Marsilius, may not be seaworthy and its maiden voyage was cancelled due to no more than a light swell.

Then one of our two resident experts on all things Chinese warned us that the majority of passengers are likely to be Chinese tour groups. And, with his detailed knowledge, the Trollfinder General further informed us that those same passengers are more than likely to create a lot of noise by:

“. . . shouting, watching movies and playing computer games (no earphones),” and if that, “doesn't get [me] then the constant eating of yucky and smelly snacks will. And if that doesn't get [me], then the clambering over [me] to get to their seat will, and if that doesn't get [me], then the people to [my] left having a long conversation with the people on [my] right will and quite possibly all 300 of them doing all of that at the same time.”

And to add insult to injury, arsenal only added, “By the way, very few Chinese people can swim, so if the boat starts to go down make sure you grab a life jacket pretty bloody sharpish because there won't be an orderly queue.”

But arsenal wasn’t finished yet, he further added, “I forgot to mention the tour groups' guide. She will stand at the front of the boat and talk into a loud microphone for perhaps 20 minutes shortly after departure and then again for 20 minutes as you come into dock.”

As a further ‘enticement’, founty, our Member of the Year for those of you who may have forgotten, casually informed us that the sea between Pattaya and Hua Hin may be populated by the deadly box jellyfish. But hey! not to worry, if I am drowned or have been stung to death, my plight, and those of my fellow passengers, will be immortalised on film by Steven Spielberg.

Then HAL, sorry, Surfcrest, informed us that the ferry actually managed to complete a sailing on Thursday, but it required an escort from a ship-of-the-line of the Royal Thai Navy in case, yes, I kid you not, in case it encountered a reddish wave, or was that a rough wave, yes I think our esteemed leader meant a rough wave.

Well, what’s not to like? Honestly, my fellow members, who in their right mind would consider accepting such an invitation? Actually, I have a feeling that it will not be long before one of our younger and more able-bodied members, dear ChristianPFC (our intrepid reporter-at-large), is providing us with his usual, fact and information packed report, with added high quality photographs.

So, in conclusion, I ask arsenal and fountainhall to be patient and wait a little while longer for Christian’s report. Or maybe, just maybe, Smiles might lay off the booze long enough to get up on time and catch the 08:30 departure and let us have one of his exceptionally well written trip reports. (Only joking about the booze, Smiles, in case it wasn’t obvious)

[arsenal]

Yes Yes. Christian must go. An inspired choice Jellybean, he is, after all named after those who walked on water. And should the boat sink (or the Chinese behaviour cause him to take his chances and throw himself off) then Christian is young enough to tread water until the rescue boat arrives or even swim to shore because it's not far.