One main reason I love living in Thailand...

[cdnmatt]

... is I don't think I've ever experienced a better environment to live as a gay guy in.

I don't get out on my own much. I mean, I get out lots, but it's usually with Kim and other Thais. I rarely have contact with other farangs these days though, and from those I've met in town, I can't say I'm too sad about it. Anyway, tonight I was on my own in (failed) hopes of finding ingredients for a nice Italian pasta I was hoping to cook. Ended up at one of the typical farang bars in town for what turned into a few glasses of wine.

Now... you tell a Thai you're gay, and their response will generally be, "oh, ok", and that's literally it. The conversation continues, and they don't treat you a single bit differently than 10 seconds prior to you telling them.

Now, tell a white guy in Thailand you're gay (and farangs in Thailand are generally pretty open-minded and liberal compared to our home countries), and you get a response like, "Ohhh, really? Ohhh, no worries, I don't mind at all that you're gay. As long as two people love each other, who am I to say, right? You seem like a really good guy, and you know, I have several friends that are gay, and they're great people too! Seriously, it's no problem at all, and I'm glad you found someone. That's great to hear!" ... and blah, blah, blah...

You have to listen to them droan on about this shit for about 10 minutes, when it's pretty obvious they do care, because otherwise they'd shut up about it. Even had one guy with a major muscular disorder or something do that (hands and legs were all gimped up). After a while I finally said, "dude, do you want to sit here and listen to me for the next 10 minutes explain that I don't give a shit that you're physically disabled?", to which he replies, "Ohhh, yeah... I see what you did there. Good point".

Gotta say, I much prefer living in a society where the standard response to telling someone you're gay is, "oh, ok", and that's it. I think I've totally forgotten what it's like to be a gay man in the West, and tonight brought that back somewhat. In the West you have to somewhat pick & choose your social circle carefully, whereas in Thailand it's simply a non-issue.

Not sure why I'm posting this, but I'll blame the red wine... :-)

Similar Threads:

• Living in Thailand with Thai b/f vs. b/f(Thailand) U Visit
• Thoughts on living in Thailand (2) ...
• The reason Thailand is always subject to political turmoil.
• Living with ones Thai love .... 7 months on ... [1]
• I Love Living in Chiang Mai

I think you summed it up very well Matt. Too many farangs have sexual hang-ups, and it doesn't seem to matter where they live they still can't shake them off.

[Brisboy82]

All so true

[Dodger]

CDMatt...

I'm not quite sure what your expectations were when you announced the fact that you were gay to a stranger at a bar - or even why this disclosure would come up in a casual conversation at a bar, but nevertheless it did. It appears as if it was you were the one who initiated this topic - and the person you were talking to simply responded the best he could.

In the same scenerios, if a cripped man came up to me in a bar and and said "hey, I'm crippled" I think I would have fumbled in my response as well.

[cdnmatt]

I'm not quite sure what your expectations were when you announced the fact that you were gay to a stranger at a bar - or even why this disclosure would come up in a casual conversation at a bar, but nevertheless it did. It appears as if it was you were the one who initiated this topic - and the person you were talking to simply responded the best he could.

Not at all. It's simply people naturally ask if I have a Thai girlfriend, to which I always reply, "ahhh, boyfriend, actually". I reply the same, whether it's to a Thai or farang. I just get two completely different responses. Don't worry, I'm not one of those "proud to be gay" guys, but if someone asks, I'm not going to lie about it. Even told Kim and my next door neighbor about this. They just laughed, and you could tell they were thinking, "man, farangs are stupid".

[bao-bao]

Dodger has a point there: the obvious doesn't have the surprise factor that can throw some people off.

Reminds me of something that went around back in college during those squeamish "coming out" days:

Q: Is it easier being born gay or being born black?
A: Black, because you don't have to tell your parents.

[Dodger]

cdmatt wrote:

It's simply people naturally ask if I have a Thai girlfriend, to which I always reply, "ahhh, boyfriend, actually". I reply the same, whether it's to a Thai or farang.

I usually do the same myself, unless I'm back here in the U.S. where I usually resort to lieing...555 - which of course emphasizes the point you were making about the difference about these two cultures...or at least the way I react myself within these two cultures.

Also, an advantage that I see you having is your age. People will react different when they see two young gays together (like you and your bf) versus a farang in is fifties (me) with his Thai bf who's in his twenties, and rightly so I guess. I don't see that as an indication of homophobia - just a natural human reaction.

On the other hand, when the Thais at the prison where I visit Thep learned that I was married to a "Puchi" and not a "Puying" it didn't appear to make any difference to them.

[chillnorth]

I've found Matt's description of the "uh, ok" response here to be accurate.

I also recognize Dodger's comment about lying about it back in the States. That was my default for years. Trouble is, I've spent too long here to slip back into it now. The crack was in my closet door before this country found me, but one part I do take back with me on the obligatory returns is that when you're out you're out. I'm not going to advertise any more than I expect my utterly hetero friends to push that in my face, but I can't lie any more. Life is way too short. In my case, at least, living in Thailand gets a lot of credit for that.

... You have to listen to them droan on about this shit for about 10 minutes, when it's pretty obvious they do care, because otherwise they'd shut up about it. Even had one guy with a major muscular disorder or something do that (hands and legs were all gimped up). After a while I finally said, "dude, do you want to sit here and listen to me for the next 10 minutes explain that I don't give a shit that you're physically disabled?", to which he replies, "Ohhh, yeah... I see what you did there. Good point".

Are you suggesting that being gay is a disability?
Reading some of the garbage that is written on this forum, I would have said that IF it is a disability then it is a mental disorder rather than a physical disability.

[cdnmatt]

Are you suggesting that being gay is a disability?
Reading some of the garbage that is written on this forum, I would have said that IF it is a disability then it is a mental disorder rather than a physical disability.

You didn't read the post very well, did you?

I was pointing out the similarity between him constantly saying he has no problem with me being gay (while constantly pointing out that I'm gay), and me doing the same to him regarding being physically disabled. I doubt he would have appreciated it much if I constantly pointed out he was physically disabled for 10 mins, while saying I have no issues with it.

Same shit, different pile kinda thing. Neither matter.